Hello,
W 33 Me 43 child 2
Three months ago I posted concerning a wife of 3 1/2 yrs that had left me saying she did not love me. She took our two-year-old girl and moved in with her sister in another state 3 1/2 hours away. We had not discussed this at all before she left. My first thoughts were another man was involved.
After looking at phone records, friends and checking up on her - a man was not the reason she left. She was down; on her self (weight) on me (work too much) and home sick.
After trying to get her back using the he-man tech. I push her away further. I started using A with some positive results. Telling her that I loved her, and would forgive her seemed to work most of the time. I also used tough love tech., what killed her was that we did not talk on the phone at all. She did have an affair on some sort with a man from another town she met three weeks after she moved home. This was short lived because of the distance between the two. She has contacted a couple of other men by phone on the time on a regular bases. She continues to go out partying every weekend for 6 weeks until I said I want to split up everything and started the divorce process. She says she has a wild hair and please stands by her until she gets through this. Recently she has said she want to move back, but she has to weight out us & her new life (new job, family close by). Last weekend I drove to check out what she was actually doing at these bars, that she goes to every weekend. I got there at 11pm (bar closes at 2am) and she was leaving going to her house. She did not see me, I called her 30min later at her sisters house and she said she want to talk. She had been drinking, She said she couldn’t stand what she has become, she knows she needs to come back home and start fresh. She would not look at me in the eyes; she says she is ashamed of what she did to me these past three months. The next day I stayed with her and we talked for hours. She says she loves me and wants to get back, but she does not feel the ways she did when we first met. She cannot make up her mind about anything - she says she is still confused on what to do. She polls her family on this daily – she cannot break away from her family were she lives. She states she has been on vacation from me and is really thinking about us getting back together in the near future. She has reached a point with her sister that she has to move out – maybe the reason she is thinking about moving back?
One minute she wants to move back to start fresh, the next she want more time to figure out if she really wants to.
We are now starting to see each other away from her sister’s house,(I got a cabin for one night were she lives for one night this week). We have agreed-if she does not change her mind to start seeing each other on the weekends.
I have been to two different Christian counselors a month or so ago and they both said it was a waste of my time to try with this women. She lost the romantic love for me and is looking for a new love. They said I had three chooses, be miserable, divorce or up to a year of counseling for her. They said she has never left her mother, would do this again, and has no concept of what love real is.
I have read 15 books on how to save a marriage – all say something different.
Please give me some advice. I love her and want her back, but am I being played the fool on this one?
She is supporting her self at this moment – will only take what see thinks she will be getting in child support.
