It is one year later and my R with my GF is moving along nicely with the occasional mountain to climb. I see a future vastly different than the one I saw just a year or two ago. I better future to be sure, but still not the one I'd prefer to have.

This may sound crazy, but as screwed up as I was and my R with XW I could've lived my life with her and been happy in my own world. It wasn't until I was out of it that I saw it for what it was. To the rest of the world it looked like a mess, but for me I was hopelessly in-love and happy to spend the rest of my life with her even though I was a miserable wreck. It was what I knew. Is it better to happy and ignorant or to know there is something better out there and to strive for it?

I've got my chip back in the game and I'm going for it all, but what happens if it doesn't work out?

I'm reaching for the better me and a better life.
If I succeed, hey great. If I fail maybe I was better off being ignorant.