Hi All-

Things have been very difficult lately and it’s time to turn once again to this forum so I can get my balance back and see things in their proper perspective.

It all started on Friday. X was in a ruckus about the time he had been spending with DS lately. He wanted DS on Thurs., Friday, and Saturday. He wanted me to have him Sunday and Monday. I told him that this wasn’t acceptable for me because I had to work the entire weekend due to a major order that came our way. We agreed that I would have DS on Saturday after 3:00 and that X would pick DS up by 3:00 on Sunday. Then I would get him after 3:00 on Monday.

Well as predicted, it didn’t go down this way at all. DS was marching in his first parade on Sunday and X blew him off to go to the Flea Market in New York. Reminder, he agreed to 3:00 (I was going to go in at 4:00) but didn’t call until 6:00 for DS. I didn’t get the message then, but he called again at 7:30 and I spoke with him directly. He wanted to come and get DS right then. My answer to him was no. I felt it was too late to be picking him up. I told him that we would call him in the morning when DS woke up.

The next morning DS woke up late – 9:30. I was in the middle of feeding him breakfast when his Dad calls and starts accusing me of holding DS from him, etc. I told him that DS was eating and he would call once he was ready. Eventually, about ½ hour later, Ds and I drove to dad’s house. While on the way, dad calls me on my cell and decides to pick a fight. Several times I tell him to stop that I am not interested in fighting, but eventually, it escalates. I get to the house and it gets worse. GF and I get into it and I basically tell her to mind her business and stay out of it. I will admit that I am not proud of this confrontation, but certain things regarding DS needed to be addressed and I am glad that I voiced some of what I did. If I had to do it over, I would have been calm and not confrontational. Looking back on it, I realize that I took the bait that was being laid for me. I’m very foolish sometimes.

The end result to all of this is:

1. The bathroom that GF decided to claim for herself, (my DS has used this bathroom since he was 6 weeks old) will be utilized by DS. Prior to this, he had to use Dad’s bathroom in his master bedroom. Totally wrong considering that the bathroom in question is across the hall from DS’s room!

2. Dad hates me now more than ever. He refuses to see that he was neglectful in his responsibility to pick DS up. His attitude is that I should have dropped DS off at a baby sitters and gone to work.

3. I feel good that I finally stood up for myself and am trying to consistently set boundaries with both DS and Dad. I feel Awful thought that we are in conflict now.

4. Dad sent me an email stating his complaints. He has also called a few times trying to goad me into another argument. I addressed his email as honestly and politely as I could. I accepted responsibility for my actions, and I reminded him that we will continue to hurt each other until all of this is settled because that is human nature.

5. I told him that I didn’t want to argue anymore.

Well, after I replied to his email, I didn’t hear from him. He was supposed to travel, his trip was bumped two days, but I still ended up with DS. (Remember, he’s been complaining about how little time he has with DS lately)

Yesterday was DS’s birthday. We had planned to go to dinner FOR DS, but because of Monday’s events, dad wanted to take DS for a few hours and then drop him by my place. My answer to him was No. I told him that we made a promise to DS and we should put our differenced aside for him. I told him I was still planning on taking him to dinner and he was welcome to join us. I receive the: You treated me like $hit so I’m not coming. If you can behave, then I’ll be there.

My response to him was:
“X, this is about DS, not us. I am taking him to XXXXX. If you want to join us, that’s where we will be. If not, that is your choice. He said that he wouldn’t be joining us. Okay, DS and I will have a blast, nothing lost there. I said to him: “Okay”.

Then he started again about how I didn’t respect him, etc. I reminded him about how he isn’t supporting my needs when I have to work, but every time he snaps his fingers for his job, I’m there. He then said FU to me and I responded with, No Thanks! And terminated the phone call.

Since that was a bust, I asked DS where he wanted to go. He told me the carnival. We bypassed XXXXX and took a chance on the carnival. When we got there, it was raining so we decided to go home. We had dinner, opened presents, and began to watch his new DVD when the phone rang. It was X. He talked with DS for a few minutes and hung up. When I looked at my messages, I realized he had called earlier. I retrieved the message and discovered that he had decided to show up at XXXXX and was calling to let me know that he was there!!!!

