Here's a question for all the BS's and WS's. I am looking for answers from both <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Do you find that when you and your spouse are watching a movie that has a romantic scene, that it makes either of you uncomfortable or think about the A??

What do you (both, BS and WS) do to not be uncomfortable?

The reason that I am asking is because unless you are going to watch a G rated movie, that most the other movies are going to have some kind of sexual connotation in it.

We really haven't watched any movies depicting that together. Though I have found myself either fast forwarding or changing the channel when scenes like that come on. Not so much that it bothers me, I just havent had sex in three months. Don't need to watch others doing it if I can't.

We did watch that old canadian sex doctor that comes on Oxygen late at night a few times.

It seems like everyone on TV is messing around with someone other than their own spouse. Yes it is very uncomfortable, he tends to switch channels real fast or I get up to do laundry. Laundry has been my savingpoint.LOL...We were recently watching home videos and gues who came across our big screen????ow...yep...Now I gotta figure out how you can get thos things edited..Anyone know a way? Can they do that on video cassette?????He jumped up and turned it off very fast....

regular romantic/monogomous stuff doesn't bother me. it's too common a theme in entertainment. i get quite uncomfortable when movies/tv make infidelity anything other than what it is. for instance, i thought bridges of madison county was a tragedy and not a romantic drama.

Yes! It makes me uncomfortable(BS) and I think it makes H uncomfortable too. Ever who has the remote usually changes channel or we find some excuse to exit for a snack or drink.

This is almost like a syndrome, or the nightmare that recurrs and ruins a good rest. What might be a good thing to do is to work at watching the program even if it is bothersome. Say this is bothering me and talk together about it. If you have been open and honest in your efforts now, could you work it through this way? So many programs have good themes, yet may annoy folks. Could you talk it through as one would a phobia, and get over the hurt so you can enjoy the movie. Separate what is real to you from just a good story.

And the same for home videos. Talk about this. I feel such and such when I see ow/om on our movies. And reflect and acknowledge it as past. Staying firm in the present with all we have learned. Knowledge is power and so is being able to talk with one another about any old thing.

But doesnt seeing them in home movies make them nostalgic?? Thats the last thing we need during a healing process. I am trying to take your advice in many other areas, I am almost ready to open completely to him and let him read the postings. WOnt he be surprised that I am able to go from being so down and crying to actually feeling pretty chipper and looking for the good....

Well, you know why shouldn't you be proud of yourself, and feeling chipper and good. Someone said it comes from the inside. And I think so. But, learning on the outside and incorporating it all in your life if it makes sense and is healthy for you, by God why not. And be happy.

I don't know how movies affect ws's, my spouse has changed the channel if it is just a low down dirty angled movie. And I don't want to watch stuff that has poor morals and lets the good guy look like a loser. NO to that!

It is your perogative to watch and talk or not. What is healthy?

We have so many home movies with her and her family in them. And to be honest it hurts like hell when she flashes across. I honestly would like to see about getting her removed if its possible...Ive tried to love like i would like to be loved and things are looking so much nicer....

I am sorry that you have that problem in the movies of your family. Too bad you couldn't have like your favorite actor dubbed in over her picture, like in those old hoover vacuum commercials and they dubbed in Fred Astaire, dancing with the vacuum. Imagine, Carey Grant in replacement of her in them....

fter this past year anything is possible...

wflower- First off, 800 posts in 2 months!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Wow! Do you ever leave the boards?

OK, on to business. I really like your point about watching the scene and than talking about it. It has been really tough for W (imready2try) and I. I really love watching movies but try as we might to screen them before watching it, there is always somethin that pops up. After that I usually withdraw and become silent. Not good for either of us.

Thanks for the thought, I and I am sure we, will try your advice.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I am just having a hard time watching movies with my husband (STTSI) right now. One of my favorite movies I cannot even watch anymore because the whold foundation of the movie is an affair.

I guess what I am getting at with my question is this: When you see romantic scenes portrayed in movies - do you - the bs, think about your S having an affair, or you the fws - don't you think about your affair?

I find myself in that role often, and I think that my husband does also. It is just really a bummer because watching movies is something that we really like to do, but now we really have to screen our movies before we watch them.

More suggestions would be appreciated! Thanks for the replies everyone!!

Ready to Try:

Yes, I think about it. And him switching the channel or squirming makes me think he's feeling just a tad guilty still - which I think is good. It's amazing how many shows are out there about it - especially where you least expect. Friends and the whole Ross and Rachel "we were on a break" thing is even too much for him!

DB -

Thanks for the reply!

It really is amazing if you think about how many shows are out there that contain some form of a sexual connotation. And yet, there are still people out there who wonder why it is that children are having sex at such a young age??? It is in almost every show that is on television. Children are seeing it all the time!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

IR2T. Also the children's parents are not watching them while they are either watching sex and or having sex.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by imready2try:
<strong>DB -

Thanks for the reply!

It really is amazing if you think about how many shows are out there that contain some form of a sexual connotation. And yet, there are still people out there who wonder why it is that children are having sex at such a young age??? It is in almost every show that is on television. Children are seeing it all the time!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey VD('virtual daughter' NOT STD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) don't forget that kids are much more influenced by their peers than by anything they see on the tube or on the screen.

Hey VD (That would be Virtual Dad) -

Yes, I agree that kids are very influenced by their peers, but back to the original statement though - where are their PEERS seeing sex? On TV, in movies. Children of today are being taught safe sex, when in reality, they should be being taught NO SEX! Abstain from sex until you are married. That is JMHO though.

I never realized how much sex is advertised (on TV shows and on Movies) until you are directly related to an affair (either the BS, or WS). For me, I began to notice that a WHOLE lot more!!!

It really is upsetting to see how often it is portrayed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

WFLOWER - My H and I have no children of our own - but from my own personal experience - parents need to find a BETTER way to talk to their children about sex and it's repercussions when done at such an early age. I know that parents cannot always be there to watch their children all day, every day - but something needs to change in our society!

Think about it though. Children don't even need to see the act of sex on television. Think about things like the Victoria's Secret or Hanes Underware commercials. You see some wo/man being advertised in their 'underthings.' Don't you think that it makes kids curious and want to explore sexuality? See, to me - that is wrong. I know that we cannot guard our kids 24/7 - but there has to be something that we can do to protect our children!

Ok, I am off my soap box now... I just needed to vent about children and how much sex is used in advertising. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I have a had a problem with watching love scenes for a some time since my FWH had his PA. It always made me think of them together.With time and recovery for 2 years now,it has gotten better but not completely gone.

I never imagined it would take so long for all of these thoughts,feelings and triggers to go away.Time has helped,it truly has helped. kk

KK -

Thanks for the reply! My H and I are only a few months into recovery...

I know that time will / can make things better -

Thank you again for your reply!!!