This post is a product of almost no sleep, too much work an some BAD meatloaf at church tonight.

My wife and I are separated. Been so for 30 days.
Accept the fact that she doesn't want to be married to me...yes i have.
Living with it is different. I love her and miss her greatly. Surviving is what I am doing. I am not living.

Yes I have went back to school, started guitar lessons and other "self-improving" things. My docket is full from stem to stern. But as I think about these things, I am not doing them because I have this all comsuming, burning desire to do them. I am filling space. Space that otherwise would, well...just be space.

I know what the wrong things to do are and I am avoiding them like the plague. But just because I am not doing the wrong things doesn't necessarily mean I am doing the right ones does it?

How do I know what the right things are? I saw someone suggest using instuments to navigate. I HAVE INSTRUMENTS????

My heart tells me to go stand infront of my lovely wife's place holding a boom box over my head that is blaring "In your Eyes", a la Lloyd Dobbler. My heart is full of these kissy-face romantic type things that I could do.

We have had about 20 minutes of conversation over the last month and none of it has been of any substance. I got no freakin' idea of how to even talk to her. She doesn't want R talk, she doesn't want to hear I love you, she just doesn't. It is like she is plan B'ing me?

I am confused, befuddled, discombobulated, and one of those DrCu words that no one knows the meaning of.

My Therapist has said I am doing the right things, my pastor and my mom too. In reality I am doing nothing really. So is not doing wrong things actually doing right things or is not doing anything right because then I won't do wrong things. I also know that you know that I know that you have an anti-anti-anti missle missle.

I got no clue where this post went wrong but it did.

OMG...was my mom the head chef? She made the most digusting meatloaf that I ever had the displeasure of sampling. Yet.....moi' is a a meatloaf making genius!

I've been married nearly 27 years and with my hubby for 30+ years and I'm still confused as to what "it's" all about!?! I can pretty much predict what it would take to make HIM happy but am convinced (time tells all) that his happiness will not effect my happiness (or not); therefore, I am chopped liver, so to speak. It's a time honored tradition :-(

<small>[ May 21, 2003, 09:44 PM: Message edited by: GeezLouise ]</small>

Hello d_rose

I feel at the same spot than you are. The only difference is that I'm allowing my heart to cry, feel depressed, lonely and all those bad issues.

I guess we both know we miss the love of our lifes, but also we both know that there is nothing we can do about recovering until they decide to work on the relationship. Is not in our court the ball anymore, and the more we push, the more the ball is far away...

I'm going to try to fill my time like you do but calmy, not in a crazy rush that didn't gave me time to think or feel what I'm feeling.

There is only 2 choices here d_rose and you know it.

One is that some day she will open up the eyes, realize what M means and get tired of messing around...

The other is leave you for good, I know that is the hard part, acceptance that her love for you is not there anymore, and there is nothing you can do to restore it.

I'm going to tell you something my IC told me, maybe you have heard it or not and maybe it will help you or not. I know we both want to be with our loved ones but meanwhile that is not possible, how about if you don't want to meet her and hug her, but you? You see? that is a whole change in a way of thinking. What will be if you instead of waiting for her wait for you? And see all that good stuff you know u got and develop them again? That would make you a better person, a strong one, independent one!.

Well that is my path now. Yes I still very much love my H, this is not about the A anymore and I would gave anything I got to be with him again, but in time we have to realize that we also have to give time, either for heal ourselfs, but also for them to heal themselfs and also for our past rancid relationship to heal and know what we want to do from now on...

I guess that is the most important thing about MB, now we got a pretty good recipe on how should a M work and the things to make it work, either with our spouses or with any future one??

Well I guess I'm rambling too much. Did I make sense at all?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by GeezLouise:
<strong>OMG...was my mom the head chef? :-(</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If your mother is a short bald man then maybe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

27 years...I just rolled 8. I can't make my wife happy. She said the stuff I was doing was wonderful, the attention, the affection, conversation and yes the SF but she could pretty much fill my lot with anyone and it wouldn't matter to her.

Mati,
but also we both know that there is nothing we can do about recovering until they decide to work on the relationship. Is not in our court the ball anymore, and the more we push, the more the ball is far away...

I/we as individuals can recover. She has the ball and she can have the court, I am sitting patiently on the benc, warm-ups off and waiting to get into the game. I don't push, I wait arms open wait for her to come to me.

how about if you don't want to meet her and hug her, but you? You see?

Hug myself??? I do a lot more than that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I guess that is the most important thing about MB, now we got a pretty good recipe on how should a M work and the things to make it work, either with our spouses or with any future one??

I have the recipe and I am a pretty damn good cook too (including meatloaf). I am a little worried about being gunshy in relationships now. With my daughter another set of problems are there. If it was just me, it would be no problem bringing someone else into my life(much later if at all). But I am hesitant of that because of my daughter. For me to be with someone they would also have to be with my daughter and I am leery of having another one of my relationships go bad and having my daughter go through this again.

I am not even close to that position but it is something that I think about sometimes.

you mad perfect sence mati