husband,
Wow! That was a lot of reading. Since you asked, for what it is worth I will add my 2 cents worth.
1. I don't have a custodial agreement in place.
You REALLY need to. As there are no papers in place she could swoop in at any time and take the boys. You should file for custody ASAP - IF FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN TO PROTECT THEIR INTERESTS.
8. The boys are in a good school, are comfortable where we live finally and have lots of good friends; a relocation even on a TDY is a long time for a 10 and 8 year old.
Take and keep the local job to maintain the boys stability.
9. I thought of hiring a nanny to watch them between my shifts in Colorado, and fly back and forth on my days off, to be with them.
No on can love them like you do.
Have you made the job decision yet?
I know you don't want a custody agreement, but really you should consider it. You also should at least file a Separation agreement right away. Currently there is nothing in place to keep her from picking up the boys and moving them ro whereever.
Is the 2-year-old the child of the OM? Does he pay support? I do not agree that he should not be able to see OC. However, if you 2 ever reconcile I think a visitation schedule should be in place w/ a neutral/3rd party pick-up/drop-off.
I read all of your W's posts (even the old one) except for the one she deleted. Are you sure she is not still in EMR w/ OM? It really just does not seem natural that a mother would willingly stay apart from her children for so long.
SHE should be the one providing transportation.
In a post of yours from April you stated you wanted W to come here to MB and post. Yet, she hasn't - not really. It seems as if she wants to see the boys, but is not too anxious to return home for YOU.
You stated you are lonely and tired of being alone. It is only natural that you want someone to share your world with. Recovering after an EMR is difficult in any relationship, it seems the geographical distance between you 2 further alienates the two of you.
If you are truly not keeping the boys from her and allow her access, it is my opinion that she is not even following through in her role as a Mother. That being the case I think it is highly unlikely she will rededicate herself to being your W.
Just because I was an OW, does not mean I am anti-marriage. I also know anything is possible. However, it takes 2. From your W's own post she is not ready to resume acting like the W. I think your answer is in front of you. Doesn't want to make love w/ you. Perhaps you are just not ready to face it.
Have you talked at all w/ SH? Just curious.
What do you mean your W filed for D on-line? I think she is bluffing. PLEASE at least file for a temp custody agreement. You can file this yourself w/out an attorney and it is legal.
I will be checking in before I go to work tonight. tew
