Hi everyone. This is my first post. I guess I have hit the point that I don't know what to do next. I will apologize in advance for the length of this email...Sorry!
My H and I have been together for 10 years. Our first child was born prior to the marriage and we have had a second child since. Eventually somewhere along the marriage trail we became defensive, uncaring, unloving and down right mean to one another. He started drinking more and more. Verbal abuse eventually turned into physical abuse. Recently I had him arrested for assault. He moved out (or was told to leave by the police). We have since decided to make it work...he is living in the house again, and things are "ok". They aren't where they need to be. I know (from my personal counselling that I did) that I was and still am part of the problem. I was negative, I didn't open up, I didn't trust my feelings would be reciprocated so I didn't want to risk it. Anyway, many many years of pure nothing from me resulted in him turning things inward. Didn't open up (who would?), doesn't tell me things as afraid of my reaction...it was like a mother and a teenage child. Eventually things got to the point that in public we were civil to each other and alone we weren't. I could cause fights just because.
He still is finding it difficult to open up to me, he says that he needs to figure himself out to be a better person. I know what I want. I want to be loved and to love another. I was devestated while he was gone and it made me open my eyes to the issues that were there. I want to make it all up to him and to show him how much I want him and how much I want to make this work. I tell him that I love him often ( way more than I did previously), but when I keep getting nothing in return it is difficult to continue. I would like some advice on how to turn this around. I am not sure where he is on anything right now as conversation is not one of our strong suits. I do not know what he wants (besides sex, and someone to take care of the kids)...I can only go by what I want, and I am hoping that if I can do things that everything else will change too.
Can anyone advise??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
Thanks, kunicorn
