I received a letter from H's lawyer today requesting that I retain a lawyer. The very short letter indicates that my "husband" is seeking legal separation.

I have to find out why he hasn't filed for divorce because having been out of the house for as long as he has, Canadian law would recognize it.

In any case, I'm not well.

<small>[ May 30, 2003, 04:56 AM: Message edited by: Terrified ]</small>

Terri,

Well this is sad news but also freeing news. He has held you in bondage (mentally and emotionally) for soooo long. It is time he release you and your little one from his abusing control. Maybe then he can heal. I am not saying you were preventing his healing. I am saying that his need to abuse and control you prevent him from healing.

This OW is not that great. Otherwise you would have been cast aside a long time ago. Nope IMHO, he knows he needs his family. Note I said he needs. His need is probably greater than yours but NOT greater than your daughter's.

Fine line for a WS to walk in the fog.

Terri, others will post more valuable info later but for now, take a deep breathe. Know that you have done a good job at being a W and mother. That part of you won't stop (regardless of the sep or D). If so, that is ok.

You have made great strides since you have come to MB. Great and good strides. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sending you a cyber hug.

take care,
L.

Thank you O for your kinds words.

I now feel I can become more detached, set boundaries and actually live them, enforce them.

I just am at a loss as to how quickly to reply to the letter because there's no mention of date

When talking to Steve last week, he advised me to move to plan B. Has anyone dealt with legal seaparation while in or starting Plan B?

Thanks again O.

Hello Terrified,

Sorry you are now going to the next step. I personally think that a legal separation and Plan B are mutually exclusive. People on the boards can have a legal separation and still be in Plan A. The sole point of Legal separation is to protect you and your children financially and can set up child visitations and other legal issues occurring due to living in separate households. Legal separation does not mean that the two of you have to have a divorce. I am not sure how long your H has been out of the house but it does not hurt to interview a few lawyers and start the ball rolling on the legal separation. You can also send the Plan B letter.

It will actually help you to have the legal separation because than you will have clear cut guidelines for child visitations and what he will have to give in way of financial support for the children.

I am sorry to hear your pain and shock at his request.

I am living in Alberta, and have been looking into the steps to filing for divorce, because I'm about to do so.

He probably wants to file for legal separation to divide up your assets before he files for divorce. This is because the process is as follows (to the best of my understanding it is), either he (or you):

a) file for divorce by filing "statement of claim and matrimonial property" and include a list of assets he is asking you for, and then you can play legal volley ball about the list, serving each other with lists of what you're willing or not willing to agree to, costing big bucks in hourly lawyers fees.

or

b) write up a separation agreement first so that all of the matrimonial property is already divided, and then filing for divorce will be an efficient process of a couple of months. (This is what I am attempting to do with my H before I file for divorce.)

That's just my guess. I'd say contact a lawyer yourself to learn more about what the laws are like in your province.

Take care,

Jen

T-

I am sorry to see this... but it could be good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Maybe you can use this opportunity to speak calmly and kindly to him, and even lovingly. Tell him that you do not want a D -like plan B says- and that you hope this will make the seperation more amicable, and then -maybe- the two of you can work towards counseling in time, IF -plan B- he drops the ow? JMHO- be kind , but draw boudaries.

A legal seperation will help you with -
his coming in the house
child support
visistation issues
etc.
ground rules for this kind of living... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I know it is sad.

I had to file with the TX Attorney General- I did this in Nov.- and honestly I think it scared wh a bit. He now owes me a minimum amount per month.. although I am not satisfied with the amount....

Anyway, it also outlined in a -temporary order- visitation, that I was not totally aware would happen when I filed. ANd really regular visits are better than confusion... and good for the kids... despite my hatred of the whole situation, it is what crazy wh wants.

Anyway, I think it makes it seem more scary for both of us, and it has made him shape up a bit. Maybe there are some consequences you can impose on wh, that he should take care of , that would help you??? and make him think twice.....?

Such as more responsibility for home, family, etc..... childcare bills, etc? Even a yardman or paying for home repairs.

Keep us posted, prayers going out to you.

Hugs and Hope, Honey

My friend Terrified...

So your facing some of what scares you most...and you're still HERE!!!!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

YOU'RE STILL HERE>>>YOU"RE STILL that wonderful mom you are and have been..

