I originally posted this on Pregnancy/Child but didnt get much support/ can anyone offer some kind of wise words or any support at all, I feel so damn frustrated and lost

**Original Post**
So he says, after 1 1/2 years since D day and me allowing this child into my life and becoming attached my H has now decided he wants to be single again, he says he loves me but doesnt want to live with me, he says he wants to be "FREE" well his timing sucks, I am now 6 months pregnant and having to deal with this is really hard, he wanted to leave and come see me whenever he felt he was in the mood to see me and I said no , I cant deal with that if he leaves I want no contact until the baby is born then we decide how to proceed, well he didnt like that, he says he needs to be able to at least see me and talk to me, I said no, it would be to hard on me to do that. I talked to my OB about Anti-Depressants and he prescribed Zoloft to help me through this, my H is still here but I can sense its just a matter of time. SO I am back here for support.

Thanks,
Jessica

Expecting my 1st Baby Boy Sept 7, 2003

05/17/03- Updated

Well WS is still here he said he cant imagine life without me , I told him that when he leaves I want no contact at all until the baby is born, he says he understands my reasoning but cant imagine not being able to at least talk to me, so now he has made sure that I know he is eventually leaving (my guess is he wants to leave the door open) but he says he has things to do around the house before he leaves. I honestly cannot tell you where my self worth is. I take what he gives me and act as if I cannot live without him. I have started the Zoloft and hope that helps the extremeness of my emotions. I dont understand, he had the affair, I forgave him, he begged me to stay, I stayed , we have been a couple for 12 years and married for 7 but now he wants to be free, I have accepted his child into my life, I put myself 2nd always, I do anything for this man and I dont understand why and I may never understand. We couldnt have kids and now god has blessed us with a baby boy who will be here soon. And after 12 years of waiting for this child, he cant seem to run fast enough. I dont understand, he does still hold me and tell me he loves me and kisses me with emotion we still laugh we still play we talk about our future, but suddenly he wants to be free and alone to deal with his issues. sorry for rambling, I hope someone responds.

Jessica

Hi Jessica,

Yes, Zoloft is a good idea. I used Prozac for 6 months and it was great - I think! (It's hard to tell what was "me" simply working through stuff, and what was from the SSRI - matters not, I'm feeling tons better.)

And therein lies some good news... there is an eventual conclusion and it will be good for *you*.

Have you checked out the material on this site? There's a lot of good info on topics such as Plan A/B, LB's, etc. It sounds like your H is actively involved with an OW currently?? (You said he isn't in your subject, but... so many of us here have seen the "signs" of one, and his actions seem very, very suspicious.)

You said: "I take what he gives me and act as if I cannot live without him"

Okay, that's not good, regardless of which "philosophy" you ascribe to when it comes to marriage building. Have you read "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson?

The great thing about Plan A/B is that it offers you a finite length plan. The first part may leave you *feeling* a bit doormatish, but you certainly are in no way one, or should let him see you as one.

PS. Weekends are typically slow here.

<small>[ May 17, 2003, 07:50 PM: Message edited by: J.R. ]</small>

I am so sorry that you are going throught this. Especially when you have this beautiful baby on the way (congrats!!!). When I found out about my H's A, I was left at home with a 1 & 3 year old!!! It was the worst time in my life!!! After all the time it took you to conceive, you should be sitting back planning "baby things", not marraige things!!! Please take care of yourself, eat, and get enough sleep!!! You will need your health when your baby is born!

Good luck!
-mc

shamless bump **

Jessica, did you and your husband go to MC or IC? Did you both read the books. Sounds like the reasons for the A might not have been processed and now they are rearing back up again. When we counseled with the Steve Harley he said if A isn't processed, learned from and plan put in place to prevent...high likelyhood that it will happen again.

I was so sad when I read your story. My H and I also thought we couldn't have kids unless he had an operation and then after 15 years of M I popped up pregnant with our miracle baby. My H and I both were on cloud 9. He took better care of me during my pregnancy and after the birth of our beautiful son then I've ever been taken care of in my life! I am so sorry for you that your H is not reacting that way.

Definitely sounds like he loves you and is scared to leave but also has some issues going on that he probably can't even clearly define himself...he needs help. Please encourage him to get help to try and sort this out before he makes a major move that could damage you both.