My wife had a EA culminating with ONS last February (02). Since that time it has gone back to less intense EA. W is 41, OM is 30. I am convinced the interest in onsided. She continues in bar league on weekly basis and short phone calls to OM 3 or 4 times a week, normally surrounding the night out. It is not setting up meetings but just to insure he is going to attend etc. It continues to wear me down and I wonder how is this going to manifest itself down the road. Is the resentment going to eat me up?

By the way she confessed on her own to the PA and figures that was the only violation as she really doesn't understand the pain of EA. So I never confronted OM in order to save her reputation within the group which extends to quite a few areas of our life including my work. I now realize that was a mistake as I could have ended this fantasy long ago with confrontation.

The physical attraction she has to this guy is very obvious to me. Any discussions are quickly dismissed, as she won't acknowlege this truth. Conversely the guy has no interest in W. All the calls come from her. She also mentioned that the OM's girlfriend mentioned that my wife seems attracted to him. She is in the dark. I even told W that if it's obvious to the girlfriend can you imagine what it looks like to me since I know the full story.

FOG? I'm sure we're both quite immersed. I suppose I never understood Plan A and simply kissed her A$$ in order to save marriage. I guess my question is how to shake her out of this fantasy and how is the bitterness going to effect us longterm. No MC but wife recently seeing IC (about 8 weeks). Married 17 yrs. 3 children 16, 14, 10.

I am afraid that you have enabled her to continue her emotional affair. First, she had a sexual one night stand with this man. Immediately and it is not too late confront him and his girlfriend. Your wife must have no contact and she must show remorse. Clearly to her it is no big deal and she continues to show attraction to him in front of you. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. The fact that she could have sex with this guy, tell you, continue to see this guy makes it clear that she knows that you are willing to accept almost anything and she has no boundaries in your marriage. You are allowing her to humiliate and disrespect you and your marriage. Why should she change her behavior if you seem willing to accept everything. The belief is that when the affairs become public the light of publicity tends to end it. Tell his girlfriend and the OM that you know what happened. You are trying to save her reputation and she continues to throw herself at this guy in front of you. Why should she respect you if she knows that you will continue to accept all of this disrespect from her without consequences? Think about it.