When he moved out, which was before DDay, I got all of his personal possesions out of the house.

I have thrown out any other possessions of his that I have found.

I have destroyed most of the photos of WH (not including the wedding pictures). I have only kept the really ugly ones to remind myself that I haven't lost much.

I am not contacting him.

BUT, I still can't get him and the A off my mind. I want to know what is going on and if he is spending time with OW. I find myself driving to work in tears most mornings, thinking about what has happened, and just wanting to be able to move on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Can anyone suggest some practical things to do to get through this?

Claire,

There's the obvious....drugs LOL! no seriously, if you aren't on anti-Ds, please consider it. Can you take a trip somewhere? Or go visit family for a couple of weeks. Just some how break the monotony and do something different? I'm sorry this is so hard.

Thanks for the suggestion about the drugs! I have been avoiding this out of pride. Also, I meant to thank you for suggesting moving cities (earlier post). I did think seriously about leaving straight after DDay, but it's not practical. I like my job, and I am considering going overseas at the end of the year, so not practical to move right now.

Holidays are coming up starting 4th July. I am going to consult with a lawyer, then have a couple of days getting some odd jobs done (eg, protecting my assets) Then I will go to visit family for about a week.

Claire:

The antidepressant medication really helps. I can tell a big difference on the days that I forget to take it. On the medication, I can think much clearer, am less weepy and can talk myself out of the obsessions better. The obsessions continue to occur, though. From my understanding, what we are feeling is normal and expected after being abandoned. Steve Harley told me that this is one of the absolute worse of life's possible traumas.
I didn't believe it when folks here said it to me but it does get better.

Claire

I'd second what Mimi said. Try the 'happy pills'. They seem to do the job for me, although sleep is still not what it might be.

Glad to hear that you have some plans. Are you going anywhere nice overseas? Is it just a short-term thing, a holiday or more long-term move?

S.

Hi

Things I did to Move on-

Took Anti d's as I was so stressed out I began to make my childrens life more miserable than it needed to be.

Took a walk every day and enjoyed the excercise and the scenery

Visited with friends- particulrlay new ones I made who were in similar situation to me and so could understand how I felt

Found things to do for me that I hadn't done when with H- listened to my choice of music etc

Prayed

Spent time with family- my sister and I have become much closer through it all.

Shopped for new clothes for me for first time in years.

All helped me come to the place where I am - but 2 years on the biggest thing that helped was - TIME

Jante

I'm not in favor of taking "happy pills". In my opinion, if their is a medical necessity for them (diagnosed with depression, pi-bolar, etc) then yes go to the doctor and ask for something to help. But for a heartbreak NO WAY. I was caught up on that for about 2 weeks after d-day. Then on the 15th day, I said "What the hell am I doing abusing my body because I have had my heartbroken. I am not the first person this has happened to and I won't be the last". What did people do back in the day before all these medicines came out? THEY TOOK IT DAY BY DAY. TIME! NO MAN or should I say PERSON is worth abusing your body for. That's just my personal opinion and that is what worked for me. I started hanging out with friends (females) that I hadn't kept in touch with in a while and we started hanging out. Ofcourse in the beginning it's hard because you come home to an empty bed and the nights are the worse but each week it became easier. AND I SURVIVED! Now before anyone lash's out at me, let me reiterate, this is what worked for ME! I am not a Christian Scientist! If I have a one iota of a cramp, I am downing ADVIL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am in no-way shape or form judging anyone here on their choice to take medicine to help them through. Everyone has their own way of dealing and I do understand and respect that choice. But Claire, if you have come this far without taking medicine then please try to take it slowly, day by day, hour by hour, because some days will be good and some days are bad it's just the course of a heartbreak. Crying is a natural function and should not be suppressed. Hope you wake up tomorrow feeling alittle bit better! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ June 27, 2003, 04:24 PM: Message edited by: trying2_4give ]</small>

Trying 2:

I definitely was and still am suffering from diagnosable depression. I lost 20 lbs. in 2 weeks because I was not eating and maybe was sleeping 2 hrs. per night. My dr. asked me about these symptoms before prescribing the medication. I was not able to function and to do my job. If you had ever felt the way I was feeling, you would have tried anything.

Back in the day when there were no antidepressants, people like me ended up killing themselves or dying from lack of attentiveness to their health needs.

I keep repeating this but- Steve Harley told me that infidelity is a major trauma that can cause serious emotional damage and pain.

I would encourage anyone that is suffering the physical symptoms of depression to run not walk to their physician.

Modern antidepressant medication is not harmful to the body. This medication is a LIFESAVER!

I will be going overseas for 1-2 years, so long term. Couldn't do this while married because WH refused to leave the country. He claimed that it would be too hard to get a good job overseas. He is a computer programmer for goodness sake!! More likely, it meant leaving OW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I think I will try to go without meds. Plenty of exercise and distractions instead. Mimi - I have lost 10kg (that's about 20 lbs) since Dday. I am now 59 kg, which I haven't weighed since I was 14 years old (and 2 inches shorter).

As for distractions - I went to a ball tonight (OK, it was a school ball, and I was there as a member of staff supervising!!) but I got all dressed up, got my hair done and danced the night away and went off into town with some of the other staff members, and generally had a good night.

I guess the key is distractions - whether it is pharmaceutical or activities. Or planning for the future.

I've been shopping like a maniac and that has helped (my psyche not my check book). I was always the "practical" one in the relationship. Also, WH liked me to dress very simple (think GAP). I've been buying girly/hip things and got a great new haircut which requires me to use a straight iron but looks terrific.

A friend of mine said the "problem is that you have nothing to look forward to." She made me write down 10 things that I wanted to do for the rest of the year. These ranged from "take a trip to Las Vegas" to "read a book that has nothing to do with marriage, infidelity, romance," to run a "10K." Making the list made me feel much better. So far I've started the book, planned two trips, have started teaching my son to swim and have worked on other of the items.

Claire;
I know how hard this is; I really do...

Have you thought about forgiveness? I mean REAL forgiveness, the kind you surrender to, the kind where you realize that nothing has been done TO you, where you can just accept that although you do not like or understand his choices, you can accept that at this moment in his life and evolution they might be the right choices for him.

It's not for him; it's for you...

Let me say again MIMI1254 unless you missed what i said the first time...
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In my opinion, if their is a medical necessity for them (diagnosed with depression, pi-bolar, etc) then yes go to the doctor and ask for something to help. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">