I've just decided to go to plan B after finding out WW has spent the last 3 days with OM after lying to me, my mother, and my D about her plans. She went out of her way to lie to us, to make up a ridiculous bogus story she thought we would believe. D is devistated that her mom keeps lying about the OM and her whereabouts. I am devistated emotionally being lied to and being treated like dirt. Here is my first draft:

Dear wife

I am truly sorry that our relationship has come to the point where I must ask you to leave the home. Your continued relationship with OM has prevented us from moving forward in any positive way to reconcile our relationship. It is causing me great pain and suffering to know that you are with him and I need separation from that now.

Please know that I take full responsibility for my failures in our relationship and will continue to learn and grow and make it possible for us to create an atmosphere where we can meet each other’s emotional needs and have a fulfilling relationship.

For now, as long as you are seeing OM, please do not contact me unless it concerns our children. Please move out of our home until such time you are willing to work on our marriage. I would prefer you not come to the shop and conduct your business by phone or through ______.

I am not in any way interested in throwing away 24 years of marriage. I love you and always will.

Me
------------------------------------------------
Me BS 51
WS 47
married 24 years
D-Day #1 1980
D-Day #2 1981
D-Day #3 1987
D-Day #4 April 2003

This might not go over too well with a lot of MBers but then I am the intolerant type when it comes to A's. I tend to think that a good "shake 'em up" Plan B letter should include a little P.S. that goes something like this.

"I feel that it is in my best interest and that of our children that I consult with an attorney at this point to discuss the status of the marriage and the legal ramifications of the separation. This in no way implies that I am filing for divorce. I highly suggest you do the same."

In other words...have your physical and emotional fun but understand ALL the consequences.

jmho
ba109

<small>[ June 01, 2003, 06:58 PM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>

ba109

Our kids are 22 and 20 so they are pretty much on their own. We have a business that is unbelievably co-mingled between us that it would be a legal nightmare to separate it now. I figure if she wants to do that, she can hire a lawyer and pay for it. She also knows that if she trys to hurt me or take the business it would fail immediately so she is in a tough spot. She has a significant financial interest in the business but is acting so irresponsibly that she could take quite a hit. I'm dumbstruck by it.

I wish I knew if she was really understanding the consequences of her physical and emotional fun. She's getting in pretty deep. She won't even discuss why she lies and what she is doing with her own kids because she thinks it is none of their business. That these are problems between her and me. She says that she will only answer questions from the kids to help them cope with the situation. My D is now so hurt she doesn't even want to work with her mom.

Joquin1

The post script was intended to be generic in nature. I personally feel that it should be part of a plan B letter.

Your kids are past the age of majority therefore there will not be support issues to contend with, however the marriage itself implies property and income dispersement and then of course there is the business. Will she simply walk away from her involvement in that? Not without taking her share is my guess.

The point is that as much as we may Love the WS and vow to change for the better, with or without them around to see it,...bottom line is that we have to look out for ourselves from a legal aspect and protect our well being. We can't allow the WS to take us down with them.

We also don't want to allow the WS to make a financial shambles out of the marriage leaving hopes for reconciliation even dimmer. If the WS has left a wake of disaster only for you to pick up the pieces, she may not be so inclined to want to come back to help clean up the mess. It is easier for many WS to run from failure.

jmho
ba109

<small>[ June 01, 2003, 08:06 PM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>

We also don't want to allow the WS to make a financial shambles out of the marriage leaving hopes for reconciliation even dimmer. If the WS has left a wake of disaster only for you to pick up the pieces, she may not be so inclined to want to come back to help clean up the mess. It is easier for many WS to run from failure.

I think I've come to the point where I can't work with her anymore. I run the business and I feel like firing her for non-performance. I can make some significant changes and give her the freedom she so desperately seeks at the same time.