I haven't vanished, just that it is hard for me to get on the board and post. But I read every day. I have given much thought to all you have said, done some reading and realize that my emotional need is being listened to.

My friend really listens to me and is interested in me. The feelings I have toward him grew out of that not something sexual.

I have approached my husband in the past about listening. He has tried, but it never lasts all that long. So now I have a friend who really does listen. What is so bad about that? Haven't I given it my best shot with my husband, trying and trying? I don't mean best shot like I am going to leave him. I love him. But I know nothing will change.

Instead of me resenting him for not listening, I have a friend that listens. So when my husband and I are together now things are good because I dont feel he has to be something he can't be. That makes our life good.

Is that wrong? Having this friend makes me happy and that happiness makes my family life better too

headspinng,

You are barginning to try and justify what you know is wrong. Your H will listen to you, when you learn to communicate with him. You haven't, that is YOUR fault.

As it is, you are barginning with the devil and the devil will win. It is sad, your H doesn't deserve what is about to happen to him. Nor does the marriage, but it will happen.

I really don't have anything else to offer you. I have said my piece on your other thread, as have many others.

You know there are really three types of people in the world:

Those that don't learn from their mistakes.
Those that do learn from their mistakes.
And those that learn from OTHER peoples mistakes.

Which are you?

I really hate this. If you think the lack of conversation is sooo bad, divorce the man. Do the honorable thing and leave him, but don't do this to him.

I really don't know what else to say to you.

I just hope that God Blesses your H, because his blessings on you are wasted: you are not listening.

JL

If you feel that you are doing nothing wrong than be COMPLETELY honest with your hubby and tell him everything including the fact that you love this guy and that you have been physically intimate with him.. If he agrees that it is okay for you to continue seeing this OM than you have nothing to feel guilty about. Of course, he may want the same privilege to find a female friend who will fulfill his ENs and maybe physical needs. If you can live with this scenario than go for it.

Print out some of those emails you and your little friend have been sending each other, show
them to your husband, tell him how many times
you talk on the phone and what you're talking about. Does his wife know whats going on?
She should ,since it's so innocent.
Face it, it's an EA. The first clue is when you start keeping secrets!

head,

Do you just not get it? You have an emotional attachment/addication to this friend and his meeting your need to be heard.

You can not be a cake eater, you can not have it both ways, husband and "friend".

This "friend" is not helping your marriage nor you his. You are having an "AFFAIR", you can try and justify what it is you are doing and that there is nothing wrong with it. BUT there is something wrong YOU are cheating on your husband. That has been explained to you before on this board!!!

Give up the "friend" and get on with your marriage and your life, before you do permanent damage that you will not be able to repair. How do you think your kids are going to feel when they find out that their mother has been cheating, means you didn't love them enough to give up your "friend". That is sad!!!

There is nothing more to say to you, you can keep trying to justify your actions, they are not justifable!! It will take strength to break away from your "friend", maybe that is the problem you don't have the strength or character!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ June 27, 2003, 11:35 PM: Message edited by: daybreak ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by headspinng:
But I read every day. I have given much thought to all you have said, done some reading and realize that my emotional need is being listened to.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you may have done the reading but you've missed the point.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The feelings I have toward him grew out of that not something sexual.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">physical affairs seldom do begin as sexual. studies have shown that the time between first meeting and first kiss is much greater than the time between first kiss and first intercourse. it's a slippery slope you travel.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have approached my husband in the past about listening. He has tried, but it never lasts all that long. So now I have a friend who really does listen. What is so bad about that? Haven't I given it my best shot with my husband, trying and trying?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">no. keep trying. when one way doesn't work, try another. repeat.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So when my husband and I are together now things are good because I dont feel he has to be something he can't be. That makes our life good.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">it only makes it good for you. tell your husband about how your OM makes you feel and see how good your life is for you and your husband.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is that wrong?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">yes.

my wife began a friendship with a co-worker. i thought our home life was happy. lunches. talking on the phone. that was in april of 2002. by july of 2002 they were having a physical affair. by august they were proclaiming their love for one another. my home life wasn't so happy afterall.

it would be best if you spent some more time reading the stuff here at marriage builders. ge to the library and check out the books. read all you can about what affairs do to families. when you're ready, come back to the boards and talk about how to recover your marriage. in the meantime, you're going to find it difficult to find anyone here who will agree with you.

i wish you the best of luck.