Thank you for your insites. It has helped me tremendously. 100% of you have said yes, and this comes from people with experiance (unfortunatly, and I am truly sorry for us all) and people that have researched this subject and given it much thought (again something none of asked for).
I will tell the OM's wife in 6 to 8 weeks from now. I have made an edited tape with 7 minutes (out of 3.3.hours) worth of clips to show that I am not some psycho and she can then decide if she wants to hear more or not. I never had any intention of hearing any of it again as it brings back pain, but I had to to make the tape for her. I made a CD in MP3 as it is long and sent it to a close trusted friend that lives in another city just in case. I do not really know this guy and my W admits she does not really know him either. The president of the company that he used to work for has psychological profiles done on his employees, and he told my W that he was unstable according to the last one done so who really knows. We have all heard of the term "going postal". I must admit that I do not really believe he will go nuts, but why take a chance. And if he does show up at my door, well bonus for me, I did not go looking for it. This is something I really wanted, but I must say that I really no longer feel the need to "get even". I kinda feel sorry for the OM now. I think much of that comes from the readings of this site. I never did blame him or my wife for their feelings, just the actions. It hurt and I hated the fact that she developed feelings for him, but it is hard to control how you feel. The lies and actions are another story. I still have some work to do in that department.
I feel as you all do, that she has the right to make an informed choice and I am the holder of that key. Also I believe in the principles of Dr. Harley which professes honesty as the only way to really make a mariage work. I truly hope that they can make their M work, and that the wife and child will be happy.
In referance to the STD's. I made a statement in an earlier post that it was suspected that he may have had another previous office affair. This was admittedly derived from very thin evidence. I do not think that he jumped into bed with any woman he could. Possible, but I really do not think so. I have been in sales for 15 years and have seen much and am very aware of what goes on out there. Where there is money and power, there is oppurtunity. For some reason I do not see him as a "player" for lack of a better word. Therefore the STD issue is not much of a concern for me. In any case, we are both getting check-ups, not for this reason, so this will be taken care of by default. Oh, and as for my W, she is not a "player" and outside of the office, she quite simply has no oppurtunity, as we are always together.
Also, it is possible that he did tell her everything. So if that is the case, all I will be in confirming this to her. She will not have to think that there was more then there was.
I am certain that this is the right thing to do and that I am doing it for the right reasons. The OM's wife may hate me for it, but I will know that telling her was the right thing to do.
As for me and my wife. We will get through it. She does not want me to talk to her for numerous reasons, but I will. This will be a cloud over us and it may ignite some things in me which will of course affect my W, but.... Maybe this will be an lb for us, but we will have enough in the bank to get us through it. This weekend we are going camping together. The weather does not look like it will be good, but we will just be together and that is enough. She wants that and I want that, so in spite of it all, we are lucky.
Thank you all again. I truly and sincerly hope you all find inner peace and happiness in these tough times.
Kindest wishes,
Bill
