Well, as you can see, I made it through the mission and I'm in one piece yet, despite some close calls and one of our drivers trying to take out our HMMWV by flipping his trailer on the road to Baghdad.
Since I've been back, my copy of SAA arrived, which I dove into immediately. I'm a little over half way through it. It's definately encouraging. It matched most of what my WS did and said over the last couple months.
The status now is that she returned my email that I sent just before I left on that mission saying that I couldn't help her with her army problems, that I was dissapointed that she had nothing to say to me before I left for the mission and that my finances were being separated. Her reply when I returned (she wrote it that same day) was that she couldn't keep up with my being understanding and compassionate one email and then angry and bitter the next. She said she was stressed out when she replied. So, now I wrote back saying that I would understand her being stressed at the time if she could understand that I'd been on an emotional rollercoaster from hell for many weeks up to that point. I then explained, with inspiration from SAA of course that I still cared for her and that the door for her is open, regardless of what has happened. I went on to explain that just because she decided previously to move out of our house and leave me after she returned from her deployment that it didn't mean she had to stick with that, she is always welcome in our home.
Lastly I explained the effects this last mission had on my outlook on this. In a nutshell, after watching a guys brains splattered on a wall I began thinking a lot in different directions. Life is short. Make no mistake, I've seen just how fragile it is first hand.
Since I've been back I've started undertaking many projects. I'm continuing my physical and mental preparations for SF, I'm taking daily guitar lessons and Tai Chi (these two were on my list of things to do before I die so...).
We have a lot of time, btw, between missions lately. I went to church last Sunday for only the second time since in 9 years or so (of my own free will) and the chaplain and I had a good three hour chat. I've been reading a lot and studying this and that.
So, in short, my schedule is quickly filling, I'm staying busy and I'm beginning to feel much better. I'm keeping my heart open to my W, I'll be keeping in touch, but only to chat and continue with Plan A over the next few months of this deployment.
Things have changed a little as to my return time. It's looking like she may get back to our place before I do since I've been selected to lead some of the soldiers that will be staying behind an extra couple of months so that others can get outta here. This means that instead of me being there and available when she gets home, she will come home to an empty house, which I am guessing will make it easier for her to get her things and move out without much thought as to if she should try to stay a little or not.
With regards to her and the OM, it seems her command has done little to discourage them. At least it sounds that way. I hear that they are getting little slaps on the wrist and that something about me being a "hothead" was mentioned. So, she has her command in her pocket (she's a great manipulator) so I don't even know if they bothered to separate the two. She probably explained that her and the OM were "just friends" and they bought it, being the morons that they appear to be.
I know, I know, too much guessing and speculation...
Whatever, I'm gonna do my thing and if she emails me back I'll continue to be her friend online and see what happens and not worry about the other stuff. These sandstorms will ensure that I don't email her too often. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Oh, her mom went to visit her while I was gone, but I haven't heard how that went yet. I hope good, for her mom's sake.
So, just wanted to update those of you that were following this before. And, thanks again. I'll check back when I can, when the net's working (when the sandstorms stop for a while).
Oh, one thought, well question did come up during my reading SAA. In my special situation, we're not home together for one, and most likely won't be when she has the opportunity to leave. The people in the book had all the time in the world to work these things out...six months for this plan six months for that plan...but we've got maybe two or three months before she gets home. After that maybe two or three months before I get home with possibly no way to keep in touch. Once I do get home to an empty house (most likely at this point)there will only be a couple months before my deadline to leave for SF indefinately. Your answer here is don't leave, but, this is a one time thing. Say I stay behind, give up my shot, and try to work things out with someone who is not even living in the same state and may not have any intention of working things out, or worse will maybe work things out for a time and then leave me anyway. I will have sacrificed one of my biggest dreams (besides her) for what? Getting dumped on? So how far should I let it go before I decide that enough is enough? Should her desision to move out decide whether I continue trying or not, or should I wait all the way up until the time when I have to ship out, what? If she stays, she's loses none of her important plans, she has no plans for her future now. She's winging it now. But, if I let my future go, I'll be sacrificing a life's dream of realizing my potential. So, again, at what point do I decide this. Opinions on a time frame, anyone?
thanks again for being here and listening gentlemen/ladies
