Here I am in Houston with the H..
I am the wayward spouse who has put the H and kids through hell.
I was invited to Fathers Day lunch by his family.
The boys really wanted me to go, so I went.
I felt as though I was on display.
The Scarlet letter.
It lasted a couple of hours and I was out of there.
I cried the whole way home.
So much lost, So much pain
I cant believe how selfish I have been to everyone.
Now I sit here in H's home with all our things we either bought or were given.
H was very uncomfortable when I first arrived(sunday 16). He talked a little more today but not much.
I find myself wanting him.
Its painful when you know they don't feel the same way.
I think the thought of me makes him sick.
I feel like I have invaded his home and personal life.
I am thinking about leaving soon.
I don't know what to say to him or what to do.
We have talked about getting back together but I know from where I sit now that he was not being truthful. I think it is hard for him to see me hurting so he tells me things to make me feel better.
I am only here for 1 more week and would really like to know where we stand.
He does not file but he does nothing else.
Does he want a D but is afraid if I file first he will loose everything.
I would never do that.
I have put him through enough.
He just won't talk about anything with me.
I could use some good advice right about now.
Do I force the issue?
Do I discuss Divorce?
Can I jump his bones?
Help?

<small>[ June 16, 2003, 04:23 PM: Message edited by: lucidity ]</small>

Hi Lucidty,

Glad to hear you spent time with your family. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You have many questions that can only be answered 1 at a time. Not by us but by you and your H.

Breathe L, pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. That is what I have told your H in the past.

take care,
L.

Lucidity!!!!!

Jump his bones!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Slightly joking and serious too. My thoughts are that he stated that this was a big NEED of his NOW. So, if you're willing there's nothing preventinig it...as long as it's for you.

Talk to him. Gosh, two weeks ago you dodn't think you would feel this way for him. You WANT him! That is so awesome!

Girl, you have NOTHING to lose....

Do you have OC with you? Do you have to go home? If not, STAY! Stand firm. He does want you. Have you read his posts over the last four years? Maybe you shoulld. Then you will see how much pain he is in. He is afraid, not rejecting and most importantly - DO NOT FILE - unless it's what YOU want.

You can save this.

Ask him if his terms still stand for recovery, if so then start at it. There are several forms that you can fill out here from the forum. One is a POJA. The other is a EN's questionnaire. Do them and hand it to him.

Also - if you REALLY want this are you willing to have NC with OM? That was major on his list. Are you ready for that?

I'm routing for you.

Do you know how much he loves you?

I believe he does.
I think his fears are the same as yours.

I hope you broke off all contact..with om..

I think one of the hardest things for you was going to his parents for fathers day..that was a big thing and I imagine it was uncofortable..for all involved..but you did it..and thank God you are together to work things out..don't shove it under the rug..
and for your marriage sake and sanity talk..talk and talk some more..

I am praying for you.
I think if you both were in right relationship with God..then things might fall into place..as HE is also feeling neglected and cheated.

a marriage can work with you both looking to God for answers..please read this over..both of you and then perhaps think on it pray on it..and Let God bring you back into reconcilliation..HE is good at that..HE is the Founder..of reconcilliation..thats why Jesus was here...
hugs to both of you.just remember to ask for Gods forgiveness of this sin too..oh I am excited,.for you... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think you have one heck of a man there..and you need never worry about his fidelity..I think he has proved himself and I am sure you will not stray again..hugs to you..my mail is
earthangel@telcomplus.net

you neglected your first love..Jesus.that was and is the problem..
something that is very important..Jesus was treated worse the we ever will be..
read this with an open heart..sent to you with Love..from Jesus..and me..
He is what you really are seeking His unfailing Love..
I Am not sure where you stand in confessing Christ..I am praying for both of you,
I am going to also post this on mesage board..not sure how it will be accepted..but we do know Jesus died for all..
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Tonight, I do not know your testiomony, but I know what testimony any Christian must have.

That means at some point in your life you had to come to the knowlege that you were a sinner and could not save yourself.
There had to be that tugging at your heart strings by the Holy Spirit convicting you of your sin and pointing you to Jesus.
There had to come that time when you stopped walking away from Christ, and turned and walked toward Christ.
There had to come that time when you actually asked Jesus to forgive your sin and come live in your heart and be Lord of your life.

Now to harden your heart means you have to turn your eyes away
from the Jesus hanging on that cross in unspeakable agony,
suffering for your sins!

When I knelt at the foot of that cross,
I looked up into a face beaten beyond resemblence to a human face;
a face,

whose beard had been ripped out by the roots and was dripping blood,
sweat, and vile spit from the soldiers who beat Him and nailed Him that cross.

