It has been awhile since I have been back on the website. I thought I was doing better with working on me and trying to get my life back together. This is after my (WS) still has chosen not to talk to me or have anything to do with me for almost a year. She acts is if I am just a ghost in her life. I am in a Plan B now and that is because my wife (WS) doesn’t want anything to do with me. My wife moved out last June. So it is almost coming up on one year.
I was doing ok for the past two or three months since the last time I really have had any contact with my wife. I have been working on me and staying busy with hitting the gym, playing softball and doing things with family and a few friends. The busier I am the better I am off. It seems that I think about the entire situation a lot less when I am busy. The past week or so I have been really struggling with the over all picture, it seems everything is over with us and the only thing left is for an official divorce. I have told myself from day one that if my wife wants a divorce she can go out and do the dirty work. Here is where things are starting to change with me. I still cry every now and than because the entire situation stills affects me very much. My (was ours) house is right across the street from the in-laws. When the in-laws weren’t talking to their daughter early on they were a lot different towards me. They supported my side and were there for me. Over time they have started talking again to their daughter. As they have had more and more contact, and from time to time my wife stops by over there, they have started acting different towards me. I get the vibe as if they are trying to separate themselves from me. Sort of is if they are choosing their daughters side now. It is really hard when my wife goes to their house and I see her walk in over there or out. She really doesn’t say anything to me unless I say hi or something. There are a lot of times she is there and she doesn’t come over at all to say hi or anything. She isn't going to go out of her way to come to the house since she never even picks up the phone to say hi.
I am at that point now that I think I need to start doing some things to make me start feeling better about my life. I think at this point I need to put the house for sale and move away from the in-laws because it bothers me when my wife is over there and she doesn’t say hi or stop by. Also the in-laws are starting to distance themselves from me. Second I have been thinking do I need to be the one to go file. My wife hasn’t filed because she says she doesn’t have the money to do so. She wants me to just give her half of everything and walk away and not contest anything. I don’t want to be the one to file but I am beginning to wonder what direction do I need to go in my life. With having to choose some direction I need to start walking that way. Do I give up hope and walk away? Do I stay longer? What do I do? I still ache, I still cry, and all I have been put through if my wife did a 180 and wanted to try I would still try. What is best for me at this point? To mentally try to be prepared to walk away? Do I move? Everyone says the WS will hot rock bottom at some time. I haven’t seen that happen when does that normally happen? I want to see that my wife is still a human and not a cold hearted, selfish person like she is acting for the past year or so.
Do I try to move on and be happy in life even if that is going forward? With going forward that will mean a divorce……

C-G-

Hey, good to see you on the forum again though I'm sorry for the reasons that bring you back. Your story always strikes a chord with me because your DDay was almost exactly the same as mine.

I'm not sure if you need to be the one to file for D, but I'd seriously consider selling the house and moving somewhere else. Moving doesn't mean you can't work things out later on but I personally can't imagine seeing her all the time and not communicating with her. I say remove yourself from that situation by living elsewhere.

cg:

I'm also glad 2 see you back, but also sorry 2 see why you're back.

It sounds like she's maybe just starting 2 get support that she THINKS she needs from her family, and so that's appeasing her for now. Them, 2. This is why you feel snubbed. Try 2 be cordial with them, but really they need 2 be able 2 make their own decisions and grow their own growing, assuming they ever do. It may hurt, but there really is nothing you can do about them and how they interact with your W.

Also, you need 2 focus more on yourself. Try putting down the "save your M" books, even, for a while. I sure know I "resisted" reading anything that wasn't about affairs (first), then marriage (2nd), then relationships (any kind of R, not just between a man and a woman), and finally simple self-help kinds of books. But you know what? Each of those books, in the order I read them, has helped me differently, and changed my focus from always trying 2 figure out what my W is thinking or doing (I still do this 2 my detriment, even now, but maybe, just maybe, not nearly so much anymore!) 2 figuring out who the hell *I* am and what I want, need, that kind of thing.

First, right after D-day, I read HNHN. Then I read it again.
Next, I read part of SAA. I never finished it, because it seemed 2 be 2 focused on ending the A, and I thought I "knew" all it taught from posting 2 this 4um.
Next, I read "The Truth About Relationships" by Greg Baer. That was the one that was less about M and not about affairs at all, and more about just having healthy relationships with people in general.
Then I read "Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch. That's quite a book. And since it's by a sex therapist, it's chock full of sex therapy. But the real meat and potatoes of that book is that it's the best marriage-related book at getting you 2 focus on yourself. It's all about being able 2 be an individual within a committed relationship. That one really started 2 open my eyes up. (and my W is reading it now!!!!!).
Then, I started reading "The Power of Now" by Ekhart Tolle. This book is all about "enlightenment" and ...well, living NOW, and not letting our mulling over events of the past (that we cannot change and don't even remember in the same way!) or worrying about the future. I'm not even more than 50 pages in2 the book, and I can't even begin 2 convey what an eye-opener it's been for me. And what a RELIEF from all this unnecessary worry! You can read Chapter One, at: http://www.iloveulove.com/ponch1.htm

I hope you feel better, cg!
-2long (fka Qfwfq)