I discovered my H's A around beginning of March, He finally admitted Mar. 15 when I threatened to leave with the kids if he didn't admit it. He admitted right in the middle of dinner at a restaurant and kept on eating. Couldn't understand how he could clean his plate. O.K. so we get home and I start to sob and he cries some. Finally some tears. He says he sorry, loves me, scared to lose us. Asked him some questions wich he answered. Still don't know a whole lot. He's been around a lot more, more committed to the family. He has been wonderful exept he sometimes gets angry when things don't go his way. He calls me at work on the night I am working late. He has the car and he is to pick kids up at 5:30. He tells me he has to work late. I tell him I can't guarantee my ride is leaving on time and arrangements were already made for him to pick up kids.
He gets mad at me"Well what do you want me to do?" he says "I have work to finish. He gets snotty with me and says fine I'll pick the kids up."
Well yay for you, it was your responsibilty anyway. He has bailed out of responsibilities many times in the past and I always picked up the slack without arguing. I once had to leave work because he just didn't pick the kids up. He was still at his job an hour out of town and I was supposed to work till 9pm. (Our kids aren't with a sitter much as I have usually always worked around his schedule.)

So tonight he calls from work at 5:25. He's supposed to pick up S& D to take the to Martial arts class at 5:30. He wants me to see if friend whose child is in the same class can drive our kids. Well her D was actually at our house to get a ride with my H(prior arrangement I had forgotten about)So he gets upset with me and tells me he has work to finish and he is going to be late. I reminded him that when he was home at lunch time he had reassured me he'd be home at 5:30. So he says "Fine I'll be home in 2 min. and hangs up the phone on me. So now they've been picked up.

So now my point is; shouldn't he be doing everything to be nice to me. I speak my mind alot more now than I ever used to yet I do it in a calm rational manner. I nicely said to him last week after the picking up the kids incident"I have a right to disagree with you and don't appreciate being talked to in that manner.
Tonight I feel like saying " your the one who went out and screwed that sl*t so shouldn't you be trying harder to talk to me with respect. Maybe this is my payback for being "too tired" last night. So will you use this as your excuse to call your sl*t girlfriend up."
I just don't get how he can be so nice and try so hard for days, doesn't even seem to miss OW (or he's hiding it) and then snap at me like this when I've done nothing to bring it on. It seems just when things aren't going exactly his way he gets upset. He has always been like this to some extent and I have always excused his behavior until now. I feel like he should be ki$$ing my a$$ right now, you know what I mean?
He also hung up the phone on me 2 days post D-day because I made some comment to him about getting it somewhere else. This made me boil over and call OW and start yelling at her. To wich she quickly hung up and called my H.
Any advice on what may be going on in my H's head?

Welcome to MB, Prayingmantis.

As a FWS myself, I can tell you that although your H's behaviour is uncalled for and irrational, it likely is "normal."

Don't mistake his anger as necessarily being directed at you--a truly repentant WS often has a LOT of guilt and self-loathing that needs purging and sometimes unfortunately it comes across as anger toward the spouse--or in my case, I became furious with people at arm's length from our situation--outraged beyond reasonable proportion.

My belief after 2 years in recovery is when a person allows themselves the foolish choice of an A, they must become mentally ill--how else could we rationalize such horrid behaviour? I do NOT excuse anyone for having an A--it is the biggest regret of my life and a total godsend that my H chose to forgive me and work together on rebuilding our M.

You mentioned your comment to your H about getting some elsewhere. By now you have likely read up on Lovebusters. You are totally entitled to your anger and it won't just dissolve even with the choice to forgive but you do need to be careful with such remarks. Your H could make the stupid choice to run back to XOW. If not, you certainly don't need more walls being built up between you right now.

It might be good to confide in a female friend or a C or to journal those angry thoughts because you are indeed entitled to those feelings. H even now sometimes expresses anger although we are enjoying a strong recovery.

Time seems like your enemy right now because your pain is pretty fresh and raw. But actually it will become your friend. It sounds cliche and it's not true that time heals ALL wounds but if you both are committed to restoring your M, time will lessen the vulnerability you currently both face and you will be able to calmly discuss some of the why and what if your H is willing to work things out in this way.

I hope I don't sound like I have all the answers. This is only my opinion that stems from my own experience. I hope things will turn around for you soon.

Take care.

Thanks for giving me a view from the other side.

It's been 2 months since d-day and I'm starting to suffer from anxiety again. Everything makes me want to cry. Every time I see a happy family I want to cry. Every time I remember a good time from the past I want to cry. I feel like all my good memories have been tainted. I can't stop thinking about H's relationship with OW. There is so many unanswered questions. I keep remembering more and more details that bring more questions to my head. Sometimes I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about it and other times I'm so tired I want to go to sleep and never wake up.

I worry about every move that I make. If I don't make love to him or if I disagree with him is he going to go back to her. I already believe he has lied about contacting her. He took my kids to her cafe a couple of weeks ago and got a coffee. She wasn't their but what if she had been. I told him he should not be anywhere near there. So next time he'll probably go without me knowing about it.

How do I stop obsessing about this? I plan to sit down with him tomorrow night and ask him some questions to clear my mind. Should this help? I love him but I hate what he has put me through.

Some advice from someone who has been through this would be great. thanks