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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I was going to do just that...make him and "it" two separate parts...but then I couldn't decide which one to keep and which one to toss? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OUCH! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by stunned-dad: <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I was going to do just that...make him and "it" two separate parts...but then I couldn't decide which one to keep and which one to toss? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OUCH! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, it's Biblical...Mark 9:4 And if thy foot cause thee to stumble, cut it off: it is good for thee to enter into life halt, rather than having thy two feet to be cast into hell. My concern was, what stumbled and should be cut off...the man or the member?
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You know what's really interesting? It's that many of the ones that issued the ultimatum were the WS themselves. I wonder if after they had their A, they remembered the ultimatum they had issued to their BS's and felt how arrogant they were to beleive that they were morally superior from having an A. If that is the case, then talk about eating a big slice of humble pie.
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To expand a little on my previous post. If the WS did indeed remember issuing the ultimatum to the BS, how much does that influence him/her in telling or not telling the BS about his/her A?
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My neighbor was having a very public A with another neighbor. This was pre A in our home. The subject was discussed many times between us. I remember saying: "If you every have a ONS, use a condom and never tell me about it. If you every fall in love with another woman, tell me right away so I can move on."Is this an ultimatum in your POV TMCM? BTW, I regret many things I said and did pre A and pre discovery of A. And this is one of them. P <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> ep
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I don't believe my H or I ever said that to each other prior to the A. We had open conversations throughout our M about the subject and we both said something like "it would depend.."
I think the openness between us prior to the A helped me disclose what I did. It was still up to my H whether or not he would want to keep me as his W.
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Had the talk before M and after it ,,, H said, "I would kill you and the guy " of course I would D you ..
I said, IF you ever do please be honest and tell me . If want to leave me I will let you go no problem ,,, if you made a mistake we can work through it ..
WELL I never did , never thought about it I always knew what I stood to loose ..
HE did and well he was not honest , I had to find out on my own ,, said, he was not shore he could belive I would forgive him even though for 18 yrs I told him and others my veiws on it .
So he figured he could stop the A before I ever found out and live with the guilt and not "HURT" me by letting me know ..
NOT that didn't happen and the rest is history .
HE now knows with ME HONESTY is the best POLICY !!
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
My neighbor was having a very public A with another neighbor. This was pre A in our home. The subject was discussed many times between us. I remember saying:
"If you every have a ONS, use a condom and never tell me about it. If you every fall in love with another woman, tell me right away so I can move on."
Is this an ultimatum in your POV TMCM?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No Pep it wasn't an ultimatum because if we go by the dictionary definitions I posted in my previous post, yours was a request not a demand or a threat of a possible violation of his marital vows.
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