YOU'RE STILL the woman who makes a he!! of a good grilled bruschetta.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

YOU'RE STILL YOU....inside, outside, in your guts and in your soul...

nothing has really changed...still breathing in and out.....

and you are STILL the one that likes Barry Mannilow...for which you have been forgiven... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Get it TERR...for as bad as you thought this would be

HERE YOU ARE.....and YOU'RE OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I bet it hurts....but move through that pain and imagine becoming who ever it is you want to be...

move though that pain and imagine being that woman who can not be affected by her spouses cruelity...

imagine moving through that pain and saying hey dude...turn the leafs game off and git out of here......there's a show on Lifetime (the womans channell) that I am planning on watching.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> and that's MY remote!!!!!!! and I never did think you were that good at hockey .....

This is not as scarey as you imagined it to be...
this is gonna be OK
you're gonna be all right...

you're gonna find your ground...and stand your ground...and you're gonna grow...and become someone you never imagined...and who won't reconize that old you....

hhhmmmm
is this what you really feared the most...
cause here you are...and you're gonna be fine...

I look forward to you taking those steps that leave that miserable self centered...what DID Lor call him...oh yeah..... one angry, immoral, buttheaded bully in the dust...

You will grow from this...in leaps and bounds if you let yourself risk...and take those scarey steps...and perhaps he will to...cause what has been hasn't worked....

perhaps he will grow and change...perhaps not...but nothing he does or doesn't do...should stop you not now...not ever...

ARK....

Ark^^ (with breasts <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

YOU are wonderful!

Susan

This is good .... movement out of a terrible stalemate.

Get legal representation right away.

This is pee or get off the pot time.

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Terrified:
<strong>The very short letter indicates that my "husand" is seeking legal separation.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If "husand" is how it's spelled, that is SO typical!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I don't get how these so-called "legal" letters can mean much when they have such obvious mispellings or typos!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I am, and always will be confused on the term "legal separation" too. Why go through all the trouble of dividing assets and arranging custody and support, and then stay married??? At least on your H's part, if he's SO sure (as his words claim he is)... I don't get why he hasn't just filed for a D. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

It could be my spitefulness towards him (sad.. since I don't even know him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )... but I say, beat him to the punch Terri... you should file for exclusive possession of the matrimonial home, and all of its contents . You can always alter your application in the future, if something changes.

If you still have my number... give me a call if you need to talk. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Or message me on here, and I'll email it to you.

Karen

T I know that this is hard for you and scary forging into the unknown, but please tell me what is different with this new news. You were living as a separated wife and mother. Now with this legal paper you will be able to get child support (if you were not already) plus you can noe set up legally child visitation schedule which will help you in the long run.. no more of him walking in and helping himself to your shower, food, washer, and dryer. I truly think this will also help you with detaching from him.

I also want to say that a comment you made a long time ago something with your mother, stuck in my head. It had to do with your reaction to something she said. YOU NEED to work on your self esteem, every thing your wasband said is not golden,(in other words he not GOD) the last time I heard GOD did not not leave his wife and kid for some slavic chic in some back water country, Please step away and look at the big pic, anyone that sides with you wasband is not a good canidate for good values and plus why should you care what a delusional man says any way. I know he was your wasband and you might have good memories but he is not that person now and who he is now is a person who is running and hiding and very angry. Pretty angry for a 2 yr old oh a mean a married man who says he is doing the right thing for himself I should think he would be brimming with happiness by now...

Please detach and focus on YOU!!!!!!!!!!! You are the main care giver for your little girl and as long as you are focus on your future and happiness the rest will fall in place, I know you go to church so LET GOD AND LET GO.........HE WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOU LITTLE BABE. You do have it in you and I know you can do this.
Know that you are loved my many here. Never doubt that. Be strong woman I know you have that strenght in you.

Unless it is truely a legal strategy, it sounds to me like your husband is still trying to manipulate and abuse you emotionally.

Terri, I really really wish you had already set up a visitation routine with him. Because going to plan B is going almost impossible, trying to get your daughter used to a new routine.

You really REALLY should be in Plan B, and he should NOT be allowed in your home.

If this is the way he wants to play, then fine, get an attorney, and file. Don't you dare just sit there crying while he acts like a jerk - thats EXACTLY what he wants. He's trying to punish you and get the upper hand.

Never once Terri, have you responded to his behavior, in a healthy way that results in consequences fof his actions. I truely believe that this is why you are here in this spot now.

Please take care of you Terri! Ark is right...you are FINE, and you will always be FINE, the earth hasn't shattered, and we all still love you for who you are! ((hhugs))

Hello everyone. Thanks for your replies.

Yes, I am here. Not shattered, not shocked but in a great deal of pain. Yes, it was coming. Most of you saw this. I did too. Just couldn't believe that "we" have come to this. Decided that I hate Canadian law that appears to favour abandoning spouses. "As long as the child is not in danger"...well, wait a minute, you're telling me that what my husband has done does not endanger the emotional well being of my child? Okay, I'm a little discouraged right now. I am now looking to find some good representation (Pepper, I am getting off the pot and I guess so is H) and have found out that most courts enforce one night a week and every other weekend.

Oh well, I must deal with this. Another reality I dislike but must grudgingly accept.

By the way, when meeting with Steve last Thursday, he did advise that I move to Plan B. Drop/offs...no letting him in the house...do not attend social functions where he'll be in attendance.

Guess what BR? I have been in Plan B since Sunday. It's now Friday. I don't answer the phone at work or at home when it's him. Haven't called him. I emailed him a schedule for the month of June before I received the dreaded letter. He dropped D off on Wednesday. I enforced the drop off at the door...a little resistance from D but in minutes, she was fine. I was the show of dignity in front of my H despite the fact that just 1/2 hour before, I had opened up the letter. And I think the legality has enabled me to enforce Plan B behaviour. Steve H. said I should be like the Bedford wives. No emotion. Courteous.

I have changed a little. The old me would have ranted and raved at how much pain he has caused. Now, he has to guess. Thank-you MB'ers. I have learned much.

Hello MN, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Legal separation does not mean that the two of you have to have a divorce.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, but it's almost inevitable, isn't it? All this time and money to put together a written agreement...and then you reconcile? Knowing H as I do, by taking this step, he's pretty convinced that he wants to dissolve the marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It will actually help you to have the legal separation because than you will have clear cut guidelines for child visitations </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, you're right. This will help me to enforce Plan B and become structured.

Hello Jen, Yes, I believe you're right about Option B. I checked it out yesterday.

Hello Honey, You always to manage to put a positive light on everything. Somehow, this one is a little tougher, isn't it?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> despite my hatred of the whole situation, it is what crazy wh wants.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The way I feel exactly...

Okay Ark, You had me smirk, but that's all.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you're gonna find your ground...and stand your ground...and you're gonna grow...and become someone you never imagined...and who won't reconize that old you....
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">God, I wish you were right. I don't feel that strength of your statements. I feel like I've lost the world underneath my feet but I'm TRYING Ark...

I'm going through the motions of life, Ark. Talking to a lawyer about breaking up a marriage is the s***s, you know? And what floors me is that HE did it...

Hi Topie, Thanks for pointing out my spelling mistake. OOPS...too emotional these days.

As Jen Brown pointed out, a written agreement becomes a better way (and legally advised) of setting the pace for the divorce. I wondered too but no hope there.

Hi SS,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I truly think this will also help you with detaching from him. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I believe you're right.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I know you go to church so LET GOD AND LET GO......... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will try.

Hi BR, Wondered about how you are doing physically? Hope you're better...

I do believe my H is going the legal route to get his custody right in writing and to get his share of the half the assets.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Never once Terri, have you responded to his behavior, in a healthy way that results in consequences fof his actions. I truely believe that this is why you are here in this spot now.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How should I have responded in the past?

BR, you filed before your reconciliation because that is what Steve H. advised. Had both you and your husband retained legal counsel? How far into the process were you?

You mentioned that you were at a certain level of acceptance with all of it?

Thanks again to all of you.

terr,

Hope you are well...

How are YOU in Plan b....how has the week been...

Terr...remember that even his choice to break vows and seek an emotional attachment is his alone to claim..

It is not a reflection of you, you as a wife, you as a mother...you as a spouse....

that he chose this path....

HE did do that....and yet that is no reflection on you that you believed in forever with him..
that you believed him when he said he loved you...etc...you are not a fool, or dumb, and people don't see you as that...

He chose a path that he himself is not happy with...that has little honor or nobility to..and still terrified that is not a reflection of you...and he will have to work it out...

people that know and love will see you just are you always have been...regardless that you believe that will seen as that wife that couldn't make him "happy"...that's not how the world works....people know differently...you KNOW differently...but you have to feel it and believe it in you....

ARK

Ark, I adore you. Honest. Cross my heart. Hope to die...(closer to the truth than what I would like)

I wish you were my neighbour so we battle over Barry blaring...and you could hit me over the head and push me to the place I need to be...

