How long do these affairs usually last??? My H left on March 7 and moved in with OW on March 9 - he says March 23. Big wow! It has almost been three months and it is killing me.

I have tried plan A and started Plan B when the pain of seeing him was too much - that lasted about a month. I was hard because we have a 14 month old little girl. She misses him so much. They have a special bond. But I do not trust him to not have the OW around her so I have him come to see her at our house.

Last weekend he told me that he was "In Love" with her. I couldn't believe it. He said that we could talk about our relationship but that it didn't change anything - he was in love with someone else now. And that inevitablly our daughter would be part of their lives. I was crushed.

I heard through the grapevine that - the OW is buying them a house this week. (He cannot afford to help her will all his bills and childsupport). I can't believe that they are trying to build a life together as if I and our child never existed. We were together for 7 years and they act as if we were nothing.

I want to move away and not deal with any of this anymore. It hurts too much. But if I do will the plans work??? Any help would be appreciated.

<small>[ June 03, 2003, 03:37 PM: Message edited by: cnf ]</small>

CNF,

It lasts as long as you want it to. Me.. nearly 4 years and 4 months. Affairs, although have an average lasting of no more than 3 years.

At your original post, edit your topic name by clicking on the paper and pencil icon. Change it to something like URGENT HELP NEEDED. You need help from the Veterans here.

Read up on the Marriage Builder's Concepts. Your husband is a a FOG, not "IN LOVE" with the OW.

Stay tuned for assistance from others here.

Take Care.

Thank you for the reply and mimi for the advice on getting more responses! I appreciate it! I hope the fog lifts soon....

according to Harley, the average is less than 18 months, and more than 2 years is relatively rare. You will find exceptions to that on these boards, including my wife's. People who are controlling have affairs that tend to end quicker. Pleasers affairs last longer.

I think the OW is a pleaser and H is a pleaser also. OW spends alot of money on him and I think he confuses that with love. H and I were together 7 years and the OW just left a relationship of 7 years also. Alot of unfinished business on both parts I think. I just don't see how it can work. I know I would be leary of the other person. Thinking that they would do the same to me.

Still looking for more input!?!?!?

bump

Two pleasers together have the longest affairs. They can last years and years, since neither wants to hurt the other by ending it, and neither wants to hurt their spouse by exposing it.

What about when the Pleaser's spouse finds out? Then is there a need to Please the BS?

I think my WS got tired of trying to PLEASE me and now is into CONTROLLING the OW who is giving the impression of being a PLEASER although I really think she is CONTROLLING him this way. Does this make sense????