I feel awful, and I sincerely didn’t mean to omit him from DS’s day. He called DS this morning to say Hi. Then he called me at 9 to find out if I packed DS a cold lunch because he was going on a trip today….I explained the circumstances that led to the events last night and expressed that it was important to me that we all be there together for DS. I told him that I didn’t mean to hurt him last night and if I did, I wanted him to know I sincerely was sorry.

What is going on here? I am completely confused and questioning EVERY decision I make. Why is everything out of control all of a sudden? Did I handle the birthday thing correctly? Why isn’t he being supportive of me and justifying his bad choices?

Help.

<small>[ May 30, 2003, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: kily ]</small>

Kily,

I may get flamed by others here, but my call on this is GOOD NEWS! why do I say this?

Well, first off, the situation with your DS was almost exactly like my youngest son's birthday back in December. My wife had just come back from her trip to Florida with the OM. She was in a definite mood! I told her about the birthday plans for my youngest, but in my case, because things had gotten so bad, I knew that it would spoil his birthday if we got together. So, I told her that she could have him part of the day, and I would take him the rest. Well, she said she had to work. Funny how she didnt have to work when she went to Florida to hang out with OM, but that is a different subject! Anyway, the kids and I went to Chucky Cheese for sons 5th birthday. While there, my wife calls from work, and says she wants to show up. now remember, I was in full Plan B at this point and did not want her there. But she came anyway.

My oldest was sick, and I ended up taking him to the hospital later that night. The only thing I would discuss with my wife was his sickness while we were at our son's party. I wouldnt even look at her. while before she was there, everyone was having fun (except for my rapidly getting sick older son), after she arrived, everything got extremely awkward for everyone. I kept quiet and stayed away from her interactions with the kids. But you could tell they were nervous and apprehensive around her. The whole mood of the party had changed.

The point I am trying to make here was now that I look back on this, I can see that she was using the kids, and specifically this party, to bust through my Plan B. I did not take the bait. As was said on another thread, an LB in Plan A is not necessarily an LB in Plan B. You told your ex about the party. You told him when and where. If he had said maybe he was coming, then you would have called him to give him the location change. But he said he wasnt coming. So him showing up at XXXXX and you not being there is HIS FAULT, not yours. So, you need to get over feeling sorry for him missing his son's birthday. He made the choice to act like a child. so, he missed the birthday because of it.

My second point is that I feel this anger and pressure from him is a good sign. Why? Because I believe Plan B is now working. The same things happened with my wife. She showed up unannounced, to see the kids. But really, she would spend 5 miuntes with them, and then come looking for me. I did not fall for it. I told her that if she had something to talk about the kids, then let's do it. If she wanted to spend time with the kids, then go do it. But if she wanted anything else, she needed to leave. And I did not give her the opportunity to respond. Three weeks later, she is knocking at my door, wanting to talk. And this time, for the first time, I finally believed she meant it.

Plan B does two things. It moves you on with your life and begins to protect yourself. The second thing it does is put the spouse in the postion to have you no longer in their life. It is very uncomfortable for them. Thus, the anger directed at you.

Do not fall for this Kily. I know he isnt your husband, and I know that you were the one who had an affair. But, the situation has changed, as you know. he either wants you in his life, or he wants his current gf. If he wants his current GF, then he is justified in doing so and it is time to get on with your life. But that means, he doesnt get you in his, unless you feel comfortable being JUST FRIENDS. But, if he still harbors love for you, then this Plan B will make him learn what life is like without you.

So far, it looks like life without Kily is not all it's cracked up to be. Stay strong, and let him stew. something will give way shortly, I promise.

In His arms.

<small>[ May 29, 2003, 10:15 AM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

Mortarman-

Something has already given way. I don't WANT him any longer. Not to be disrespectful but he and GF can have each other. I want a partner, not a dictator. He hasn't changed his attitude at all.

