I've been married for 20 years and my wife and I are in our late 40s. Our sex life is next to nill and she is starting menopause. Our sex was always to her style of lay there and get it over. After many years of this I had met a woman at work who bacame "a friend" after 3 years I've been drawn to her and was thinking of her all of the time. I really wanted to start something but today I found Marriage Builders and read Dr. Harley's articles in infidelity. Things started to come together, I almost made a big mistake and plan to work with my wife on our problems rather than just resenting her for them. I've got a ways to go but I think I've got my stuff together.

Thanks Dr. Harley.

almost,

Glad that you found MB!!! Welcome!!! I hope that your wife will accept the material that you have found and work with you on changing your marriage!!!

Sounds like you might be skating around a Midlife crisis. Get some info and read so that you are informed and know what is coming.

The friend can no longer be a friend if you are serious about working on your marriage. Marriage is for two people and only two. No you have not cheated on your wife physically but emotionally you probably have if you are sharing things with this friend that should be being shared with your wife. If you are sharing them with the friend, you don't share them with your wife and that is cheating her. If you are not sharing with your wife the distance is probalby growing between the two of you. Do you get anything about losing the friend? I hope so!!!

Here's a thread from the recovery board that someone wrote awhile back. It helped me to understand how it is that my xH allowed this to happen to our marriage. We had protected our marriage from the ONs and PAs, didn't think about the "friend" that xH had stayed in contact with on and off over the years.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=31;t=010537

Hope that I have been some help to you!!! This site itself is awesome, go buy the books begin learning together on how to build a stronger marriage!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

hi First of all welcome to marriage builders.
I am also thankful you came here rather then step out on your wife.

I am sure you will be able to work things out.
read the articles and learn the principles..do the questionars..for emotional needs...and get your wife to participate..maybe tell her how come you have come to an affair..but you love her to much to do that to her and your relationship..

I don't think it is an accident you came here..I believe God had a big hand in it..take care and read alot..get some of the books too...and study.you can find everything online here at message builders...

Dr. Harley doesn't read the site..message boards.
but you can get councelling from him..by phone.
why don't you think about doing that.

and pray.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Keep on keeping on.

Actually, you can't get counseling from Dr. Harley at all. He doesn't take new clients. You can however work with either of his children, both of whom use his methods. To set up an appt. call 888.639.1639

I would suggest going to the Marriage Builders Weekend, where you can meet Dr. Harley himself and hear from him how his concepts save marriages and how they should be applied in marriage.

Following the weekend, there is a follow up program which consists of 24 lessons. Along with that you DO have direct access to Dr. Harley via the private section of this forum.

Here's the link to the info on the weekend.

MB Fall in Love / Stay in Love Weekend

All the best!

C