im not sure where to start..but here goes..my husband of 15 years..(we have lived together for 21 in all)told me he slept(two times) with a girl(she is a young mother of two from our church) 30 years younger then him.after they slept together they kept seeing each other but NOT sleeping together..(??)..she became pregnant but they both said it was not my husbands (was her X-boyfriend)i still dont know who the baby belong too..he says its not his..not sure if he has done the test yet..not sure if i would belive him..i THOUGHT we had a very good marriage..when he told me about the affair i ask him to leave our home that was 71/2 months ago..when i try and talk to him about the affair..he says it was NOT a affair it just happen.and he has no ideal why.that he loves me..and never stopped..we have a 14 year old son..and i started a new job in Dec.(i had to quit my old job..because i was not getting enough hours)i cant seems to get over this.i thinking of the affair all the time..when im at work or around people i feel like im living another life..im seems so happy to the out side world even my family..but im falling apart..and i cant talk to anyone..none of my friends or family know why we are not together...and i can not tell them..and im not sure why...the only person i talk to this about is our 22 year old daughter..and i can only say so much to her..
im hurt...for what i have lost...or should i say for what i thought i had...im mad that he didnt love me enough to stop himself...or love our family enough.....

unsure,

Why wouldn't you consider repairing this marriage with your husband? Have you read the principles of MarriageBuilders? There are many people here, including me, have overcome infidelity and have come out on the other side with great marriages. This is not a hopeless situation by a long shot.

^^bump^^

Glad to see you posted here, I have been looking for you.

Don't get discouraged if at first you don't get many replies... I didn't my first posts... but as you post more and more about yourself and your situation... you'll get more replies.

Cali

Melodylane, thanks for your reply...its not that i dont want to work on my marriage, it that im having a hard time understand how someone that says that they love you, but cheat on you...my husband knew i would never put up with him cheating...and he even told me he knew if i found i would end our marriage (i belive he ended our marriage the frist time he slept with her)...
Im just so lost right now...

Cali,
Thanks...i try and come on here a few times a week...its all so unreal...its like living someone elses life but i know its my life because i feel the pain .and it hurts so bad...will it ever stop?..
I read your story...im glad to read your back with your husband...i wish you the best... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yeah... living the 'surreal' life... I think I felt that way for a whole year...

in fact, it is only recently that I feel ALMOST completely 'normal' again...

Really, really the BEST thing you can do is to gather up support for yourself... individual counseling, a pastor, a support group... ALL THREE! The stronger you are... the better you are able to deal with what happens.

Cali

My husband ask me yesterday if we were ever going to get back together.. my question to him was ..how can we if you don't want to talk about your AFFAIR...(he says it was not a affair)he says there is nothing he can tell me..he does NOT know why he slept with her ( they both say that it only happened twice)...and that he never stoped loving me and nothing was wrong with us...it just happened...
my question is...CAN THAT BE TRUE??..does affairs just happen??..and why do the cheaters take a chance of losing the people they say they love??.. i think i want to work on my marriage..but how can i?.. i want to know EVERYTHING...and he wants to never talk about it..please give me some insight..what do you think?...your input may help me...Thanks...

It took my H TWO years to tell me as much as he has told me... AND that was a BIG breakthrough.

I think that you take it one day @ a time... heck, sometimes one hour @ a time...

There's usually A LOT to escavate. Start with YOU. Let him start with him... and see where that leads you.

NO RUSH TO DECISIONS.

I think he has QUITE a bit of work to do before he CAN answer your questions. First he has to answer his own.

Cali

cali
Thanks for posting...can you give me a little back ground about you and your life? (if you dont mine me asking)were you and your husband still living together as you were working on your marriage?...and if so how did you make it?.. this is all so unreal to me...as im sure it is to most of the people that post here...i dont have any one that i can talk to about this...i want to try and work on my marriage...but some days i think WHY should I ...he cheated on me...after 23 years of living together...(married 15)..people who love eachother DON'T cheat....do they?...so many questions...and i know NONE of the answers..
some days life just sucks... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ...