Hi all. It's been awhile. STXH and I have been separated 1 1/2 yrs; getting ready to sell the house, etc. He and I had an agreement that he would tell me b/4 the kids met the OW. The kids met her last weekend and he told them not to tell me b/c I would get mad. I am so tired of the lies. He also told them he didn't leave because of her but because I yelled at him too much. It's one thing to lie to me..but to teach the kids that? It won't ever end, will it?
She gets him, my kids half the time, and he ruins my relationship with the kids. I have been generous regarding him..telling the kids it was both of us..etc..that had problems..not trying to make him the bad guy.
The idea of them having a wonderful little 4th party together with MY kids hurts..I guess after 5 days of OW and STXB vacationing together..it must have gone well since he introduced the kids to her the next night home.
The lies are just a part of him now..I feel like I am in a bad dream and this is happening to someone else. Now, I have to accept this OW. OW told a co-friend she wouldn't meet the kids unless they were going to be engaged or something.
Hate it.
Can't Sleep

Can't sleep, youre 8 yr old is old enough for you to tell the truth. That OW is responsible along with Dad. We dont' scream at them until we've been used, abused and blown away by their lies and deceit.
As for visitations, I would talk to my atty or family court which I believe is free after you've filed, and see if you can set conditions as to their visitations and who they are to be around.
As they grow and mature, they'll see who is telling the truth.
I know you are not supposed to bad mouth the other parent, but letting him and OW lie to them to make you look bad is too much. I'd be making it clear to both of them, you talk about me, bad mouth me and I'll use it against you to order monitored visitations! You can do this you know!
The family counseling in courts do take into consideration the comfort of the children. How they feel around this woman or dad!
They are there to protect the children most of all. Call your local court house and see if there is not free family counseling in this situation. I don't think it's called counseling, but it is a part of the court system that orginally helped set visitations. And it can be reconsidered anytime.
Good luck and God bless. And for the record, in my parents divorce, I never let dad and OW talk my mom down. And I was only about 4 also.
All they'll do is alienate the children from them. Mom is Number 1 !
BTW, how are the children taking this? Are they comfortable around the two? The older children can speak for themselves to family courts person.
God bless, LouLou

BIG HUGS!!!

The only thing that I can say for you is that his lies will come back to BITE him in the butt... YOU won't have to DO A THING! KEEP on KEEPING on... it will serve you better in the end.

Finally... LIVING WELL is the BEST revenge. Just make the BEST life that you can for yourself, can't sleep.

For me, my HOPE is in the Lord. When I put myself in His Will and KNOW that I am doing what is right, then I have no worries.

I wish the same for you... and get some sleep... will ya! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Cali

Dear can't sleep,
It is good to hear from you, although I wish it were under better circumstances.
Be proud of how you've handled this. Your STBXH has to live with all of the hurt and lies he's created. In the end, I believe he'll get what he deserves!
As for your children, as they mature, they will come to know the truth and will know which parent was honest and loving. One of the hard parts is waiting for that day to come.
Be sure to take care of yourself! ((hugs))

Ladylou: Thanks for your reply. That was the first time the kids have been around them..so I'll know more as time goes on. I have never spoken to the OW and I don't want to but I imagine she'll start to come to kids activities soon..yuk.
Cali: Hello old friend. Thanks..I'll get through this. I thought God would bring him back..didn't think it'd end up like this..hope for a new life I do have but not with STBX. If I didn't have kids and saw him about every day, this wouldn't be as hard. Good to hear from you.
PB: Hello! As always, thank you for your support. I was thrilled to read that your husband is talking about recovery. I am really happy for you..what do you think made the difference? There is a large part of me that is really letting go..sometimes I don't even want to be in the same room as him. But when lies and OW hit me in the face like this..it still hurts. I wrote him a nonthreatening/neutral letter and told him how concerned I was he was teaching the kids to lie..for a number of reasons. I didn't mention OW..that's really not issue. It is only about the kids now.
Take care and keep me updated. I'm pulling for you.
Can't Sleep

I wrote STXH a letter regarding my concerns about the lies and the effects on the kids. Didn't mention anything OW meeting kids, etc. He called me 2x today to see how things were going and didn't mention it. He dropped the kids off and didn't mention it. Can you say conflict avoider? How did I make it 13 yrs w/him?

Dear can't sleep,
Even though your H didn't respond to your letter, I'm sure he heard what is in it. There is a book that I've read titled something like"Helping your kids with divorce the Sandcastles way." It had some helpful info on many issues with separation and divorce that I've been using. It may be even worthwhile to give your STBX a copy.
As for me, other than the Plan A/ pseudo Plan B that I've done, I think what "worked "is that my WH finally realized what he was doing. I really believe in the MB principles, but the spouse at some point has to be receptive of them.
Tonight when he dropped the kids off WH said, "If I have to be unhappy, I'd rather it just be me unhappy rather than me making everyone else unhappy." A kind of dismal outlook, but a long way from his more recent self-centered self. We still have a long way to go and I still only take it day by day. I have my ambivalence about what is best for me.At least we're making progress!
As I said before, stay strong. No matter what happens to both of us, I believe we will come out better for it. Sorry if I sound "preachy."