I have learned so much from MB that I keep coming back. My kids have been neglected, however, as I have typed out my thoughts, and my H was reading what I wrote so I went back and deleted a lot of comments. I need to take a break.

Shirley Glass' new book "Not Just Friends" makes a good point: whether your M survives or not, the betrayed spouse needs to heal from the trauma of the A. I have distracted myself in many ways in the past year. I have gained 30 lbs since the most traumatic day in all of this (1/3/02) when I said "I want you to care about me more than Sophia" and Tom responded by saying, "If it weren't for the kids, I would have been gone".
Overeating seems to have a sedating effect on me. I have also gone on MB and read, read, read. MB can be a distraction from my life.

I'm going to try, until August, to not distract or sedate myself. I realized that, whether the M survives or not, I need to heal and it won't be by sedating and distracting. Please keep me in your prayers.

I won't be looking, but does anyone else think MB can become a distraction?

<small>[ May 21, 2003, 04:08 PM: Message edited by: broken heart and arm ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">on 12/17/01, I threatened to call OW and H broke my arm, requiring 3 surgeries</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First off, I can't believe you are with a man that actually broke your arm in anger, kids or no kids! Please explain that one to me!

As for your point in your post, at times MB can be a distraction from you really applying yourself and working on your marriage instead of wallowing in your sorrows in the MB forum, but I have found it to be of great value.

Patterns usually follow that you will indulge yourself just after D-Day and for months afterwards, then as things improve and you feel happier and more secure again (if that's possible) you will visit less and less. I still visit when things happen that send me back-sliding again or are hurtful reminders of the A, or just plain marital issues in general. Now, I like to post feedback to people who are still in pain and trying to get into recovery and to keep in touch with the MB friends that I care about here.

Only you can tell for sure if you are spending too much time and energy that is detrimental to your M and family. Get the support and advice you need then go live your life! Good luck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

One of the biggest mistakes that I have made since D-Day was to stop coming to MB's. My WS was able to take my mind, to get me enmeshed in his alien world and alien thought process. I became brain-washed. That was my experience. I'm so glad I came back.