I am so excited, and feeling so good about this... I am in pseudo plan B! I feel so so good. I am so tired of wishy washy WS, who wants the Marriage, but I am just not this, or just not that....

He is not seeing any ow, and he has made improvements, but he is still on the fence.

I am saying no more.

I will still see him at kid exchanges, but will probably be in the house when he picks up and drops off. I will not be bringing him the kids!

I will have rare contact and let him initiate almost all contact!

I will still go to counseling once a week with him... now this is a bit different.... I am wanting the marriage, but leaving the ball entirely in his court.

I have told him I do not want to see him unless there is more and stronger and REAL commitment to reconciliation.

I am plain tired of his you know what!

I almost left our counseling appt. today when he started his bashing. I told him to stop or I would leave.... he stopped, but the session was almost over.

I have had it.

Anyway, I just had to post this as a start to my new happy life without him for now!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugs to all of you ! Thanks to everyone for your patience with me throughout this ordeal.

I do think this will be the turnaround for this WS.

More later! Taking my kids to kids eat free Mexican, and I will enjoy fajitas with my darling boys!

Thanks to all MBers for helping me get here! How freeing it is! My plan A has truly become enabling.

Hugs, Honey

Friends, Thanks for all support. I am sorry not to see respose after dinner..@? I hope to hear from some of you soon. I know my saga has died down some, but thanks to anyone for cking in. Still hoping someday will come...

thanks, H

<small>[ May 20, 2003, 06:47 AM: Message edited by: Honey ]</small>

I'm glad to hear you're doing so well, Honey!
Keep up the good attitude!

Honey,
You sound so good! I will try to catch you on the phone later.
KK

Honey -

I have mixed emotions after reading your post. I think distancing yourself is good, and even a version of Plan B is good. But you wrote one thing that caught my eye:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do think this will be the turnaround for this WS.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are your efforts an attempt to change your H? Dig deep and ask yourself this. He will not permanently change for you, your kids, etc. His change will have to be for himself...

IMHO, you can not have 'expectations' that your H will change dramatically.

Blessings...

Gib

Honey - I agree with Gib - don't put to much faith in this being the turn around that way you won't get hurt... Do this for yourself because you deserve it - and if this changes him fine... But if it doesn't then maybe it will change you ..and your expectations of him... And I am glad you have had it and are standing up for yourself - Good for you !!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi- Gibby and Maw and all MB friends:

I too- thought about that line... when and after I wrote it.

I am not counting on anything from him.

I am not sure he will change, but I do think, and probably should of known all along that my WS will not respond unless he 'chases' me... that is who he is.

It is not a game, it is a - I won't take it anymore kind of thing. I do have to stay strong, because for me it is hard to say I don't want the Marriage, I do.

But I don't want it the way it is. I don't want to 'settle' for ws to come home, etc.- unless he truly turns around... and I am not seeing enough turn around, period. He knows I feel this way.

He has made positive changes, but not waht is required by me.

I am not even sure I want him back, although I want an intact family, not one with a jerky h.

I am feeling so much better.

I just happen to think, this might be a turning point... if there is going to be one.. although it still might be a while.

My hopes are not up for him to by some miracle change, but my hopes are up for me to be HAPPY again!- without him.

I spiral down so easily and blame myself for all my mistakes, but he has done so so much to me.... and that is key in my situation to problems... and he is not facing his mistakes.

No more blame game.

This is going to be hard b/c I do want my family...

My counselor asked me to figure out what I do 'get' from him, and why I 'need' him... so I am also working on that.

Any thoughts?

My wh does continue to say he loves me and wants a family with me. He will say he does not see us split up. He says it will be hard for him to not have contact with me.... - he has had it the entire seperation....

There comes a time when the cake eating must stop.

Love Must Be Tough is my Mantra! Lack of respect is very key.

It is my bday this weekend, and I am going to start this yr with new respect required of him and others in my life.

Honey

Hi Honey,
I'm glad the counseling is continuing. I think there has been a big difference in your attitude and actions since you've been going. You have a place where you are being heard and discussion is happening. It seems you've found a good fit in your counselor.

What your H decides to do is all up to him, but I think your actions are the right ones for this time.

Take care of yourself & those boys.

Honey - Well Happy Birthday to you !!! And to start off this new year with such a positive outlook must be very refreshing... I can honestly say - my hell started in October 2001 - and I got divorced this September but in all honesty I just recently stopped talking to him - it will be three weeks tomorrow and I find that I am feeling 100% better about myself - I have stopped beating myself up over the fact that he cheated on me and left me... When I sat down and tried to figure out what I got from him - I have got to tell you it really wasn't much - I was the one who did everything in the marriage - I kind of look at it like I think that I was just terrified at the thought of loosing him - my marriage and my family... But what I really lost for a long time there was myself - I was a wife and a mother and there was no me... That is what I am trying to find now... I am realizing that he cannot make me happy no one can - I have to do that on my own... Am I angry that my marriage failed??? Yes Am I angry that I was betrayed by my best friend of 19 years and husband of 15 years - You bet - Will I ever forgive him - maybe someday but not now... See what I am thinking is that you don't need him you just haven't realized it yet - it is the sheer terror of loosing him that is driving you ...But I am thinking that once you realize that you will be ok without him - you will start to let go - and then you will find out if he really wants to come back and make the changes that you need... And you know what if he doesn't come back you will be ok to ... I mean look how far you have come - and all of the responsibilities you have taken on yourself... Yes it is overwhelming that is for sure... I tend to hyperventalate every now and then.. But I can do it and I know it.And I am thinking you can too... You must find yourself you are the key to your own happiness <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi friends,

Today is a little harder. I am sooo angry at ws, and feel like telling him so... I know it won't do any good. I am rereading Love Must be Tough by Dobson.

Thanks for being here, H

An early Happy Birthday to you Honey!!

Perhaps it will be remembered as the birth of the 'new' Honey?

You sound strong and clear headed. Your path is clear and correct. As you said, it's about you now. Your happiness, your needs, your choices...

It is time for Honey's birth...day <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> !

Gib

Thanks to Lor and Maw also... just read your replies after my post.

I am doing Wayyy better.. this place was my only outlet and place to discuss for way too long, and it did help a lot.. but I needed the ICounseling long ago... I had some in the beginning of the sep, but most of the counselors encouraged me to dump him and move on... then I lost my insurance.

This counselor is at a church and encourages me to save the marriage if I can... we can that is... but not to be walked on, or lose myself trying.

I think since I have a strong moral code myself, it helps to be told in a church setting, from a very christian therapist.. that ws is doing wrong and that I should not take this treatment.

Thanks for being here.

Honey