I have been with my wife nearly 10 years, we have a beautiful 5 yr old daughter, the last 2 years have been extremely rough, nearly losing everything we owned, while starting new careers and rebuilding, it has not been easy.

The stress it has put on the relationship is high. My wifes common reaction is to shut down, and be cold, and my reaction has been to be verbally abusive towards her. Neither of us gaining the comfort we both needed.

I love my wife so very much, but she is now planning on leaving me, moving over 1000 miles away. We can talk now, but no matter how much I try to reason, my wife does not want anything to do with working out the relationship, she says life is too short. Since I have scheduled councelling for myself, however she says its too late.

There is much more to this story, but the bottom line is I love my wife, and I want nothing more than to make things work. How do I prove my sincerety?

She is moving in less than 2 weeks.

What can I do?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by John433:
<strong>.....There is much more to this story, but the bottom line is I love my wife, and I want nothing more than to make things work. How do I prove my sincerety?

She is moving in less than 2 weeks.

What can I do?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi and welcome to MB,
I saw your post on the d/d site and am glad you brought it here.

It would be helpful if we knew more of your situation. Are you the WS or BS?

Have you read the concepts section above and taken the emotional needs questionnaire. Like you were told by Jen in your other thread, you can only control your actions.

Here's what helped me:

1. Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart.
2. Know that you can only control your actions and emotions.
3. Learn how to improve yourself for the right reasons. Learn to make these changes permanent (sometimes our spouses want to question our good changes and raise doubts to it's longevity).
4. Don't forget to breathe.....
5. Learn patience and practice it.
6. Get a good MC &/or do phone counseling with Steve or Jennifer here at MB>
7. Reading the book His needs/Her needs may be helpful.

That's just for starters. Look forward to hearing more from you.

take care,
L.

Both me and my W are the WS, and BS. When W shuts down I would get verbally abusive to get some reaction, she would be so cold I really thought she didn't care, we were both focusing on making each other miserable, no-one would give in or give up. Now she is giving up, and as much as I thought she didn't care, right now I know she really doesn't, and it hurts like hell.

She says now is the 1st time I am willing to try and its not fair. There is no OM or OW, unless I am completely oblivious, but we have dealt with issues of that nature almost 10 years ago, and I don't see anything like that now.

I really want to know what she needs to stay, I know how much this will hurt our daughter. If things did not get better, I would want her gone if simply for my daughters sake, however I love my W and will do anything to make things work for and and my daughter.

She has an appartment and is scheduled to move in on the 1st, 1100 miles away.

I will appreciate any help.

Hm..... well John, the stuff I listed above still stands. With all that distance gonna be set between you and your W, where will your daughter be? Is it necessary for your W to move that far away? What is the impact on your daughter and are there other options?

I still think you need to work with a good MC. If all was as bad as you described why would you want to fight for your M now? This question is meant to make you think, not make you mad. ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

By the way, there are some here that were both the WS and BS so you will have support in that area as well. U might want to change the title of your thread asking for WS/BS combo help.

L.