I haven't posted in quite some time. D Day was March 7. We went to MC 4 times together which (to me) indicated that WH might actually want to work on M. What he said he wanted was "answers". During this time there was still contact with OW. Now she has "shacked up" with another man (without being truthful to my WH - which just killed him)and I think it is truly over between them. BUT, now he is either seeing, speaking, f****** (or a combination) with ANOTHER woman. I think he met her when he spent almost every night at one bar or another about a week ago. Financially, we are in no way to split so he sleeps in the kids room (they sleep with me), tries to be "polite" at times but makes it very clear that he wants a divorce when it is feasible to do so. He tells me in no uncertain terms, that it is over between us (14 yr marriage, two children) and that he has been unhappy for years (could have fooled me and everyone who knows us.) I have begged him to try again and that I will not mention the A. His comment is "what about next time?" re: another affair.

I have twice initiated sex but he is unable to "finish". What a blow to my ego.

Is his desire to want a D a power play? Is his pride (or lack of) too much for him to want to reconcile? He has lost the majority of his friends and his family is very disappointed in him. He has alienated our 13 yr daughter. I believe he has lost all self respect. My MC says he is on a downward spiral and can't find his way out of his own personal hell.

My H will be 39 soon. Who is this man? No one recognises this person anymore? I've reread Plan A (Plan B not financially possible). Is there any hope? I'm so afraid to give myself a sliver of hope.

Please help me.
Willow

i'm sorry sweetie, but it doesn't sound like there's much hope. not only is he unwilling to even try, he's already planning his next affair! he's telling you straight out that he has no intention of being faithful or trying to work on this marriage. listen to him! do not try to convince yourself that you can save this all by yourself, because you can't if he is actively working against you!

take care of yourself, take care of your kids, you can NOT take care of him or save him! handle what you can, and try to work on making yourself stronger! all else is out of your hands!

and by the way, that's a beautiful screen name you've got there! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Dear Willow,

As long as he is stuck in the fog. Dragging him back to reality will not get you anywhere but tired.

So you have a choice, force him to come back or let him go and let him fall out on his own. Protect yourself and your family. Learn what your true boundaries are and set them.

Take care of you.... at least for now. ok? Remember you are not the wacko one here, just the one who is feeling the greatest pain. When he comes around and admits to being a jerk, if he is being a jerk, don't be afraid to agree. If he questions your positive changes and wonder if they will last, question his. You do not have to be intimated by his relucntance.

Hugz,
L.

Dear Willow,
I can only echo what Orchid has said. I was in your spot a year ago and in some ways I'm no farther along. My WH still refuses to admit A, however. We've been separated since July and I don't think things will change anytime soon.
Having said that, the best advice is the stuff you may find hard to believe. Start working on yourself, your happiness, and what's best for your children. It was incredibly hard for me to get my self esteem back, but since I have, it's made dealing with all the cr*p much easier.
Stay in touch here, the support from those who've been there is invaluable.

Dear kristawny, Orchid, pb....

Thanks for replying. My great support system (dear friends and family) are also trying to make me see the light. The lack of respect he shows is mind numbing.

My MC, family and friends tell me to move on and work on healing myself, concentrating on my beautiful girls, etc. I manage to do that for an hour at a time, but then the pain hits me between the eyes. Tomorrow I see MC (shouldn't really call him an MC, now he's just my therapist)again, and then later on a PhD for meds.

If I could hate him maybe I could move on. Boy, I have every reason to hate him. Is this healthy? Even for the time being? I'm so afraid of many things right now. My parents want me to move back home with the children(1,500 miles away)to live with them and finish my degree. I don't know if that's fair to either my kids or their father. I'm not even sure if it's legal here in Florida.

Thanks for your input and support.

Willow