thanks for all the advice. plan b would obviously involve separation but this was her idea before and after d day although she hasn't suggested it recently. plan b still sounds like giving her more cake to me. she suggested at one time that i should move out and them we could start dating and she would promise not to see om. she would be rid of me in the house but still have me financially and around for the odd social event were a spouse was required. i can't stand the thought of being used anymore. nobody locally knows she still sees om. i go to work putting on brave face and everyone thinks we're fine.
i think the only thing that would convince her i had had enought would be a lawyers letter for divorce or seperation but i have been afraid to do this for killing my last chance. she still dangles me on an ever lenghtening piece of string whilst telling me that it is up to me to break it.
big row last night she came in to my room to talk which i took as meaning that i had frightened her with threat to divorce but denied that. but instead of giving some reason not to do it she teased me (i hope it was teasing) by suggesting that she had begun an A with another man!!! and then insisted that she was going away next weekt to see a girlfriend. i asked her to put the trip off for the sake of our son who is sitting major exams at present but she refused saying that she had to get away same story for last year trust me but i have to go away. i tell her i have no reason to trust her. then we get back to the usual questions as to why had i teated her so badly for years which i admit is true ( i never had an A though). she doesn't seem to realise that i can't try at this marriage whilst she is having an A but i give up on this point she refuses to get it. i'll have to see a lowyer i have no choice.
sorry to go on i am just venting this morning i know i am only stuck because i choose to be was listening to U2's "stuck in a moment" and "with or without you" last night some songs get better when you are listening to them in hell.

Nobody said that Plan B is not risky, even the good doctor Harley has said that a separation can turn into a permanent one. But with Plan B you stop fulfilling ALL of her EN's and let her OM take over in that department. It gives her a taste of what reality will be like if the two of you get divorced, and in my book that is definetely NOT letting her have her cake.

Cerri (our MB coach) has wisely said that the problem with staying in Plan A for too long is the danger of the BS losing all love for the WS and head straight towards divorce, even if the WS comes out of his/her fog and expresses a true desire for rebuilding the marriage. I sometimes wonder if people who have an aversion in implementing Plan B, like you, are subconciously wanting for this outcome to happen.

<small>[ June 04, 2003, 07:29 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> plan b still sounds like giving her more cake to me </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No, Plan B involves you giving her no more of the cake she is getting from you. If the OM can give her enough nourishment to keep her happy, so be it. That does not happen very often, but it does happen.

Just to make sure you knew...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">she suggested at one time that i should move out and them we could start dating and she would promise not to see om. she would be rid of me in the house but still have me financially and around for the odd social event were a spouse was required. i can't stand the thought of being used anymore. nobody locally knows she still sees om. i go to work putting on brave face and everyone thinks we're fine.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">..is not plan B. That's plan cake-serving or something or a Plan A gone bad.

And you don't need a separation agreement or divorce filing to do Plan B.

Consider Plan B a reasonable alternative to the extremes of further abuse and filing for divorce.