Hi Hopeful,
It is good you spoke calmly and directly to your H. Men in general like the openness and honesty thing, even if they can recieve it better than they can give it . Now what??
IMHO you are doing good, some one told me to let go and let God show us the way. You now have you to think of, I know you have been. Let H see you are moving on, with him is nice, without him is ok, but you are moving on....growing, changing, learning about better relationships....learning about you and who you are because you are the only person you can change.
Be glad you are separated. What?? Yes, for me, I stayed in the house after we both knew I knew about the A. I tried not to show depression, but it leaked through anyway. I work nites, in the afternoons I would be busy taking care of house and busy getting ready for work (I teach) WW would be watching TV, not working on the clutter around the house or doing anything to show she cared to be there. In fact it became obvious at times she was just wainting for me to leave so she could leave.....
In short, I watched her have her A. I was doing a Plan A, it was working, but trying to do anythging to stop the A was a definate LB. So I planned my departure, then left to Plan B. But staying on and KNOWING she was having a secret life really wore me down, to a point she could see it, and that only depressed her, depressed her into OM's arms for support, and convinced her I was not worth staying with...
from this point of view, be glad your H is gone and you don't have to watch. Your new thread about the hickies proves this......
When you read SAA you may find the book His Needs, Her Needs will also be helpful. Also, can you talk with Dr Harley or Jennifer? They can help you to understand the concepts in the books.
Many folks here have experiences that can help, I sorry you are here, but I tend to feel this door is put here for those who want to come out the other side of all of the A Stuff a stronger person.....you seem to have already started YOUR journey, its nice to know you know you don't ,and won't, be traveling alone....
Take care DRS