I talked to my lawyer this week and based on things I've told her, it looks as if I will be awarded the Custody of DS. We have a court hearing on Monday and will say that we are being contested because X doesn't want to budge on daycare location. Plus all the traveling doesn't help his case at all.

Ds doesn't WANT to go with X anymore. He cries now when he can't come home with me. This only started last week.

Also, we are getting ready to settle the house. It looks as if I will receive what I asked for. She thinks I'm being more than generous and feels that it will turn out in my favor too...

I'm just very frustrated at his attitude right now.

Thanks mortarman...I needed that.

Kily,

It is good that you are moving on. So was I at this point. My only point is that, just as I was surprised to see my changed wife on my doorstep, I wouldnt bet the farm that this is the last chapter.

I a not trying to get you to hold out hope. And like I said, it is good you are moving on. Maybe he never comes around. Maybe even if he does, you will want nothign to do with him. Fine.

All I am saying is that for him, I think the reality of the situation is settling in. Kily is no longer there to be beat upon over her affair. She is getting on with her life, and her family. He now has to chose. Stay with GF and watch his family leave him behind. Or maybe confront some things and find another solution.

Until he decides which way is going to be his choice, expect this behavior out of him. Go on with your life. A week before my wife showed up in January, I had told everyone that the way I saw it, there was a snow ball's chance in Hades that I would take her back at that point. I was getting stronger, and began to see my life without this seige.

I have now learned to never say never. You are fine. Just understand that his reactions right now are normal. One way or the other, yo uare starting to get your life back.

In His arms.

MM-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> All I am saying is that for him, I think the reality of the situation is settling in. Kily is no longer there to be beat upon over her affair. She is getting on with her life, and her family. He now has to chose. Stay with GF and watch his family leave him behind. Or maybe confront some things and find another solution.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I agree completely.

I was just thinking that he is now starting to face the consequences of HIS choices. For once, I am not plan-A'ing him. I'm doing what's right for me. I no longer strive to be the best person I can be around him...I'm simply me for me.

Now that I am no longer accepting scraps, and I'm laying boundaries down, X is starting to see what a separation really means. He doesn't have the rights to come and go as he pleases with DS any longer. I have put my foot down and he isn't liking it. Truthfully, that is what happens during a sepparation.

Ever since I had my A, he has felt entitlement to everything.. He has thron my actions in my face time and time again because it gave him power over me. He felt that I didn't have rights to the house or my son. He thought that he could treat me like garbage for the rest of my life. It only lasted as long as I let it. Now I'm not and he isn't sure what to do about it...

What he hasn't recognized is that the shoes have been swapped. I am now the responsible one that is centered and focused. I am not putting up with inappropriate behavior anymore. I am not accepting his choices as my own...they are his choices. Sure mine were awful, but since then, they've been pretty responsible, supportive, and loving.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Until he decides which way is going to be his choice, expect this behavior out of him. Go on with your life. A week before my wife showed up in January, I had told everyone that the way I saw it, there was a snow ball's chance in Hades that I would take her back at that point. I was getting stronger, and began to see my life without this seige.

I have now learned to never say never. You are fine. Just understand that his reactions right now are normal. One way or the other, yo uare starting to get your life back.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm running with my life now. I look forward to going home at night.I haven't felt this way in five years! There are actually times when I find myself singing and smiling - just because. I like the person I've grown into. I don't like the person that X has become.

Yes, I think the snowball in hell thing is realy apt here. I don't see the possibility of us getting together anymore. He is unwilling to look inside, and he is unwilling to change. I will never say never, but I think the odds are really low.....

Thanks again. I feel a little better.

Mortarman-

I have a question. After you saw your wife at the party and ypu dealt with your son, did you have any time where the pain came back from just having cotact with her again?

I saw X last night, briefly. We hardly spoke and he wouldn't even look at me. While this immature baby stuff was going on, I was fine because my walls were up. About 15 minutes after we parted, my walls came down and I really cried. It suprised me because up until that point I really didn't want to be around him. Then when I am, it affects me. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm nuts or if this is normal...

