I need to know somehow, is it control by hou WH to see that you car isn't in the driveway after being out with some friends last night then we went for breakfast and my H calling and the house saying he knew where I was and who I was with. Saying I have sexual relations wiht every and acussing me of not coming home.

Goldie, what difference would it make WHAT you call it?

It probably is considering how many WS's don't want the BS to do what they did. You may want to calmly ask him 'Why do you care?'

<small>[ June 08, 2003, 10:59 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

I am so sick and tired for him calling when I go out anywhere accusing me of being a pig when he is the one that is living with another woman that always had a boyfriend that was married with problems. And then he says how great she is when she is no better than the guy I was with. Why does he keep on doing this to me?

It's emotional manipulation. He thrives on making you feel guilty and bad.

My H has spent the past few weekends camping with one of his female friends (and refuses to fess up about it, even though I have first hand witness testimony), and yet when I don't respond to his calls or I'm not home, I "must be out with a boyfriend"? Ha ha ha, no, not a chance.

You're right, it's all about control and making you feel bad. I think they do it to make themselves feel a bit better about their own inappropriate behaviour, by focussing on what we did wrong ages ago and implying we must still be doing it (are they hoping we are or something?).

They (your H and mine) are only successful at laying on the guilt and manipulating us emotionally if we let them be. It's worked before, so they keep on trying it. People treat us the way we let them treat us (Dr. Phil-ism).

Don't concern yourself with what he thinks. You know he is not being rational, and most certainly isn't acting out of love for you. Focus on you and your life without him.

Jen

<small>[ June 09, 2003, 01:44 AM: Message edited by: Jen Brown ]</small>

So what is he acting out on, does he still care or what? Yea I did have a couple dates, but I go out with them as friends and I make it a point to tell them that. I am not ready for a relationship, but it is good just to go out with a friend. Jen boy do we have alot in common.

Yes, I do think we have a lot in common, that's why I feel so compelled to post to you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> However, I don't have kids, so I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is to go through this in your shoes. I would venture to guess that part of you wishes their father would come home, and that's why you keep responding to him, even when you know it probably won't do much good considering the foggy state he's in.

"So what is he acting out on, does he still care or what?" I figure it's some odd combination of part of them still does care, and part of them still wants to feel a sense of control over us, because they're so used to it, they don't want to let go.

Oh yeah, and I almost think that they may feel they're entitled to treat us this way, since we cheated on them first, it's like a sick way of exacting their revenge.

Jen

Actually he cheated on me for the 1st 5 years we were married and drank alot, then went into rehab and quit for 6 1/2 years. No he not only blames me for the gf but he also blames me because he drinks again.

As for the kids they have their bad days but they look at it as him leaving, not me.

I told my husband I stayed you didn't, I know I want my family and he doesn't, he choses his gf over us. I told him if I really wanted to be with the om, I would have a long time ago, but I didn't want to.

My H really is going down hill, he gained weight, hasn't had a haircut since he left the 2nd time, and he told me at one time he was getting chest pains. For me I honestly feel like I am getting my self esteem I haven't had in years back. I can actually be my goofy self and not act my age and not get yelled at by him.

I think I am finally giving up hope and I made an appt with my lawyer to file for divorce. Am I making the right decision. I don't think we can ever go back after all this.