Ark, I am hurting. Not shocked. Just grieving who we were...I often wonder how he ignores it. How our assets will be split unemotionally when we worked so hard as a young couple to get to where we were...we were mortgage free, investment plans, debt free...now, it's just hard to look at this situation and think I'll be better off SOMEDAY.

On the other hand, he's willing to start fresh with someone else, buy a house...do it all over again WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

God, I HAVE TO GET PAST THIS.

Just bear with me. Don't give up.

<small>[ May 30, 2003, 09:58 AM: Message edited by: Terrified ]</small>

Terri,
Get a really, really good lawyer. I asked around and I wanted 2 things in my lawyer--Christian and a reputation as tough.

I got her. When I told my counselor my choice (and they've gone to the same church) he was a little scared because she has a reputation of going after wayward H's.

It wasn't my intent to ruin my H, not at all, in fact I wanted everything to be equitable at that point. But her reputation carried a weight. Even so, she is so pro-marriage, when our marriage reconciled, she never charged me for the paper work she had done or the 2 meetings.

If you've been advised to get a lawyer, don't [censored]-foot around. Meet this challenge with everything you've got. If needed you can always back off later.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">All this time and money to put together a written agreement...and then you reconcile? Knowing H as I do, by taking this step, he's pretty convinced that he wants to dissolve the marriage </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know we're pretty unusual, but I served the papers, I wanted the divorce at the time. I was tired, had no hope left and wanted my life to be different than continuous separations. My H had threatened divorce for almost 2 years, he said he wanted it, had acted like a single guy, he'd told people we were getting divorced. I thought he'd be relieved I started the process. But...we reconciled.

It ain't over 'til it's over.

Terr,

Hope you are well...you know I just wanted to tell you that even though you may not see it..
your responses,
your posts,
you sound a lot stronger than I think you realize...
that I sometimes expect a total different response...and what I get is a woman who does sound stronger and more sure of herself....

I really mean that ....

When are you gonna get angry T? When are you gonna take the time you need...when is old whoseywhatsit...(the man who is not worthy to clean the dishes you eat off of...)..

When can we come up with a good nick name for "him'?
lets have a contest...nothing to mean...but something...I will have to think on this...hmmmmm... anyways....I digress as usual...

When is he gonna take your daughter and you have some time to just really get angry and rage over this...

you view the planning of your future with him with such hurt and pain...where's the anger that YOU did this and HE'S the one that F-d it all up...NOT YOU!!!!

anger as part of the grieving process is a good and natural thing...and you seem to still be in the other stages....
and that's OK as long as you don't take on the role of being to BLAME for this...cause that's ALL he's given you....and it's not true......

when are you gonna get mad that this guy blames you for everything....

And he doesn't need to see your anger..it's not for him...it's for you...to help you move on....

I realize this is unfair..you are at work and everything...but I am just curious..
where YOU are at in all this...and perhaps it's time to look at this situation with some different emotional thermometer...

I hope you take Lor's advice....

And I for one adore you AND Canada...I love nothing more than to spend my summer vacation laying on rocks warmed by sun on the banks of the Georgian Bay watching the northen lights..

I love Lake Huron and have many time visited St. Sault_Marie...(not sure if that's how you spell it...)
Hey check that neighborhood...for for-sales signs... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (but I'm not sure the government will let me in)...JUST KIDDING!!!!

ARK

Hello.

I'm okay. Looking for good counsel. Went to see one yesterday who happens to be in the same building as my H's counsel. She says my H's counsel is a really good person. Fair but good.
However, when I met with her, she was a little hard of hearing and cold. I guess that's lawyers for you.

Anyway, I thought I'd meet with a few more before making my selection. I made another appt today with someone else who isn't as available. This one seemed READY and willing. Another one I've made an appt with is not able to see me until June 24th and she charges for consultation.

Anyone have any ideas/advice on how to select proper counsel?

Of course, I sent a formal letter off to my H's lawyer indicating I was in the process of selecting counsel and would provide him with a status by next week. Do you think that's okay?

I'm not stalling. Just don't want to be rushed into such a key decision. I just received the letter last Wednesday.

How's my Plan B? Well, I haven't called him AT ALL. Friday, he dropped my D off at 6:00 as requested. This was "his weekend" but soccer and ballet until noon, lunch...led to a nap until 5:30. Not that he minded. He took her at 6:00. Came back at 8:30. Grumbling that she's a brat and it's all my fault in front of her.

Great. I responded curtly to D that her father shouldn't speak like that.

Closed the door. D didn't cry.