Also-
He keeps trying to pick fights with me. I'm wondering why. An example is that he calls me to see if I packed DS a cold lunch for his trip then he tries to goad me into fighting about the events that already happened.

I get an email today about a stupid fanny pack that I took by mistake.

Why contact me if he wants his life? Why keep calling to remind me or ask me about DS's things when I am a capable and responsible parent. It's making me nuts because I feel like I have to question myself over and over...

<small>[ May 30, 2003, 10:39 AM: Message edited by: kily ]</small>

Hey Kily,

Hope things are well.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mortarman- I have a question. After you saw your wife at the party and you dealt with your son, did you have any time where the pain came back from just having contact with her again?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Absolutely! That night, I dont think I slept a wink. I cried. But you know what? She never knew that. It took several days afterwards for me to calm down and get "normal" again. Look, the same "addiction" that the WS has with the OP, goes for the BS foe the WS. In Plan B, we begin to get withdrawal symptoms as we pull away from that which used to make us happy. It is painful. And jsut like NC between lovers, the NC between WS and BS is a must to be able to build a new life. As soon as there is contact, the pain starts all over again. After this party, I went to GREAT lengths to make sure I didnt talk to her much or see her. When she came to get the kids for her visit with them, I had them go out to meet her, so I didnt have to even see her. It worked to keep me from going into my addiction. And it worked on her because her addiction to me was now not being fed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I saw X last night, briefly. We hardly spoke and he wouldn't even look at me. While this immature baby stuff was going on, I was fine because my walls were up. About 15 minutes after we parted, my walls came down and I really cried. It suprised me because up until that point I really didn't want to be around him. Then when I am, it affects me. I'm just trying to figure out if I'm nuts or if this is normal...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Normal, normal, normal. As I stated above.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Also- He keeps trying to pick fights with me. I'm wondering why. An example is that he calls me to see if I packed DS a cold lunch for his trip then he tries to goad me into fighting about the events that already happened. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If he didnt care, he wouldnt fight. I remember something my wife once told me...I didnt have to worry as long as we were fighting...the worry should come as soon as she is silent. We do not fight over that which we do not care about. This is a VERY BIG example of why I think your plan B is working! Do not get coaxed into the fight. In a weird way, the fight allows him to get his "Kily-fix." He is in withdrawal from you now. As a cake eater, he didnt want to change anything. if he left Gf and came back to you, that would cause pain. GF is just as happy to leave things as they are. As long as you kept them the same, you were the only one hurting. Now, you are causing him pain. He is losing what you provide for him. Now, he has no choice but to live in pain until he makes a choice...GF or Kily. That is why he is fighting you. He wants to go back to the status quo...he is an addict in need of a fix. Kily, stop fighting with him. Stop ENABLING him. Let hm live in his pain...let him live in reality. Then we will see what kind of man he is.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I get an email today about a stupid fanny pack that I took by mistake. Why contact me if he wants his life?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">See my post above. You know the answer.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Why keep calling to remind me or ask me about DS's things when I am a capable and responsible parent. It's making me nuts because I feel like I have to question myself over and over...</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Again, Kily...you know the answer. You are hurting him. He wants it to stop. the only way to do that is for you to just let him cake eat. But, that leaves you in pain. Now, going into Plan B, you are getting stronger and the pain is subsiding. His pain is increasing though. So, let it!!! I think this is GREAT news! You are getting stronger and very capable now of a life without your Ex. He is at a crossroads. And he doesnt like it. Oh well...I do not feel sorry for him.

Yes, you cheated on him...and he has every right to move on. But, it is time for him to move on. Or to get his life with you back. He no longer gets both, no matter what you did to him or he thinks he deserves.

In His arms.

MM-

Thanks. What you've said helps me tremendously. It validates my fears pain and frustrations.

I will never know what X really feels. It;s nice to know that what I feel is grounded and real.

