Did you WS use protection?

Mine did not. A lasted at least 4 months. OW was M too. Who knows if she had slept w/others. Who knows if OW's H was sleeping w/others.

My cycle has been off (probably from the stress) and I am going to the doctor tomorrow. Told H that I was going to get tested for STDs. His response, "That's stupid!" In a VERY DEFENSIVE manner I might add. I said, "How is that stupid?" He said that if I really think I have the chance of getting an STD then that makes him look stupid. OKAY then, was he not being stupid? Or is it just me? I know the answer. I said, "No. It's stupid that I am having this done because you won't." He thinks since he has no symptoms of anything and I have no symptoms that everything is A-Okay!

I just want to know everyones take on this one.

He is just making me feel like he really doesn't care about my feelings and my health at all. Oh yeah, it's 3 mos post d-day and he thinks I should have full trust as well....
---------------------
M - 4.6 years
2 kids (1 & 3)
A - 4 mos (one month after baby born)
D-Day - 3/03 (after finding old e-mails and H was still in contact w/OW but supposedly no longer is PA -- I think it is because OW's H was becoming very suspicious)

My WS also didn't use protection. Your H is an idiot to think that because he is symptom free, there is no possibility that he's contracted an STD, since some of them can go months or even years without symptoms. Also, symptoms of some STDs are less prominent in men than women, so it is possible that he's passed one on to you without yet experiencing symptoms that you're already having. You are making the right choice to get tested.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SoDisappointed:
<strong>

He is just making me feel like he really doesn't care about my feelings and my health at all. Oh yeah, it's 3 mos post d-day and he thinks I should have full trust as well....
)</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh good grief, of course you shouldn't have full trust. You should NEVER have full trust again and probably won't start to feel any trust for at least a year, provided he works his [censored] off to prove himself. Expecting trust when he has just committed the greatest betrayal a spouse can commit is preposterous. You would be insane to trust an untrustworthy person.

And absolutely you should get an STD check. We have people on this forum who have STDs from their partner's affairs. Who cares if he agrees or not? It is your health, *you* protect it. He has already demonstrated with his affair that your welfare is not important to him.

What I don't get either is that when we were dating -- we ALWAYS used protection and I didn't have to ask him to. I admired that. He said that his mom was a nurse and told him ALL about STDs, etc.

I asked, "What if she got pregnant." He said, "She had her tubes tied." I said, "And you believed her?" He said, "I had no reason not to." Uh, excuse me, but isn't she already a liar too since she was cheating on her H????? What makes WS's so ignorant?

Soooo, was his prior use of protection really just to keep from getting somebody pregnant instead of STDs??? Why all the sudden was he not worried about that especially while being married? He knew I did not have much of a sexually active past and have always been VERY careful so if anything comes up -- it's all on him!

SD, he was not worried about the damage an affair would do to his marriage, so why would he worry about STDs? I would be more surprised if he did exhibit that kind of caution in the midst of a profoundly wreckless, destructive act.

I heard, "I didn't need to because she's a health care worker". What kind of health care worker doesn't know about using safety precaustions?

I was treated for 2 STDs.

Your H was stupid. And you have to deal with consequences. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

He should also go in. Just because. If you both are clear, then it is likely that it was ok. However, HPV-- Human Papiloma Virus (sp?) also called genital warts can be dormant for up to 10 years and 60% of sexually active people with more than one partner carry the virus, many without symptoms.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He should also go in. Just because. If you both are clear, then it is likely that it was ok. However, HPV-- Human Papiloma Virus (sp?) also called genital warts can be dormant for up to 10 years and 60% of sexually active people with more than one partner carry the virus, many without symptoms.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YES! The only reason I found out the extent of the A was when I had an abnormal PAP...HPV causes Cervical cancer, that is the main goal of a Pap test. It can lay dormant for years, the warts can be internal and you would never know. If abnormal cells are found, then they do an additional test for the presence of HPV. Your OB/GYN is a professional, ask her/him what needs to be done.

Lots of good information online...educate yourself and ask your husband to read it also.
Isn't it stupid that we educate our children about these dangers and it doesn't sink in with the BS?

I remember the night I asked my H how I could have ever contacted a STD...and he confessed that his EA had really been a PA...I told him he had spent more money to protect the computer from viruses than me.

In the state of Maryland, it is a criminal offense to give your spouse a STD...and rightly so.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He should also go in. Just because. If you both are clear, then it is likely that it was ok. However, HPV-- Human Papiloma Virus (sp?) also called genital warts can be dormant for up to 10 years and 60% of sexually active people with more than one partner carry the virus, many without symptoms.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YES! The only reason I found out the extent of the A was when I had an abnormal PAP...HPV causes Cervical cancer, that is the main goal of a Pap test. It can lay dormant for years, the warts can be internal and you would never know. If abnormal cells are found, then they do an additional test for the presence of HPV. Your OB/GYN is a professional, ask her/him what needs to be done.

