My MM and I go back 35 yrs. He was my first love but his interests were elsewhere and after 3 yrs of heartache, I married a better person, more loving and dependable than MM ever was.
I got over MM gradually and we lost contact for next 30 yrs,till about 2 yrs ago he got in touch with me via e-mail, and we started exchanging letters regularly and got very close. It was clear that neithrer of us wanted to hurt our marriages, and any meetings or sex was completely out of question. We were close like two very good girl friends, exchanging stories, opinions,life experiences, cheering each other. I was going thro' cancer treatments, and these letters cheered me immensely. Even the harmless occasional flirtings made me feel alive and desirable.
I did not tell my husband because I did not think he will understand my need for it and as there was no question of a conventional 'affair', I did not see any harm in it.
My husband is very loyal, dependable but rather non communicative and possessive. But I had grown used to being lonely, till now.
About 6 mos into this, my husband found out about me. He was extremely angry. Obeying his wishes, I told him everything and stopped all letters, phones, e-mails, even talking about MM.However, I have not been able to get him out of my mind. The initial acute pain has subsided but a dull ache remains, even after one and half years. My husband is still angry and suspicious, and believes I am still hiding something or start writing again. He does not think I am repentant enough. I had lost sexual desires after my madical problems, but he thinks it is because I am still missing MM. We have had long talks/arguments, but to no avail. Marriage counsellor is out of question, he will never see one. I do love him very much and feel awful to see him tortured thus.
My questions are these---
1)--Is what I did an adultery? Is it a sin to be friends with someone? I do not feel as guilty as my husband would want me to. Am I amoral?
2)--Can a spouse completely own and rule over the partner's thoughts? I still miss MM. ,how can I control it?
3)--Can a man and a woman ever be 'just friends'?
4)--Can one love 2 people at the same time? I do love my husband and want to do all to please him but at the same time I do miss my friend. It took me 30 yrs to get over him first time, now I am not well and do not have 30 more years to forget him.We are all getting old, isn't there any chance to forgive each other and remain on at least talking terms? Or is that unwise?
--thanx for listening
--lonely&hurt :
web page </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">code:</font><hr /><pre style="font-size:x-small; font-family: monospace;"> [/code]</blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">[/LIST]
