I've been friends with this guy for about 7 months now, and it is obvious the amazing chemistry we have. He is so awesome <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> in almost every way, but i have one small problem. I'm don't think he's a Christian... He has a good upbringing in the baptist church, and openly talks with me about the Lord, etc. But I just don't know how to go about finding this out, or helping and witnessing to him without sounding preachy. The reason this is so important is because we are both very interested in each other, and we know this can be a long relationship, if not forever. I'm just concerned because I don't wanna fall for someone that I won't be able to share eternity with in heaven...ya know? Help! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Someone help show me what I can do, and I am praying...maybe that is the only thing I can do... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

If you are 'really' interested in each other, you need to read up on the radical honesty. Usually for 'married' persons but you can learn what this means.

Why can't you ask him?

L.

Why makes you suspect he is not a Christian? You gave a couple of reasons why he would/should be (he was raised in the Church and he talks with you about the Lord), but no reason why you suspect he is not. What, specifically, would make him not a Christian to you (just asking, this is different between different Protestant churches).

Do you guys go to church together?

If not, invite him to go with you. If he balks, you have some info. If he seems glad to go with you and gives signs that it is important to you, then you can judge a lot from that.

-AD

<small>[ September 25, 2003, 06:25 PM: Message edited by: AD. ]</small>

it is true, i don't know what is between him and the Lord, but most christians can just tell when they are around others. I hate to say this...but I have a feeling, like all sweet southern guys who grew up on the bible belt, if i ask him he'll say "of course!" Which doesn't necessarily mean he is. I mean, he doesn't really live like a christian most of the time, i mean he is "nice" and all that, but i don't think him and GOD are as close...if ya know what I mean. I know that GOD isn't number one in his life...number one for him is probably his family...which is still a good number one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> but at any rate. He wants me to move in with him at some point too...I just don't know...I feel like he isn't far from it, but i can just tell in my heart that the Holy Spirit isn't in him yet. But man, GOD would LOVE to have this guy on his side...he's so awesome in so many ways.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <--sorry i guess i'm a lil infatuated..hehe

I'm a pretty good example most of the time, but as far as it goes with CHURCH...i don't go right now. I've only lived here for a lil over a year, but besides him and one girl i work with I don't really know anyone, and there is no excuse, but I haven't gone to find a church yet. I thought of that though, seeing if he'd go to church. I asked him last night where he went to church when he was a kid because i really wanted to start going again and was wondering if he knew any good churches. Then I asked him if I started going, would he go with me, and he said "sure, I'd go sometimes" Sometimes?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> i guess it is better than "NO WAY!"

You've gotten some good responses here. I'm glad you're listening to your own soul, though, which is why you brought up the question in the first place.

Why not ask him to pray with you (out loud, together) about something - finding a church, or for a sick relative, etc.? Even people who attend church may go out of habit and not a personal relationship with God. But when you pray with someone, it's a great way to get to know them too.

Of course, that may be a little "too much" for him, if your friendship is not THAT developed. But it's just a thought <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Man, that almost makes me wanna cry... That is like one of my dreams, I'd LOVE to sit and pray with him... I really would, but ya know, you gave me an idea, next time we go out to eat or somethin, we can pray before our meal maybe, I can pray the first time, and then next time tell him it's his turn. Thanks for the great idea!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well, last night him and I were talking and he asked if i wanted to start dating... Should i wait it out longer? or go for it?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lovesong7:
<strong>Well, last night him and I were talking and he asked if i wanted to start dating... Should i wait it out longer? or go for it?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, LS, HERE's your opening!!

Tell him you only date committed, Christian men, cause after all, WHAT IS THE POINT OF DATING if not to see if this leads to a union in marriage....and you want YOURS to be blessed of the Lord.

Of course, you'd have to make sure he understands that YOU understand you're NOT talking about marriage next month, or anything!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> but only that any dating partner is a potential husband, and your standards are pretty high.

Then, keep 'em high, honey. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

It'll be worth it later in life. Trust me.

God Bless,

lovesong,

Why not begin your relationship with the Policy of Radical Honesty and TELL him what's holding you back. Tell him how attracted you are to him, but reveal the depth of your love for God and your wish to have your husband join you in eternity. If he doesn't want the same thing, then perhaps you should wait for the right man for you.

Hi there -

I think you've gotten some really good advice here - but you sound a bit confused in yourself to me. What I'm hearing you say is that you are a Christian, and that for you being a Christian means having a personal relationship with God, not just going through the motions of going to church. I couldn't agree with you more. And you like this guy, but you're not sure he's on the same wave-length as you. You like him a lot, but you're afraid that if you start dating him, you will end up getting a lot more involved, both emotionally and physically, than you want to...with someone who doesn't have a personal relationship with the Lord. It also sounds to me like you are a little insecure about your own values, still working things out for yourself... I say that because of this statement you made earlier...

He wants me to move in with him at some point too...

I'm trying to help out here, so please don't get me wrong...you really like this guy, and there's nothing wrong with dating him...you are free to date anyone you like...its the only way to get to know someone better and find out whether or not you click on a level which is other than just physical attraction. I would say that any guy is going to baulk at dating you if you register to him that you are shopping for a marriage partner. Its OK to let him know that you hope to get married someday if you find the right guy, but that it takes time to find out whether you've found the right guy.

But what I'm getting at is that you need to be more sure about what YOU believe, and how YOU want to live your life, before you start worrying too much about how he fits in with this. If you are a Christian, you need a church...you really need a community of believers to help keep you true to your faith...you can't be a Christian in isolation. So start looking around and find a church - you don't need him to go with you. Go on your own and find the right one for you. If this guy is right for you, he will be agreeable with what you feel is right for you. If he is wrong for you, he will baulk at what is right for you. Pray on your own for guidance in finding the right church, and you will be led. Make prayer a part of your life - get yourself one of those daily Scripture reading booklets - I use BibleAlive, but there are others, and read it in the morning, it helps keep your head clear. If you are a Christian, why are you even considering the possibility of moving in with someone you are not married to - this is the most sure-fire way to yoke yourself to someone who is wrong for you in a way that is so painful to correct, once you realize you are wrong for each other. I know, because I've done it.

Strengthen your own faith, and you will be led by your faith to find the right guy, and the right way for your life. Maybe this guy is the one, maybe he is not. Be sure about yourself and the rest will follow. Whatever you do, take TIME to get to know someone before you start leaping to conclusions.

Hope this is helpful.

LIR

WOW!! Thank you all so much.....you have no idea how this helps, and you all are answers to my prayers! I do pray constantly, and I'm also involved with a daily devotional. It is an "Experiencing GOD" daily devotional. It changed my life when I got it last Aug. and now I couldn't live without it. I highly recommend it. But yes, i need a church too...I do know that. I also think you're right about figuring out where I stand. I've never really dated, there are reasons around it, but I'm gettin to the point that I'm ready to share my life with someone, (no marriage, just a companion) and I'm just new at the whole thing. So in a way, maybe I'm just a little caught up in the whole feeling of all the chemistry etc.... I guess that is my fault. All I can do right now is pray, and I thank all of you angels for helping me out!!! You're all awesome! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />