Well my better half and I have been talking some. She has a lot of stress in her life right now. 1 Her car, some one tried to burn it. 2. she had 2 flat tires the other day( i dont think they are connected), 3. her house is not ready for her to move in to yet and she had to move out of her apt.

She has stayed at my house for a couple of days. things were good. no sex, but we held one another, kissed.

I have been doing a lot of things for her, like bubble baths, cards, roses.

She talked to a friend of mine and said she liked it, but how long will it last. I want to show her forever, it will last as she still tries to see.

I cant prove there is an OM, but sure seems like it. I dont want to think there is, but I would think she would be trying a little harder.

She is in La. she left Fri. I miss her so bad. I dont want to call her, but it is hard.

I just dont know what to do? I know I shouldnt analyze, but that is hard as well

Hi Paul,

Sorry you are having to deal with such a difficult situation. Missing her is a normal feeling but you need to make sure you don't enable her A. This is what she got herself into.

Also don't discard your hunch.

L.

Ok, ist been a about 3 trs since I have been here. What is a, the hunch as what she says, a guy who got her a job teaching para medic students.

I sure hope that she would not (though I see it happens here) be trying to work things out, and still see ing him. She says nothing is going on.

pb,

Keep doing what you are doing. Those little things go a long way. I went and bought like 10 or so cards for my wife and give her one every few days.

She might not be having an A (affair) and of course you would never expect her to because it would be so "out of character" for her. But there is a reason that things are like they are. I hope that it is just relationship stuff and nothing else.

God bless

Well I called her this morning. I wasnt sure if I should, cause I was wanting to giver her space. I also thought if I didn't then she might think I did'nt care how her weekend is going. she told me that her and "her friends took a boat over to La.. Thats a long boat ride.

At least she answered her cell phone right. I told her that I really missed her. She said "you do" well we just talked she was telling me about the weekend and then I told her I missed her again. She said well I miss you too.

She also said she would be back tommorow instead of today. I was gonna take half the day off today to spend with her(I work 24 hr shifts). Its a good thimh I didn't well I guess we will see what happens

pbrown30,

99.9% she has someone. I didn't follow my hunch and I am paying for it. Do a very quick check on your plan A, do your best on it. Bubble baths, cards, roses are good but if those are not part of her complaints or her ENs ... you are wasting your time. You have a very short time until OM pushes further or your W becomes a cake eater monster.

Hang in there and get conseling asap.

-rh-

Her other needs are emotional, I spent the last 2 years blaming my past marraige to do what I want. I didn't relize it then, But I do now.

Man I am at work and to much time to think

How do I do the other needs. She is around and I am sure I will see her when she gets home.

I am tryimg to give her a stable relationship like she wants. I'm just not sure what else to do

<small>[ May 25, 2003, 09:56 PM: Message edited by: pbrown30 ]</small>

pbrown30,

Actually fillin ENs is not the core of plan A. Plan A is to show your W that you could change or changed man already. Fixing all her complaints is the core of plan A. Fillin her ENs and avoiding LB'ng at all cost are a must to do in any R.

-rh-

I know I could fill her needs, and I think I have been. I THINK.

She called me lastnight. I had my cell phone off cause I didn't bring the charger to work. Well he said someone gave her a drink. She got drunk and puked all day. She also said she wanted to see how my day was going, and to be careful at work.

I am a firefighter. And for some reason last night we responded to an Apt. fire (false alarm)and I got scared about it. I didn't want something to happen to me before she got back.

Well she called this morning about the time I got off work To tell me she was fixin to leave for home. Its about an 8hr boat ride. We just talked a little. She said she would call when she got back.

She asked if I was gonna go to the beach with our friends today (we go ever memorial day). I said no I wasnt gonna go with out her. She said you can go have fun with your friends. I said no I woulkd just hang out arund her or at a buddy of mines house. I told her that I loved her, and she did say she loved me too. I keep telling myself this is good, but will be happer when she get s home and I can see her.

THANKS FOR ALL THE HELP

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by pbrown30:
<strong>I know I could fill her needs, and I think I have been. I THINK.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Find out and make sure those the one that counts the most (top 5) then work your way down.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>She asked if I was gonna go to the beach with our friends today (we go ever memorial day). I said no I wasnt gonna go with out her.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Why not ? ... time together is good to show you had changed or capable of change. Any reason why not ?. Even w/ possibilities of one of the male is OM (which you don't know), you should show that you are a good H.

