Last night (at 11:30pm!!) WH left a voice message for me. He sounded totally pathetic, saying he really wanted to talk to me.

I phoned him back at 9:00am. OW was there in the background.

I asked him why he'd left me the message. He said he needed to talk. I asked whether he was still in contact with OW. No reply. So I asked if the affair was still going on. No reply. So I said that it was a simple question, either the affair was still going, or it wasn't. He eventually said he was still in contact with her. (Now 6 weeks since Plan B letter sent) I then said that I would like to help him with his problems, but couldn't do so until the affair was over. I told him I would be happy to talk to him once the affair was finished.

I then said something I'm not proud of: I told him to go ahead and screw her, do whatever he was going to do with her, and not contact me until he'd finished with her. LB-ing? Probably. But, there's really nothing left to draw upon from the Love Bank.

I understand that he has actually moved in with her. She lives with her parents for goodness sake!!! What a wonderful situation he has gotten himself into!

I then said something I'm not proud of: I told him to go ahead and screw her, do whatever he was going to do with her, and not contact me until he'd finished with her. LB-ing? Probably. But, there's really nothing left to draw upon from the Love Bank.

Oh I don't know. Sometimes I think a little venting is ok. You can't always be the one to not 'love bust' and he has certainly given you reason to. I think you have handled everything well so far. Just keep on doing your best- and being YOUR best. In the end, that is what matters. In the end, you will still have Claire and you will still like Claire, even if your poopy husband misses the boat.

I wish that I had your strength. My situation started less than 3 weeks ago and the only things that are keeping me sane is prayer, family, and reading. Like you I don't want to give up. However, the more I read on this site just makes me see all the pain that is ahead if I stay. It's just hard to imagine things getting worse than they already are. It doesn't make my situation any better that the OW befriended be an betrayed me too. Even if it was only an EA.

Does your H give you hope for reconsiliation? How do you stay so strong?

Hi Claire,

He called you? What did he want?

You are going to be very sensitive to everything he says, does, sounds, smells, looks, breathes, etc. That's ok.

Did you LB? Hm.... in plan B it really doesn't matter. You asked the questions you needed. It had a 'cause and effect' resulting in what under normal or even plan A circumstances would be considered an LB. Ok, so what?

I did similar. In fact, I said they needed (OW & WS) to smoosh their faces together since other body parts were doing the same. Was that an LB? No, I was in plan B and it didn't matter for me. In fact, it was a stress reliever for me and at that time, reconciliation was not an option. Of course, losing one's temper should be watched but from what you stated, you shouldn't chastise yourself too much. ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Hope this helps.
L.

Dazed: I now realise this is a little long, but my heart really goes out to you. I remember those early stages after DDay - probably to you it feels like eternity already. I hope that there is something here for you.

The only things that are keeping me sane is prayer, family, and reading. Like you I don't want to give up.

At the 3 week mark, I was still in shock over the discovery. I just wanted my old life to be restored. I had no comprehension of the lies, deception and betrayal that was still going on, and continued to go on right up until I started with Plan B. Be prepared to deal with a totally illogical insane situation. (I jumped into plan B a bit early according to conventional wisdom)

Keep doing the things you are doing: reading, prayer, family. My family is not that close, but they really came through for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> You need to be strong and have your wits about you to be able to make the best decisions. Exercise properly and eat properly.

However, the more I read on this site just makes me see all the pain that is ahead if I stay.

This is definitely the worst situation of my life. That's not a dramatic over statement. Betrayal, abandonment, lies, deception all done conscienciously and purposely by someone who promised to forsake all others and be with me for better or worse. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> The grief is for the marriage and hopes and dreams, not for the person my
WH used to be.

Keep reading and posting here. One thing that kept me going was reading posts from people whose situations were far worse than mine. Seeing their strength was inspirational.

In 10 years time, you want to be able to say that you did the best you could to save your marriage (JL or Lisa's words, I think) That is one reason to try Plan A and Plan B. You will find strength you never knew you had. You will also learn about how to make relationships work, and your next relationship (whether it is with WH or someone else) will be something to behold! Only you can decide if you want to try to work the situation out or not.

It doesn't make my situation any better that the OW befriended be an betrayed me too. Even if it was only an EA.

My WH's full blown PA started as an EA. He knew he'd found his "soulmate" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> because they got on so well as friends. They are soulmates because he winges about his marriage and she offers him sympathy and the advice he wants to hear.

Any affair is a threat to your marriage. You are fortunate you caught it in this stage. Are they in love yet? If you don't know, FIND OUT!!! Get to know the key fogese phrases, such as the classic "I do love you, but I'm not IN LOVE with you". If you can see these for what they really are, then you won't take them personally. Infact, don't take anything personally - even the fact that OP befriended and betrayed you. She would have done it to anyone who was married to the man she wanted.

OW never tried to befriend me. She has known him for 9 years, and has never in that time been remotely interested in getting to know the person that he married. She invited WH and me out to a movie a year ago, in order to get a look at me, and see what she was up against. She then proceeded to tell my soon-to-be-WH she was relieved that I wasn't too funny looking for a half-Asian. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> WH tried to say this was a compliment. I don't believe for one minute that OW simply "fell in love" with my H. The string of events is too calculated, and too precise. Reminds me of military battle plan. She has another think coming if she believes that I will simply stand by and allow lies to be circulated about my marriage and about my character.

A number of events/experiences in my life prepared me for this challenge. I am using all of my knowledge and skills to deal with this affair: things learned from bad situations from the past, from sports, from my education, from religion, from Army training, from my professional career. I chose to be married and I don't want to have my marriage ended for me by a third party who I don't even know. I know that one way or another I will survive this. This situation can only make you stronger and wiser Dazed (although it does make the WS and OP weaker and more foolish!)

Hugs to you Dazed and Confused <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Stay in touch!