I saw a body that had been beaten with 39 stripes with a whip that had bone and metal imbedded in the tip,
so that each lash ripped and tore huge chunck of skin and meat. He lost so much Blood and strength He could not carry His cross all the way to the hill,
but collapsed under the weight of it.
I saw a body hanging there struggling for each breath untill his heart literally exploded, and then the spear thrust into His side and water and Blood gushed out. To harden your heart you have to turn and look away from that. To harden your heart means you have to loose your focus, just as Peter did walking on the water. Peter did fine till he took his eyes off Jesus. The minute he did, he began to sink. And so do we all.

There is only one remedy. Either we must accept for the first time that Jesus did this for ME, Personally, and understand that He would have done that even if I were the ONLY one. That is how personal it is. So we must accept His sacrifice and offer of salvation, and make Him Lord of our life, or if we have already done that, we must repent, ask His forgiveness and re Focus on Jesus!

Untill we do this, Words in the Bible are, as you say, only words. Without the Holy Spirit to guide us, those words will never be understood.

We must set aside quality time to spend with God and to study His Word, and pray. We must also come to understand that Jesus is ALWAYS with us.
All that we do we must do as though He were standing there watching us,
because you see, He is!

The we must seek out and spend our time with others who love Him.
Our Family!
Do not Doctors hang out with other doctors,
and muscians with other muscians?
Do rocket scientists hang out with grade schoolers?

Christians must spend their time with other Christians,
where they will be built up,
and edified! Light has no fellowship with darkness!
If you hear foul language and dirty jokes
all day you will not be edified or built up.
You have heard it said
"you are what you eat."
Make suire you are eating the Bread of Life!

Father, You know the needs of ________. Please send the Holy Spirit to touch their heart and reveal to him his need as for as Jesus is concerned.


please get on your knees before the Lord and pray together...as you did when you got married..
HE sees you now.and will heal your brokenhearts.
just give them to Him give Him your marriage..
give Him everything..it all belongs to Him..He will restore, give it all back..
give it your all..the kids , hubby house and everything it came from Him through Him and HE is the one who can give it all back, the feelings and the love.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
your husband so far has lived a godly life before us here..and he has taken you back there, I am not aware though of any thing else..but I do know keep things private..get councelling..but not on the boards..take care. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

"you are what you eat." Make sure you are eating the Bread of Life!

Lucidity,
Sometimes when one spouse has fought really hard for the marriage through infidelity & separation, they doggedly stay in that mind set that that is what they are doing, it's the Plan, the goal, the desire.

But, when the WS has a change of heart and also wants the marriage the BS may suddenly go into re-evaluation. It seems like bad timing, but it happens often enough.

There's a book I found helpful RECONCILABLE DIFFERENCES by Jim Talley and it talks about cycles when reconciliation is possible. One of the key steps for either partner is staying at the point where reconciliation is possible if the other partner also reaches that point.

Until recently your H has kept himself at the point where reconciliation was possible, but he has cycled away as you have cycled toward reconciliation.

I don't know if this makes sense to you, but my advice would be to try to stay for awhile (6-8 weeks) in the mindset that reconciliation would be possible for you. During that time, Plan A.

As Kily says, you have nothing to lose. The only changes may be within you, but that's ok. Positive effort won't heal you immediately, but it's a step.

Lucidity,

Take a good look at what Lor has written. This pattern is often repeated. The BS can do an excellent job in Plan A and B---while they have no real chance for reconciliation to happen. Why??? Hey, there's no real chance for failure because they didn't have a prayer to begin with. When the betrayed spouse comes around and actually wants reconciliation---the betrayed spouse often shifts into protection mode. As hard as Plan A and Plan B are---reconciliation is tougher. You both will be emotionally vulnerable and fragile. You feel like you've only got one chance at this, and you're afraid to even begin.

And you're angry. At him. At yourself. He's got a lot of the same feelings.

The best advice I can give you is to put the anger and fear aside. Talk to your husband about beginning counseling/coaching with either one of the Harley's (888-639-1639) or a certified coach like cerri (877.416.2657, Save your Marriage Central). You absolutely need a skilled coach to get over these recovery humps---they will guide you to learning the behaviors and techniques necessary to rebuild your marriage, so that you both are in love (the gushy romantic kind). Once the two of you have that---everything else will get sorted out with relative ease.

If H2Y isn't ready to commit to the counseling---you should start it anyway. And I'll be personally happy to 2x4 him into counseling myself. It appears that you have a window of opportunity to give this a real, tangible try. You need to put away your misgivings, anger, pity, and sorrow and move forward with this---it's best for your children, your marriage, and you personally.