I am only slightly over a week into Plan B. While the relief is starting to set in, not having to live the roller coaster of emotions day after day, I am also starting - already - to get used to living alone. Now, that may be a good thing, if our marriage does not survive. But what if he comes back, ready to go to work?

I have to ask how two people can possibly keep love alive when no ENs are being met, love units are only being deposited by the OP, and love units are draining out of the LB for the married partners.

I am particularly concerned about this from my standpoint. H is probably keeping his love bank full via contact with the OW. I, however, am having absolutely no deposits made at all. If I feel like I am adjusting to a solo life already, can there be hope for us, or is this just part of a temporary process that everyone goes thru?

Thanks as always for your feedback.

{bump}

Sorry...getting antsy waiting for responses.

Want to keep loving my husband.

HELP!

My H has been gone for about 9 weeks.

I would say, he has been pushed to OW, or in serious mid life crisis, loving the single life.

Same for me as you said.
He seems so happy. His bank must be overflowing, but mine, it's drained!
He no longer is attracted to me, no longer looks at me etc.
It hurts like heck.

But, I have to say this honestly,
I don't the H I am married to now. If the one I knew came back, I would run to him. But this person is someone I don't know.

Best of luck to you.
I keep hoping he will see the true colors of this sleeze he thinks is so wonderful, and 13 years younger!

KEB

Same feeling, though I'm not in a formal Plan B -- more a combination Plan A/Plan B (email contact, which I try to keep friendly, but no other communication, really).

I saw H and OW last night -- they seem very happy though the whole arrangement is weird. He really doesn't seem okay, and he's been acting weird.

I, too, wouldn't want the man who left back. I feel very little for this man now, though I know those feelings must be buried in there somewhere.

But isn't that part of Plan B? To let the whole thing die if it's meant to?

Plan B is not so much as keeping the love bank full as it is about keeping the love bank from getting drained quicker than remaining in contact with satan. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

The love bank drains at a slower rate but there is not much you can do about it.

If he decides to eventually work it out before your account goes to zero, then great. You guys can discuss reconciliation and how to fill ‘er up again.

If he doesn’t make a decision before you go empty, then you can divorce with much less trauma on your part.

As far as the love banks with the op, they are beginning to both make deposits & withdrawals. While the affair is secret, nothing but deposits are made when they are together, Now they have “life” to deal with, they will start to make withdrawals too. And at a much faster rate than normal once they see how things in their lives got screwed up.

Do you really believe that Chris?
I had never thought about the withdrawel part.

According to my H, this woman is everything and more. She has no faults.

His affair has just come out at his work, and I do wonder what everyone is saying to him.

I liked what you said, it made me smile <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

KEB

I am doubting how quickly withdrawals are going to be made between WH and OW. The reason is that she lives 2.5 hours away, so when they are together (weekends) it's more like vacation...honeymoon, so they are not dealing with the realities of everyday life. It is probably much the same as when it was "secret." I imagine they felt quite free to go about in public in her town; no one knows him there.

I imagine that this could go on this way quite a long time. The only negative might be that he gets real tired of making the trip each weekend, althought the "rewards" might just be worth it.

I agree that I certainly would not want this husband back - this stranger - but I might consider reconciliation with the other one - the one I thought I knew.

I am not in Plan B, but have limited contact w/WH as he lives 2.5 hrs away and I try not to call him.
I too thought WH & OW were spending "Happy" times together and how could I possibly Plan A like this. WH certainly gave me the impression he was happy with his decision. I had Limited opportunity to Plan A, and trying like hell not to let the anger & frustration lead me to LB.(not always successful, see my posts)
Lately, however, WH seems to be in a different place. Less smug and angry. He even admitted the other day that " I wouldn't know happy right now".
Hmmm...
I have to wonder if the A is loosing some of it's appeal....he admits to missing the kids(hasn't seen them in 3 weeks), wants to come and spend a couple of days, if I'll let him?
Hmm....
I want to believe that the MB techniques are effective...it seems something may be changing in my situation...but trying not to be "too" optimistic.
I too do not recognize the person my WH is now, I want my H back, that is the part that is hard for others to understand. Yeah WH is a jerk, but I don't love WH, I love H! And I hope to see him soon!
Hang in there...

Do you really believe that Chris?
Absolutely!

am doubting how quickly withdrawals are going to be made between WH and OW. The reason is that she lives 2.5 hours away, so when they are together (weekends) it's more like vacation...honeymoon, so they are not dealing with the realities of everyday life.
True they don;t have to deal with "everyday" stuff.
But after a time, they will have things to do and won't be able to get together. He's got something to do on Saturday and it's not really worth the drive for only one day. "I'll see you next weekend, okay?"

Also, he's gonna start thinking, "this 2.5 hour drive each way every weekend really sux." And this will only bring resentment towards the ow.

With plan B, you take yourself out of the picture and let the WS and OP deal with each other. Even if they only see each other during the weekends, eventually one of them will become bored with the situation and start demanding more (ususally it's the OP). IF the WS is not ready to commit more of him/herself, and IF the OP continues the pressure, the relationship will begin to crack and eventually will crumble. The vast majority of WS almost always trade down whith their choice of OP, and coupled with their inability to solve relationship problems, the failure rate for A's is spectacularly high.

<small>[ May 14, 2003, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

Chris and TMCM,

You two make a lot of sense, I just wish it would start happening sooner for me!
Or, maybe it is, and I don't know.
My H has been out of the house for 9 weeks.
She has yet to leave her spouse??
Makes me wonder??

I like reading your comments, they are hopeful.

Thanks for the words!
KEB