Some time has passed since my H's A, but this crossed my mind, so I thought I'd put it to you posters and get your opinions.

I've been giving my H lots of credit for not sexually consummating his affair. They did kiss and engage in petting. I tend to think that the main reason it wasn't consummated was due to the location where the A was occuring. One episode of kissing/petting was in a company vehicle (and yes, he could have consummated it then - and didn't), and the other was in the work break room. The OW was definitely willing to consummate, and was actually pushing for it. So I know it wasn't because she was worried about the locale that prevented it.

Your opinions please. Did he not consummate because he was afraid of being caught on the job, or was it because he drew a line and decided not to cross it? Maybe a combination of both? FWS's, what do you think? (BS's I welcome your reponses too.)

Sky,
There is no way we can know what was going on in his mind then, but when someone wants to do someting bad enough, they usually do it.

I think it would be well to ask if he is sorry, and if he is giving his all to work on your marriage. Those answers may give you more to work with than what you are asking.

I hope you are able to recover.

SS

I'm not really sure why it matters. A "how-what-where-why" detail of your husband's affair is likely not going to be very well remembered. Typically, affairees cannot re-construct such events with any accuracy ... it's part of the psychology of deception. Like ss said, check to see how your recovery is going now.

whip

sky well my WW kept her pursuer at bay for almost 8 months until he followed her to an out of town convention/seminar.

So yes there is a high level of not wanting to lose one's job.

I geuss the million dollar question is were there ever any opportunities for them to meet outside of the work place.

<small>[ May 14, 2003, 09:14 AM: Message edited by: stunned-dad ]</small>

Has he thought about changing jobs? This would probably help you to quit qestioning yourself over his intentions. He did cross the line, it sucks. But it really is all you need to know. If he's working hard on your marriage now--then he realizes that he crossed the line. Don't beat yourself up over his intentions--I know when my discovery was fresh, I had all sorts of questions plauge my mind, relentlessly. It will wear you out, I know it did me. The only person who will ever really know all of the answers is him--and all you can know, in truth, is how he's acting now in regards to your marriage. Does he seem to regret his behavior? I wish you lots of luck and am sorry for your pain.

I post these questions here for your input because to present them to him is a no - win situation. Major LB. We've talked about the details until we are both sick of them, but every once in a while, a question like this comes to my mind and it is hard to get past it. I know what he'd say if I asked him - well, 1 of 2 things, 1. He'd tell me what he thought I wanted to hear (or at least that's what I'd assume it to be!) or 2. He'd answer more honestly and say "I really don't know, can't remember, or don't want to think about it."

Just humor me and let me ask these hypothetical questions here in order to prevent any LBs!!

To be quite honest we've discussed the A very little lately as we have a new addition to the family that is keeping us occupied. Needless to say we haven't had any quiet, alone time lately.