Thank You to everyone for all your support.
If things don't work out I know I have a place for support and a tool to find change in myself for the better.
This is a pattern I never want to repeat again.

<small>[ June 17, 2003, 08:07 PM: Message edited by: rogue ]</small>

Why should your kids be taken away?
Why have you not filed a restraining order against this man?
Why is he not in prison if he has behaved as you say?
Why is your husband not afraid, if this OM is as bad as you say?

Are you really taking responsibility for your own actions here? Are you being fully truthful?

Rogue,

First of...RUN away from the OM! Today. Do not wait. It does no one any good for you to be injured or killed by this man. Your children need you. Your husband needs you.

If this man has put his hands on you, or is threatening you, go to the police or magistrate and get a protective order. That way, if he even comes near you, he will go to jail.

Talk to your husband. Tell him you have two options. One is move to your friends home 5 states away. Or the other is to come home. Tell him that you only want to come home if he is willing to seek reconciliation. Ask him to go to counseling with you immediately. In this way, he will not think that the only reason you are coming home is to get away from the abuse. And you will not think that the only reason you are going home is because he will protect you. By leaving the option out there for you to go somewhere else, it allows the two of you to make the decision about your future and to decide to work on it or not.

But first off, NOTHING can happen until you get out of there and get safe. It is hard enough to repair a broken marriage, without havbing to fear for your life and safety. Go today to the authorities, get away from the OM...and sit down and have a talk with your husband.

His fears about the kids are justified. But, I think you can belay those fears by the two of you getting counseling.

But first off...get safe!

In His arms.

Rogue-

First of all I have to applaud you for wanting to end the Affair and regain control of your life. You can make things right but it's going to take alot of persistence on your part. This sort of story is the kind of scenerio I dread my XW possibly falling into as it seems as though she's lost her moral compass like you did.

There are lots of options available to you, why not start off with a restraining order against this yahoo? Sounds like you've put your H through the wringer but if you're able to build back his trust in you the M can be fixed. If your M is important enough, the family can relocate for a fresh start. Good luck, you can do it!

While I was busy screwing my life up and the lives of my family, I made some very bad decisions.
I had a protective order and allowed the other man to come over and carried on with him.
Little did I know that this was giving him more power to threaten me.
I have done some very screwed up things and made some very bad choices.
They talk about FOG on here.
I can tell you I have lived in it for a very long time and I never want to go back again.

Rogue...

First start to find and value and belief that little changes you make and do...now and today...can and will have great effect on the bigger picture....

That the feeling of being overwhelmed feels that way because it appear huge...but freedom and control are small consistant steps and changes...and being overwhelmed to the point of inaction is more dangerous and more scarey than facing your fears...

so muddle through...
the fact that you had a restraining order and you yourself breached is nothing but a past mistake...and does not negate your renewed wish for no contact.

start small...
1. start a paper trail audio recording of threats and abuse....start journaling

2. Contact your abusive womans shelter...now and today...let go of your shame in the number of times you returned to him...you are not the only one who has and who will...if you beat yourself up over this and let him to continue to abuse you...he is winning...

3. No one controls you with out your consent..learn small ways to remove your consent...today now.

4. You must must must make your and child safety priority meaning call the police no matter what if you are threatened...I can not beg you more than i am....

5, Know that regardless of his treatment AND your participation in his treatment of you...that YOU hold great meaning and VALUE to the universe...that as a child of GOD you do not deserve such treatment...ever ever ever regardless of your past....believe in you Rogue...I believe in you and i don't know you. ..your child believes in you....

6. Seek assistance through a church, temple or place of worship...catholic charities exists in every community....

Pick one thing today to get in control of..i strongly urge the contacting of a shelter or the charity that is used to this...

one thing rogue...one thing you do..you can be a powerful person in changing the whole future...little baby steps in how one starts...

you are not alone
you are not the only one to make bad choices.
you can change...we all can change...
you are no different than anyone else.

safety to you Rogue..
ARK