Next day, he picked her up at 12:00 noon. Said he'd be back at 6:30. Instead, he's back by 5:30.

I'm out. He goes in the house. Damn.

I had mowed the lawn. He goes out to trim the edges.

I ignore him. I'm really angry but say nothing.

Take D to the park.

I come home and resend him the Plan B email requesting he avoid any contact with me.

He fires one back accusing me of trying to keep his daughter away from him and actually has the b*lls to send me pictures of D.

I have to do this. Ark, I am angry.

Help me guys. How am I supposed to interact in dropoffs, email, etc.???

I'm learning so throw anything at me.

Lor, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I asked around </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Who did you ask? Are there any resources out there that I can tap into?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was tired, had no hope left and wanted my life to be different than continuous separations. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did you feel sad? During this stint with lawyers involved, how did you interact with your H? Did it affect the way in which you treated one another?

Ark, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> and what I get is a woman who does sound stronger and more sure of herself.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's probably because I went out and bought a new leather jacket (camel) and a size 0 black Ralph Lauren dress. Not bragging about the size...it's what the last several years has done to me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I realize this is unfair..you are at work and everything...but I am just curious..
where YOU are at in all this...and perhaps it's time to look at this situation with some different emotional thermometer... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just to let you know, today, I find myself angry. Angry at him for giving up. But I want to grow Ark, not become embittered.

And guess what? I love Georgian Bay too! So what if different music is playing...it's absolutely one of the most beautiful places in Ontario.

Thank-you.

I'm trying to proceed forward with every ounce of dignity I can muster.

Terri,
When I asked around, I asked friends who had been divorced, a friend who is a litigator (doesn't do divorces), friends who have many lawyer friends. 3 names kept coming up and my plan was to call their offices to find out their procedures...and the first one was a match.

Of course, I sent a formal letter off to my H's lawyer indicating I was in the process of selecting counsel and would provide him with a status by next week. Do you think that's okay?

Sounds fine.

Grumbling that she's a brat and it's all my fault in front of her.

Great. I responded curtly to D that her father shouldn't speak like that.

Honestly, sometimes he sounds so immature and like a big ole brat himself.

I'm out. He goes in the house. Damn.

Did you specifically state you don't want him to enter your house if you aren't home?

He fires one back accusing me of trying to keep his daughter away from him and actually has the b*lls to send me pictures of D.

He's the one who has chosen to move out of the home and stay out, so it is because of his actions that he doesn't see his daughter as much as he could if he lived with you. His unreasonableness (sp?, word?) is why you no longer wish to speak with him on a regular basis.

Help me guys. How am I supposed to interact in dropoffs, email, etc.???

I think you've got it. Polite if you have to speak. If he's not polite, tell him you want him to leave. If he won't leave and continues to be ugly, call the cops. If he does leave, you can reiterrate in an email how you wish him to behave. If he natters on about how awful you are, make a copy (document threats, accusations), but don't reply in kind.

Did you feel sad? During this stint with lawyers involved, how did you interact with your H? Did it affect the way in which you treated one another?

I think I was sad, angry, determined, frustrated, irritated, self-protective and wished it was all different.

But my situation was different than yours at that point. When I served the papers, my H did Plan A, so there he was at last being sweet, considerate, nice, helpful, loving and I was acting like in the manner of someone in the process of divorce with boundaries and distancing. I told him that I wasn't his best friend, his lover, his counselor or comforter.

And, his feelings were hurt because he was trying to do the right thing by then.

I didn't trust his change of heart was real, it wasn't the first time he'd done some of that while we were separated. So, I felt torn, I wanted to believe him, but I didn't dare.

If he'd acted like your H, I think I would have been more sure I was on the right track.

I think your H in some way has liked the arrangements between the 2 of you. He's had his family when he wished. He's hit on you (that's a form of testing I think). But he's also been brutal in pushing you away and threatening you with not only his loss as a husband but with losing custody of your daughter. Something about all of that has met his needs.

Now that you have changed the parameters, he has to change too. He has to because you won't allow his verbal abuse or pseudo-husbandly acts. So, because he is an angry person, he's going to be angry and you have to know that you have to limit his opportunities to be angry with you in your presence.

Also, by always coming to your place, you haven't been able to be the one to walk out. If some of these exchanges take place on his turf, you take your daughter and leave. He definitely has a power and control game going and you are breaking up the game format.

Terrified this might sound dumb but look for people who are "happily" divorced and as for a referral. by happily i mean they are happy with the outcome of the divorce and they were treated fairly. good luck