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OK, silly question, perhaps.
Those of you in Plan B - are you wearing your ring?
I find myself just now, having recently gone to Plan B, when I tell my friends, co-workers, etc., that we are separated, they automatically look at my left hand.
Yes, I know we are still married. But I almost feel like wearing my ring is totally artificial. He has betrayed me; we are separated.
Would like to know how everyone feels about this.
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Hello ISGirl
I'm in the brink to go to plan B, and I'm not wearing my ring anymore. I don't know ... that depends on what u see in the ring as a symbol. The ultimate choice you will have to take, if u feel that all your values have been betrayed and you can not stand to wear it anymore then go ahead and take it aways..... but if you feel you are married and still in love and devoted to your vows and would be married until D then have it on...
Sometimes is like a farse to keep the ring on even when we are not feeling married huh???
Take care
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Joined: Sep 2002
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Thanks for your replies. I too feel like it is a farce. Why should I show the world a symbol of my marriage when those sacred vows have been betrayed? I am leaning toward putting the ring away in my jewelry box until/if he decides our M is worth working on.
This is the first weekend since the Plan B letter and, of course I am wondering if he will spend it with the OW. He was there last Saturday night, perhaps again this weekend. Then again, perhaps he will work on reading and getting out of the fog.
...only time will tell.
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I kept mine on. I was wanting our marriage so bad.
However, I did take them off just last weekend.
My H has been out of the house for 8 weeks.
He has pulled two things on me, and its like the last straws.
I felt that I could have forgiven him for the A,
but the total lack of respect that he has shown me with these last two events I pulled the rings OFF!
I miss them, but I put another one there in it's place.
He is sleeping around, but still wears his in public.
Wonder if he wears it when he does his deeds??
I think too, it's up to each individual.
Don't know if this helped or not, but at least I vented some.
Keb
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I never had to go to plan B. But when I found out about the A, I immediately took mine off (he on the other hand wore his during the A and never took it off after the A ended). I told him that when he saw me put the ring back on that meant I was ready to work on our marriage. It took me about 2 weeks to decide whether to leave or stay. Then the ring went back on. About a month later he bought me a new ring ($12,000.00 more than the first one) because he said he had violated the first one and the new one symbolized a new beginning, a recommittment.
Don't know that I really answered your question, but that is my wedding ring story.
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We make too much of symbols, I think.
My wedding ring was my mother's. My H has been living with OW for six weeks. I tried moving my ring to my right hand, but it doesn't fit that hand.
So I still wear it on my left hand. In memory of my mother, if nothing else. Tough on H and OW if they don't like it.
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My H took his ring off about 1 months before he told me about the A. He hasn't worn it since. On the day after DDay, I took my ring around to OW's house and left it for her. The poor feeble minded creature was grossly offended by this, and really didn't understand why I would do this!!!!!
After hanging on to it for a couple of weeks (trying it on for size??) apparently, Miss Pork Chop returned it to my H, but he won't give it back to me, even though I've asked for it.
So I went out and bought myself a nice (inexpensive) "separation" ring, to remind me to love and be true to myself. I love my new ring, but would love to get the old one back even more!
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This may sound kind of strange. But like they say, to each his/her own. My divorce papers were filed on Friday by my lawyer. But I still wear the ring and have no immediate plans of removing it. Maybe not even after the divorce becomes official. I keep it on because I 'm still in love with my real wife, not the person who is occupying her body right now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
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I say keep the ring on. I did, even after I filed for divorce. And I kept it on until the day after the divorce.
While in Plan B, you should remember a few things;
1 - You are still married
2 - You should not give anyone even the impression you are single.
3 - You should take care to guard against getting involved with opposite sex.
4 - Make sure it is known that even though you are separated, you are seeking reconciliation.
As soon as you do anything else, you start to wonder why you are in Plan B and might as well go straight to divorce.
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Chris,
You're a beacon! Thank you for reminding me that I am married, and my goal is to remain married. It is so easy, when anger, depression, and hurt set in (which is just about all the time) to lose sight of what I am really hoping for.
Plan B, while it feels like a faux divorce, and may in many cases be just that, is an opportunity for us to make it work. I have to remember that, and not allow myself to get dragged down through some of the sad stories on this board.
Gotta keep the faith! Gotta keep my chin up! Gotta believe in miracles...they do happen.
Thank you.
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It has been a year since we've been separated and I still have my ring on. In my opinion he is the one who defiled our marriage, not me. I still honor my marriage and my marriage is a covenant in the eyes of God so I will not take off my ring. I also believe that my having the ring on and he sees it convicts him of the fact that he is comitting adultery and that I still honor my marriage. I also believe that by taking the ring off you are symbolically saying it's over. So if in your heart it's not over and you still have hope and faith then I would suggest keep it on. I will not take it off unless I feel the Lord tell me it's over.
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ring is still on. i am not really in plan B. My lovely wife have been separated 23 days now.
Even in plan B your intentions are to reconcile correct. Why do anything to show that you don't want the marriage?
oops...didnt see pain & faith's post. I agree 100%
<small>[ May 14, 2003, 11:22 AM: Message edited by: d_rose ]</small>
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It is completely your call whether to wear ( or bear <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) the ring. I refused to take mine off because I was hanging on. Then I took it off when I realized that no matter what happens, I will be ok. The ring had become a symbol of neediness to me. I did get a pendant that I wear next to my heart. It's a shield. Everyone is different. Take care.
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