Lots of good information online...educate yourself and ask your husband to read it also.
Isn't it stupid that we educate our children about these dangers and it doesn't sink in with the BS?

I remember the night I asked my H how I could have ever contacted a STD...and he confessed that his EA had really been a PA...I told him he had spent more money to protect the computer from viruses than me.

In the state of Maryland, it is a criminal offense to give your spouse a STD...and rightly so.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dustkitty:
<strong>The only reason I found out the extent of the A was when I had an abnormal PAP...HPV causes Cervical cancer, that is the main goal of a Pap test. It can lay dormant for years, the warts can be internal and you would never know. If abnormal cells are found, then they do an additional test for the presence of HPV. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">dustkitty, will STDs always show up in a Pap smear?

Whats really sad is on another board, an ow has some kind of yeast infection that hasn't cleared up, and is still going on her rendevous with mm, and isn't going to tell him. She was asking for advice and was told by the other ow that it should be OK, it's jsut a yeast infection.

this just turns my stomach. I need to got get checked. I just hate to go in since I already had my pap smear for the year and I will have to pay out of pocket(not near my deductible yet) AND I will have to tell the OB who is social with my family why. My family knows, heck, half the town knows. I just don't want to have everyone in the world know. The OB office knows we almost divorced, but not why.

My husband is an idiot. He bought the line "I only don't use condoms with you" Ummm, yeah, that is why she was on bc. She didn't go on bc *for* him, she was on it long before him.

[/qb][/QUOTE]dustkitty, will STDs always show up in a Pap smear?[/QB][/QUOTE]

What shows up in a Pap smear, is abnormal cells. These abnormal cells can be caused by HPV. After the abnormal cells are detected, then they do an additional test...ThinPrep...to test for HPV. (Sometimes if you have been on a antibiotic for an extended time, the Pap will not detect the HPV...meaning, that you could have a normal PAP after the A has ended...and in six months, it could be detected!)

Other STD's have to be test for by swab of the area, or blood tests. The STD's out there are staggering in number.

Remember the commercial for safe sexual practice that said when you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone they have done it with, and everyone the other partner has done it with?

My OB/GYN said that men take for granted that a faithful wife is a clean playing field. You would think that alone would be precious.

UGH!!! You guys, this makes me ill!!!

Before I got pregnant with my youngest, I noticed these mole looking things on his p***is. He has those "skin tags" (they are little) on his body in various places so I asked him if that is what they were. He said yeah. Welll one of them started growing so I said you better have it looked at. He did. Meanwhile I am having abnormal paps during my pregnancy. H said the doc sent him to a dermatologist because they were warts -- SAID NOTHING ABOUT THEM BEING AN STD, just warts. So, after my pregnancy and while the A was in full force, I am in the hospital having a cone biopsy done because of the bad pap smears. I even asked him, "I read up on abnormal pap smears and one of the main causes is HPV. Are you sure you don't have this?" He blew me off and said no. I wish I would have told my OB.

My H still has not gone in to have the other "warts" removed. Asked me why I wasn't giving him oral sex (before I found out about the affair) and I said because I am afraid you have HPV and I do NOT want to get that in and around my mouth! He thought I was making excuses!! He said, "Well, if it was HPV, why don't you have it now?" I said, "I don't know if I do or not but at least if I do, it's not on my face for all to see!" He said I was being dramatic. I told him I wasn't going near "it" until he went back to the doctor to have them removed.

So if he gets them removed is he still infectious? The doctor didn't prescribe any antibiotics or anything when he went in before.

I go to my doctor tomorrow and I am so going to tell her all this!!!!

One more dreadful thing I found about HPV from the Web. You are not protected by condom use...the virus lives in the entire area...(try not to picture that, please.)

Now, there are schools of thought that some people could be born with the virus...you got the infection at birth from your mother. Or you can get it from shared sex toys.

Go to reliable websites...John Hopkins, Mayo Clinic and look there.

It is also vague how it can be treated. Laser off the warts and the virus still lives. Antibotics for both so you do not pass it back and forth. There also are some photos of what the warts look like...for the strong of stomach.

just remember that condoms will only stop the transmition of about 40% of std's. the rest will spread even though a condom is used. Smiaj

So if they are HPV, I wonder why neither the doc nor the dermatologist prescribed an antibiotic -- or maybe they did and he just didn't want to tell me?