-rh-

The reason why I will not go is because that was one of her complaints. I would go out with my friends. All the time.

She says she didn't like that

So I will not go without her.

Man she said she left La. at seven this morning She has not gotten home yet. I called her mother to ask if she had heard from her she said no she didn't expect her home till this evening.

I AM A WORRIED WRECK

pbrown30,

Don't worry so much for your W safety ... your W has A for sure. They usually can't not be accountable for their time. I know it is hard but you have to let it go for now and concentrate on your plan A.

-rh-

i am working on my planA. I may have messed up last night though. She finally called me around 10:30. She asked me why I called her so many times. She said we are not together and she has not got to answered to me. e kinda got into a big conversation about how I felt about her, and what UI want.

She also caleed me this morning asking how I was. I am at work today, and like I said I am a firefighter and work a 24 hour shift. She said she wanted to see how I was, and if somthing was to happen to me and she didnt talk to me she didnt know if she could deal with that.

We have talked several times today. She said she vomited up blood yesterday, and wanted to go to the docter. I was gonna take emerg. vac. to be with her, but she is at work (paramedic also 24hr) and would wait till tommoroww. I asked if I could go with her. she said if I wanted to.

My question for the day. Why if she doesnt want to try. Why does she listento me.

Also. We have to go out of town to get parts for her truck. Should I talk about this during our ride.

I think so. just try to get some answers

Thanks

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by pbrown30:
<strong>My question for the day. Why if she doesnt want to try. Why does she listento me.

Also. We have to go out of town to get parts for her truck. Should I talk about this during our ride.

I think so. just try to get some answers

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Leave her ALONE !. Leave her alone until you are done with your plan A. Never talk about R unless she started first beside you keep LB'ng anyway. Why not to be her freind for now and let her see your changes.

Vomitting Blood ? ... anything serious out there ?.

-rh-

you are right. Thats what Im ginna try to do. It is hard though.

I feel like she is using me sometimes. She calls and talks to me quite often, but she still goes out, and does the things she does.

She called me this morning at 6:30 just to tell me she was at the hospital with a patient, and that they were busy all night. I will be seeing her for breakfast and to go get the parts for her truck. She has a doctor appt. at 2:30 today. I will be with her.

Being with her in times of need are some of the things she complained about.

THIS IS SO CONFUSING AND HARD.

NEXT QUESTION: How long should I do this? How long do you let her use you as a caprpet? Why does she call me to go get truck parts, and go to the doctor and not "one of her friends"?

should I continue to ask jer out to do things?

should I still tell her I love her when I talk to her?

I will not talk about us at all today.

PRAY FOR ME AND WISH ME LUCK

THANKS

<small>[ May 28, 2003, 07:38 AM: Message edited by: pbrown30 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by pbrown30:
<strong>NEXT QUESTION: How long should I do this? How long do you let her use you as a caprpet? Why does she call me to go get truck parts, and go to the doctor and not "one of her friends"?

should I continue to ask jer out to do things?

should I still tell her I love her when I talk to her?

I will not talk about us at all today.

PRAY FOR ME AND WISH ME LUCK

THANKS</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Plan A is hard and not for sissy ... not even for doormat !. If you use to be doormat before M, you won't last ... your taker will kicks in big time. When to stop plan A ? ... when you are done plan A and W acknowledge your changes but no impact (rejecting your plan A). Or when you can't stop LB'ng, our freindly "taker" start showing up. My ExW used me as a carpet for about 6 months then she filed since she can't stand my plan A & OM was pushing for it. I have no regret on my plan A ... even I know the end would be Dv I still would do it.

One other thing that you should stop doing it is trying to "guess" her actions. Right now she is the driver of this roller coaster and you and OM are the passengers. Sometime she pulls "I love you" petals and sometimes she pulls "I don't love you" petals <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> . She is confused ... this is good actually !, you still have chances. You are in trouble when she shut out outright.

If you use to say "I love you ", keep it or if affirmation is one of her complaint then do it. Not over do it but do it in a suttle way ... unless you don't love her anymore <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> , in which I don't detect it yet. Remember saying I love you could be an LB and also if it is not part of your plan A don't do it !. You are viewed as talking/fishing for R talk here.

Be her best freinds and show your love to her via your actions .... fillin her ENs as much as she allows you too.

Your M could survive this ...

Red hat I'm gonna start posting in the plan A post