All-

I just spoke to my lawyer. Apparently X is dropping the custody suit. This is the first that I'm hearing of it and I'm simply shocked!

I don't know what to think or feel at this moment. I'm not happy. I'm not sad, I simply don't feel anything.

Kily,

This is at the very least, good news for you and your son. It means that you two will be together, no matter the situation with the ex.

On the future with him, that remains a mystery. it still goes to what was stated above. Either you are getting your life back, and this is just one step towards that. Or, something else might happen in his life.

In the meantime, relax and enjoy that the pressure of a custody battle is over. One less weight on your shoulders. Keep moving forward.

In His arms.

MM-

I know, I just find it hard to swallow that he gave up "just like that". This man is so stubborn that he started this custody thing in the first place.

After hearing so many times how I abandoned my kids and what an evil person I was, I'm literally shaking because he simply let it go. I find it really hard to swallow that he hates me so much that he simply gave up his son to be rid of me.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful beyond words, but there's a lot of stuff attached to this action. I see it as he let go of the tug of war rope. I guess some small part of me wanted ti believe that there was some small chance. I don't believe that there is anymore.

I bet he settles the house now without contest. My lawyer told me that we are really close to a settlement. She wants me to itemize what is mine because he complained to his lawyer that I took things that weren't mine. In truth, I grabbed a leather fanny pack that I thought was mine. It was his and I told him that I would return it tomorrow.

I'm supposed to go to DS's class party tonight. X will be there. I don't want to go anymore. I want to ask him why he backed down but he doesn't even wish to talk anymore.

It's so confusing.

Kily

I have skimmed this thread - my life seems to have been taken over by my new contract - I had to work yesterday, get a new suit, chores etc. More work today then I have to drive 3 hours to be ready for my session tomorrow.

Anyway, sorry about the Lisa whinge, but I wanted to let you know I have skimmed your thread trying to catch up.

Firstly I am so pleased that you and DS will not have to go through the pain of a custoday battle. I do not think it would be in X's best interests to fight for that, and in most countries, inevitably custody goes with the mother (unless of course there are extreme situations). It does not surprise me that you feel as you do - it's good not to feel either way, but I see it as a blessing.

Back to your original story - well, I think we do the best we can given the circumstances. Sometimes we do the right things, sometimes we don't. You realised clearly where you went wrong and held your hands up. X shoud have called your cell to find out where you were if he really wanted to see his son, or to let you know that he would be coming. He should take responsiblity for his actions too.

Kily, you were trying to do a Plan B of sorts, and perhaps this is really where you should be because these interactions are painful for you and start you questioning and analysing every last thing. Sometimes, it's just not worth it.

Take care Kily - I won't be around all week, so if you don't hear from me that's why, but I'll be thinking of you.

Lisa

I first saw the title to this post yesterday... and didn't read it until now. I felt such huge relief for you, reading that your X is no longer contesting custody to you. That's great news!!! Your son will benefit the most from that.

I'm reading a book about separation and divorce (before, during, and after), and it's focus is on the kids. How are they affected? What can we look out for? And right now, I'm reading about different types of custody, and how they can affect different children.

One of the points made in this book that struck me the most, was it saying that sole custody is usually better for the child, b/c it allows for more continuity in their lives. The same neighbourhood, the same school, the same friends, the same activities, the same home to come home to, etc.

And as far as visitation with the non-custodial parent.. the actual amount of time is irrelevant. It's that whole "quality vs. quantity" thing.

And now that your X has withdrawn his application for custody... well... it's just awesome all around. The stress levels are dropping... and that's going to make things so much easier for your son.

Continue keeping your son as your focus right now. He is who really matters. Your X is a grown up <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , and can take care of himself. You've done your time, and you need to move on. You're READY to move on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

p.s. I agree in that it was your H's fault that he missed out on spending time with your son for his birthday. (Eric's b-day was on May 29... he's now 4. And my friend who was expecting twin girls... they were born on the 28th! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ).

Topie!!!

Glad to hear from you.

Thanks, do you have a title of that book? I just completed a court ordered parenting class and learned quite a bit. I want to do everything I can to make DS's life a healthy and happy one.

I am feeling much better about things now. I guess it was shock more than anything. Also it was the release from having the rope just disappear after struggling against the other side for so long.

I never would have predicted that he would simply give up. It doesn't go with his previous actions. My family was completely shocked as well. They thought for sure that this would end in a bloody to the death battle....

Yes, I'm ready to move on. There is still a hole in my life, but as they say, you DO learn to work around it. I just wonder if the void will ever be completely gone.

I'm still not trusting thos 100% until I receive the award from the court, though. I just don't want to get my hopes up only to have them dashed at the last minute. The paperwork will be filed tomorrow.

I think the hardest thing for me was knowing in my heart that this could have ended so differently. I realized that I can't make anyone see what the don't want to. I can only see it and take the knowledge I've gained with me.

Ds and I will are already happy. He just has some healing and adjusting to do now. We walked to his "new" school over the weekend and played on the playground a while.

I told him that he had a choice to go to either school, and asked him where he wanted to go. He's very excited about the new school, but I dont think he realizes that dad will not be there every other night like he is now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'll get through it and so will he. I only hope that dad doesn't completely fade away in the future. I very much want them to be close. They still deserve to be together. I just have a more stable situation for DS.

Again thanks.

The title of the book is:

"What About the Kids: Raising Your Children Before, During and After Divorce"

By: Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee

So far, so good. I'm very much enjoying reading the book. Right now, I've started on the final 1/3 on the "after divorce" section. It's talking about how the effects take YEARS sometimes, to come out. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Again... at least we can read this stuff, and help to prepare ourselves for the future.

Karen

Kily,
Sounds like you are doing well, all things considered. My take on X picking fights and maintaining contact is that it is a control issue. He has always had control over you, and when you were in Plan A he had control over you. Now that you are truly moving on he feels that control slipping and he doesn't know how to deal with it.

As far as him dropping the custody suit, that's great. But, I would be extremely cautious. I don't know him so I can't say, but it just sounds a little fishy to me.

Keep your chin up, good luck and God Bless.

TM-

Great to hear from you!!!

Yes, I've been bitten before so now I trust nothing until I see it in writing.

This weekend was pretty interesting because we had to be together for DS's activities. Instead of worrying about what X thought and felt, I just enjoyed playing with my son.

Funny, but for the first time I noticed that I was really having the time of my life, enjoying life through a child's eyes. When I happened to glance in X's direction, it was a completely different picture.

What I saw hit home because I recognized the look. He was sitting alone, on a picnic table, looking down at his feet. His expression was complete tension and frustration. I recognized that look and mannerism in an instant because it is exactly what I went through when I was running from him to my OM. I remember how sad I was because I was so cut off from them (DS,OS, and X) due to my choices. Now, he is feeling that, I think. Obviously I don't know for sure...

Anyway, it brought me to a new awareness about myself. I was able to see in that moment, just how far I've come. I can now enjoy my son's laughter. I can enjoy the sunlight. I'm no longer desiring to sleep my life away....my depression has truly been beaten. I'm whole.

I also had some deep thoughts about my spirituality and how it has grown throughout this whole thing. I've read and heard many times that when you get a calling from God, generally you can't ignore it. No matter how hard you try to fight it, He has a way of reaching you anyway. Well, I was thinking that God had been calling me in the depths of my depression. When I fought what He wanted, my life was turned upside down. The end result was eventually the same...there's no doubt in my mind about that. If I had listened to Him then, maybe the pain would have been less for all of us involved. Regardless, he did call to me and every day I am grateful that I "Got" the message.

All for now.

I know what you mean about expanding your spirituality. I've been feeling lost and hopeless lately, despite recent turn of events. But, Sunday while I was sitting in church I felt so much at peace, and happy. I haven't felt like that lately, and unfortunately I don't now. But, I know He's watching out for me, and He will take care of me through this.