My H says he felt not a thing for the ow. Unlike allot of your posts I read where they say it is the best sex and just the whole thing is great. That new feeling ext....<BR> He says he felt nothing for her and the 3 times they were in bed it was miserable. My response was yeah right if it was so bad why did you go back 3 times? I am really confused he trys so hard and I just don't know if him telling me he never thinks of her that it was a huge mistake and it was miserable could be the truth. Have any of you gone through this and are they being honest>? Or can I just plan on him doing it again to me? When so many lies have been told what can you believe???

JJM,<P>Maybe this is his way of not having to deal with his feelings for the OW. Or maybe it is true. Who knows - and at this point, he may not even know the true answer.<P>Is he home and activley working on your marriage? If the answer is yes, then focus your efforts and attention on the marriage. If he isn't, maybe he is trying to put feelings for the OW behind him (and this is his way to dit) so he can come home. Just my thoughts...<P>Roll Me Away

Hi JJM -<P>I don't have enough information to say whether to believe him or not....sorry but I just read this thread and your profile....<P>What were/are the problems within the marriage? Where does this "divorce" business stand? Are you trying to rebuild or deciding about it?<P>It sounds like he got to some sort of point that he just wanted the attention or affection of someone and that someone, not being you - was not what he wanted..... Was he feeling neglected or something?<P>They all lie when the affair is on for the most part....when you get some feedback - such as you have - there is truth in it for the most part.<P>If the problems are addressed and fixed then I wouldn't worry about recurrences but if nothing is done and the reasons why this happened are ignored and left unchanged then Yes, it will happen again.<P>Like I said I don't know too much of what you and your H's story is....hope this applies....<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Funny this subject should come up.I have been worried since the day my husband and I have been trying to work things out that he would get back with her somehow.I thought surely he must really care about this woman to risk his wife and children.Not to mention his job being they worked at the same place.By the way.....they still do.<P>He swears to this day that they were just friends and the sex was more of a convenience because she was a willing partner.O.K,but how do you have sex with someone you do not have feelings for?Is that the difference between men and women?Sex to me is a sacred thing between 2 people that care about one another.<P>The wierd thing is that when we separated he even lived with her and 2 other guys for 6 months.She always said he moved in with her because they were seeing each other and they were "a couple".He always said it was just friends and nothing went on between them.Yea......how do you live with someone you had an affair with and from that point on there is no longer sex?Give me a break.I have never believed it then and I do not believe it now.But......he insists to this day that there was no love,and even no attraction.She was there for him and supposedly it only happened 2 or 3 times.<P>So....I wonder the same thing.Can it just be over just like that?Are there still lingering feelings?Does everyone go through these withdrawals that I see talked about so frequently on this sight?My husband claims he has never missed her.I asked if he missed her friendship and he said no because things were better between us.<P>I hope he is telling the truth because of the simple fact they still work at the same place.It scares me everyday that there must have been some spark that started this whole affair.I'm scared if they run into each other that spark may return one day.Of course he says that is the farthest from the truth.<P>So,I hope he is telling the truth and not just making all of this up to spare my feelings.I could never imagine him admitting to loving her if that happened to be the truth.But I cant't live the rest of my life being afraid.I guess I should just be happy he is here and work from there.<P>Tammy

My H claims he likes sex with me better. He is still living with OW. He says he wants to come home after he completes project he is working on at her house. When I ask him if he is having sex, he tells me he has to make it "look good" so she doesn't catch on to his plan of leaving her. So, I guess he is still having sex with her. I am sure he is being fulfilled just as much with her as with me. You just don't know what to believe anymore.<P>Maybe he is right. Maybe he still loves me and love is a very important part of sex. He claims he does not love OW.

In his book "Private Lies" Frank Pittman cites "being polite" as a reason that some people, particularly men, give for having had an affair - and that they honestly mean that. Sometimes sex seems to be "expected" and, rather than seem "rude" men will go ahead and do it... It is kind of like a woman who wants to be wanted going ahead and having sex with a man because she thinks it is a way to repay him for buying her a drink or taking her out...<P>There is no logic to an affair. Don't try to figure that part out. I agree with those above who advise you to look at what the problems are between the two of you - not at why he was with her...<P>Hope this helps in a little way...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<BR>