I know this is bad, but yesterday my H called me and was asking where I was and who I was with when I was out the night before. I then met my H and he parked his truck and we went back to the house. I said why should he care where or with whom I was with when he has been living with a gf. He blames me because of an A I had almost 2 years ago so he said that is why he has his gf and she it the greatest. I gave in to him then and had sex with him. He stayed at the house for 4 hours.
Well tonight he called me and he started that his mother called and left a message if he wanted to see the kids (his family and our kids and me were at a graduation party)she would ask me to leave so he can come see the kids. He wanted to know why his mother would call like that and he wanted me to call her and ask her and I was a little upset that she can do that. I called and she said no she never called and left a message and she doesn't even know a phone # to call. Then his gf got on and she started saying what did you leave the kids at the party or something and I said no we were having a good time, well she got me so mad <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I told her about yesterday and him being here and what happened. Well of course she did not belive me and he was calling me the liar and I said I have the phone # and the times he called me. So she said good then bring it up my house and show it to me. She kept on calling for me to bring it so I did. I kind of figured it was a set up and I was right. When I pulled down the street before her house she called to ask where I was and I pulled over and said I was almost there. Well while I was pulled over a cop pulled behing me and turned on his lights. Me a basket case explained to him and showed him the caller ID and he said she called and told them that I was coming up there to beat her up and she was my ex husbands girlfriend. We aren't divorced at all, neither of us filed yet. Then another cop came and asked me what was going on between my H and I and I explained. He said right now the ball is in my court with our kids and if I don't want him to see them I have a say. After being married to my H for 14 years how can he even do this to me and let this girl do this. I guess I know who he hates and doesn't hate now. This really woke me up.

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Holy cow, your H stoops to a new low. This should officially destroy any shred of trust you had left for him.

I take it you may finally be ready to set a couple of new and wise boundaries for yourself? My suggestions would be:

1. No more sex with H.
2. No more letting H into house.
3. No more talking to OW at all.

Maybe you can find some way to cut off contact with your H completely? Can you find some way to forward mail to him? Also, I'd say it's time to cut off H's contact with the kids if you have a legal right to do so. That OW just plain old scares me. If they're up for roping you into getting arrested for coming to assault her, I can imagine them doing something equally irrational and taking the kids and disappearing.

How can he do this after 14 years of marriage? He's DEEP DEEP in the fog of an affair. He's no longer the man you married. He has changed, for the worse.

Protect yourself and your kids Goldie.

Take care,

Jen

Thanks Jen for not yelling at me for giving into him, but after everything I do still love him. I would never ever do anything like that to him. It really upsets me that he can go along with her and allow her to do that to me, the mother of his kids who he once loved. Why can't he see what his gf is really like? I know "The Fog". But I don't think he will ever get out of the fog will he? Probably the thing with his mother was made up, because we were at a party together and my H's name wasn't even brought up. What are the 2 of them up to with that I don't know. Then she thinks that my H will take the kids off me and I will have to pay support. And she also thinks he is going to get money from an accident settlement that I have from my H and I car accident. My H never even signed with me for the lawsuit. I am thinking she is just in it to get money so he can pay her bills and support her. My H never cared about money before like he does now since he has been with her. He always complained that is what I always cared about. I am out of work because of the accident but she goes and says that I always worked, she said she doesn't have to because my husband supports her and tells her not to work. Also, I told the cops that my H isn't even suppose to be living with her because she has a low income house. He never showed for our child support hearing so starting this week it will be coming out of his paycheck along with him paying for the kids and my health insurance. The cops said the ball is in my court since no on had filed for custody, I have the right since he is living with his gf to not let him see the kids and if he does I have the right to make sure she is not with him. I think I will get my phone #'s changed 1st thing in the morning.

I'm certainly in no position to whack you with a 2x4 for sleeping with him. I kept on going and sleeping with my H foolishly thinking it would lead to him treating me better. Ha, after months and months of no changes, I realized otherwise.

I know what you mean about still loving your H. I still love mine, but that love has changed somehow. I've realized that we just aren't going to be able work things out with the way he is now. I don't imagine your H will be coming out of the fog anytime soon.

Changing your phone number sounds brilliant, so long as you don't give it to your H or his mother. And if/when you must call someone that knows him, use call block if you can. (Here you just dial *67 before you call someone, wait for a dial tone, and then it blocks your number from popping up on call display).

Stick to your guns this time Goldie, lord knows how many times I tried to tell myself I wouldn't go sleep with my H again, or I wouldn't answer his calls again, and then did. It's so hard to shut out someone you once loved with your whole heart, but you need to do it to protect yourself and your kids.

Jen

I think I am finally going to file for divorce on Wednesday, but I know my husband will say this is what you wanted all the while and he will make me look bad. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Goldie.....don't feel so bad. The OW did the very same thing to me. She called the cops stating that she was receiving crank calls from me. She had "proof". She called her local police station and filed a report. Because we are from two counties, her county sent a fax to my county to deliver a summons to contact her station. Uniformed officers came to my home, the children were upset, etc., etc. H blamed me saying, "Yes, I heard the tapes, it was you on the phone." I was absolutely devastated. However, I did not learn until after I spoke to the police Seargant. After I spoke to the Sgt., who sided with me, he told me that if I had any other problems, let me know. Apparently, the OW told the officer (in order to file the report) that I was cranking my H and her (at her house). She said that I was the ex-wife. When I explained to the officer that my H and I had not even been officially separated, he almost had a fit. You see, she filed an erroneous claim. When I told the Sgt. the entire story, he told me that if she ever called me once, that he would have her arrested.

Lovely, eh