Since d-day I have talked with most of my family and extended family to let them know what is going on with us ("A happened, we are working on ou M...") My WH has told his Dad. He hasn't told his Mom (they are D).

I've asked him to tell her what is happening, she lives in another state. I think he is afraid of what she will say to him. She has a great amount of influence over his life.

We have been in recovery, N/C since March, but after the first few weeks WH stopped working. Started devoting most of his "off" time to independent projects. Not read any books, or researched, no more calls, letters, emails, seems bugged that I want to talk. Looking for excuses not to do things with the family. Has been down lately, sick, and sleeps alot. He is on Anti-d, but not convinced they work (I am, you should see him without them). Has considered going to the Dr. to talk about changing prescription. After a blow-up last night I have asked him to move out. He doesn't seem too distraught about the prospect and just wanted to go to sleep.

I hate that he has been acting as though everything is great with his Mom, and even making plans for all of us to camp together this Summer. I would like to send her an email and explain some of what's going on...what do you think?

I can't post a lot right now, but I do think it would be a big love buster to your whusband to do this. Also a scar on your relationship with mil, and the whole family unit.

My advise is DO NOT TELL, you will probably be sorry you did later. Let your h handle what his mom knows, not you.

Hugs, Honey <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thank you Honey for the fast reply. I guess I'm in an "I don't care" attitude and LB or not, I want to hurt my WH back for not caring.

Thanks for helping me see a little further down the road.

You might tell his mom that he is VERY depressed. That he is on medication, but you are worried about him. If she asks if there is anything particular going on, you can honestly say "Yes, but H asked me not to reveal to you what it is exactly. I think he could use your support and love." Maybe she can help him. No LB there, but Mom gets a clue.

Just a suggestion.

Pep

I told everyone, so I can say that it was a big mistake.... b/c a lot of people are hurt, etc. I know the wanting to tell.... just hindsight is 20/20.

I think the higher road is to say nothing. Maybe do something... and say nothing.... like let mil see how he is by visiting, invite her down? with his agreement that is...?

I personally would not like the fact that I am depressed or on medication shared with my parents by a spouse... sorry Pep..... although it might be well meaning... I would not want it shared. My parents are not the type I discuss it all with.... usually when I do, I get disrespectful judgements, etc. from my parents.... or when they know too much, I get too much unwanted concern, etc.

I kind of like to keep my realtionship with my parents on my own terms, and do not like my spouse to interfere...

Anyway, sorry if I went off on that one.

I guess I have strong feelings on that subject.

Hugs again, Honey

We disagree Honey ... and do so with respect!

Thanks Honey.

Pep

It's 11 P.M. here now.

I asked FWH? to move out last night and he is gone tonight. Don't know where he went.

He was pretty calm about leaving. Packed up ALL his clothes and left tonight. Moved his truck AND his car.

He took the checkbook and not sure what he's going to do. I asked, but he didn't say.
I guess I don't have a right to know. It's his life.

You have a right to know where your checkbook is and where "it's" going!

Do you have separate money for yourself?

Pep

Funny thing is, we're living on my income now (by choice) so I guess I'm in a good position financially. He could get nasty if he wanted to (and may).

He came home this morning to watch the kids (he's staying home with the kids). He's pretty much not talking to me. I asked him to pick a time that we can talk about everything, work out a plan, he said tonight. We picked 8.

I don't know how it's going to go. His habit is to agree to things he doesn't really want to agree to, and then just do what he wants afterwards...real dishonest person. And my habit is to bully my way and get what I want.

We had been working together fairly well after d-day...maybe we can return to that.

I've not been telling my family what is going on THIS time. We'll see how the dust settles.