Did I screw up???

My WH left March 7th because he didn't love me anymore and wasn't attracted to me anymore. He moved in with OW on March 9th.

I have been trying to Plan A as best as I can – but it is a little hard when I only see him occasionally due to our daughter. I think I have done OK up to this point. But how do we know anyway????

Last weekend – I had a garage sale and got the house ready to put on the market. The house is in my name not WH and it is very hard to afford on my own – so I decided to put it on the market. I also sold a exotic pet of ours (we had two exotic snakes – he took the nine foot red tail boa and I kept the eleven foot bermise python). I was offered a lot of money for it and with things as tight as they are I accepted – I knew it was going to a good home. The poor guy who bought it – I cried when we signed the bill of sale and again when he took it. I haven't told WH yet.

Friday - I told that WH that I was going to meet with a realtor on Sunday to put the house on the market. He didn't say a word. I was a little surprised – but I guess he figures he is happy where he is at and doesn't really care too much for what we (his family) does. In that conversation he said that he wanted to come by and see our baby girl – he hasn't seen her in about 3 weeks. He of course didn't. I am not sure if OW is not allowing it or what! He stopped by to pick up stepson from my house at about 7:30pm – saw Skylar for about 15 minutes tops. Wow!

Saturday - He called at 9:30pm on Saturday evening (an hour and a half after her bedtime) to let me know he had just left a birthday party that he took his son -my stepson too. And just wanted to let me know and that he still wanted to come see Skylar on Sunday. I told him that would be fine.

Sunday – I signed with a realtor to sell the house for a real good price! (6:20pm) WH called at about 7pm and made an excuse as to why he hadn't come to see Skylar and why he could come that night. I told him that I was disappointed because I had hoped we could talk – he said about what - I said about things. He said he had a few minutes and was alone – I said OK! Here is where I am not sure if I screwed up or not???? I began the conversation by asking him if he was still sure about his decision to leave and he replied what do you mean? I said that I was wanting to make sure that selling the house wasn't giving him the message that I didn't love him anymore and that I was moving on and trying to forget us and him. That I didn't want him to be mad or think anything other than it was a good financial decision at the time. He said he understood and would not be upset if I sold the house. I began to cry! I told him that I still didn't understand and that I just wanted my family back and the man I love. He said that despite the way he acted that he wasn't a complete A**Hole and that he did know my feelings. We talked for about 30 minutes and he said he was happy but didn't know what the future would hold. (I am not sure if he is trying to keep me hoping or what) We talked about his affair three years earlier (yes this is the second) – I asked him if he felt that because I took him back so easily that I didn't respect myself? He said no that he felt like I didn't respect him anymore – and that he figured I would never love or trust him the way I did before. I told him how could you think I didn't respect you - I thought giving us another chance and standing up for him to everyone was showing the ultimate respect. He said he never knew that I stood up for him to everyone. That it was news to him. I told him that I had defended him to all of our friends, family, co-workers – everyone – That I told them that everyone makes a mistake and everyone deserves a chance to do better. He began to get a little frustrated/upset and said that we could talk more on Wednesday evening when he came to see Skylar – I am assuming he was home and needed to go inside before OW got upset. I said OK and that I hoped he had a good evening!

So – did I totally blow it by crying and telling him how I felt? I am planning on moving to Plan B soon (after the house sells) but am trying to hold on until then in Plan A.

Please let me know. Thank you!

Hello cnf! Thought I'd give you a bump up. Sounds like you did great to me -- but I'm no expert. It would be good to hear from others.

I think you were totally amazing! IMO you didn't blow it....crying for me comes way to easy. You kept it together and was still able to convey loving to him your feelings.

I wish you the best.

A.M. Martin and Bikermomx1 - Thank you so much for the encouragement. I was trying so hard to not cry, beg, and plead - LB's. But I am just an emotional person - WH knows this.

I am feeling better about things today! I am kindof looking forward to talking with him on Wednesday. Although I will not get my hopes up. He will probably not bring it up and I don't know if I should.

I am going to start working on my plan B letter - on the advice of a coach. Plan B is a very hard thing for me - no control or no knowledge I guess! I have been avoiding it like the plague! I guess I don't want to have done to little. My biggest fear in any relationship has been to give up too soon. That's what I feel like Plan B is - giving up - not fighting anymore. I know that is not how it is intended but that's how it feels to me.

But thank you for your input! Are there any Sample Plan B letters anywhere on the site??? Just wondering! Thanks Again for the support!

Dear CNF,

I have read a few of your posts, but I have not seen how the money is coming from WH. It would seem that you should be entitled to child support. Some jurisdictions will also require the father to pay for college.

Sorry you had to sell your snake. You seem confident that you have your house on the market for a good price. Have you carefully checked the recent comparable sales? Real estate has gone up quite a bit with the reduction of interest rates.

Where will you move? You say you are working Plan A, but you do not seem to have time alone with your WH? Could you arrange to go out to dinner? What areas of MB 10 areas of emotional needs were you focussing on in your relationship with WH? What could you change up now?

I have not seen you mention 180 Degree Divorce busters, or what you might have tried?

You seem to put stock in what your husband says. A relationship with a child involved depends upon a power structure. Your crying may indicate that you feel you have little power.

I don't usually post in this category, but just came across your thread. What are the requirements of a commonlaw marriage in your jurisdiction. You say that you are not married, but are you sure? Have you talked to a lawyer? for $20.00, the bar referral service in your area may provide a lawyer to talk to for 20 minutes. If there is a law school anywhere close, they ordinarily have extensive law libraries, without charge. There should be some books at the courthouse, and State Statutes are mostly on line.

You seem to be saying that Plan A is not working. You can be polite and nice, and point out reality to WH. I am not convinced that you understand all of your powers.

Post back.

Quipper,
Married 28 years and still struggling

Quipper,

You might try posting on Divorcing/Divorced, cnf may be posting there. I'm not certain where she went. But at any rate, I thought this would be worth a bump.

Thread,

New Posts under Plan A, Plan B, I PLAN B AND HE MARRIED OW.

Quipper