Nooooo

The kids do not go out of state and stay with their mom and OM .... a man with a criminal record.

Just no.

Make this difficult for her.

You don't take the kids to her ... if she wants to see her kids ... let HER make the drive to see them at your home.

Do NOT make this easy for her.

She wants to be an absentee mom .... well then, let her.

Keep your kids under your watchful eye at all times.

You are not legally obligated to take the kids to another state .... if she wants to fight you on this, so be it.

Are you keeping records of all of this?

Pep

PS .... I knew your W would try this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Pep is right, don't leave your kids with a criminal. This guy is not to be trusted with your kids. I wouldn't even let them go with her alone. Just file for seperation and tell him what has been going on. Hopefully, he will agree your kids need to be protected.

I will only let her have them if the courts say so. I'm just sure they will make me let her have them until something happens though.

hurting, if you tell the judge what has been going on here, he might have different ideas. That is an unwholesome, dangerous environment for your kids. The OM is not a safe adult for them to be around. What a horrible situation for your kids to be exposed to.

I know you are probably very upset about this living arrangement and I don't blame you, hurting. How are you and the children doing?

hurting,

I don't mean to be pessimistic, but regardless of what she has done and who she's hanging with, she is the kids mother.

Courts tend to lean in favor of the mother even if she is the WS. You will have to share custody of the children...that's a given. The fact that she has moved across the state line may be in your favor. Check with your atty.

If she one day up and decides that she wants her kids again, she will fight to get them and will probably win. Don't let that happen.

ba109

Wow, hurting -- I was hoping to hear more favorable news than this.

Like I said before, she is so wrapped up in self right now. She's being pursued by two men...what a great ego boost that must be. She needs to really see what she's doing to her family. And the way to show her that is "no more Mr. Niceguy". Now I know that will be difficult for you, cause you are a nice guy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> !!!

What I mean is show her that you are no longer at her beck and call, you won't rescue her when OM goes on a spree, you won't drive the kids up to see her, you absolutely will not let them stay with her and OM and if she wants to talk to kids she'll have to do the calling.

Heck, she's abandoned her kids and marriage to live with a "sicko". And to top it off, it's August and she's trying to arrange for the kids to visit at Christmas, in December?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> ??? What are they supposed to be feeling in the meantime?? She doesn't call them!

I gotta stop...this just makes me so mad! Please do the legal stuff to protect your kids. You're the only hope they have right now.

Pep is right (as usual)! Make this VERY, VERY difficult for your W.

{{{{{{{Hurting & Kids}}}}}}}

P.S. And keep records or a journal to document all this stuff.

<small>[ August 20, 2003, 07:02 PM: Message edited by: TooOld4This ]</small>

Well I told her I'm not coming up for labor day. Told her that since her and OM are together that I'm not bringing the kids up. She can come visit them anytime but only when I'm here.

I haven't addressed Christmas yet. I need to file on her and get a temp custody order before I piss her off enough to maybe do a snatch and grab. Thats gonna take a couple more weeks to get the money together.

I'm still planning on giving her a plan B letter labor day weekend. I will have to mail it though.

<small>[ August 21, 2003, 08:01 PM: Message edited by: hurting12 ]</small>

What was her response to this news?

Pep

She seemed OK. I think she was expecting it. Besides her and OM fight more whenever she sees me so that was probaly on her mind as well.

Hi hurting,

Don't want you to get lost again. Hope you and kids are OK. I know this is a tough time coming up. If you don't feel like sharing any info with us, at least give us a "thumbs up" or "smiley face" so we know you're OK. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Whups! Wrong thread. Now I'll move my comments to where they were supposed to be...

<small>[ August 28, 2003, 10:40 AM: Message edited by: J of HJK ]</small>

Hi, Just bumping you back up. How are you and kids and how's things going? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

OK, young man! It's been almost 2 months and we're worried about you and your kids! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

How's things? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Sorry I dropped out for a while.. Just had to take some time out.

Kids and I are doing good. Since last post we have moved (same town) And I have changed jobs. Kids talk to WW weekly and I only speak to her when a letter won't do about the kids.

I spent about a month there really depressed and wasn't much good for anyone, even the kids. My mother and brother stepped right up to the plate though and took care of all of us until I got strong again.

I still want her and would take her back if she meets the MB terms but if it doesn't happen then the kids and I will be fine. I mean that. I'm OK now, I'm working and have moved on with my life in all ways except love. I'm going out with friends (male) and have had a couple of opertunities to have my own flings but I'm not interested.

I did wait to long to go to "B". I really could move on at this point but won't because of the kids. If she changes we will have to rebuild from the ground up. That is possible but it's up to her now.

Hurting, glad to hear from you. I'm so glad you have your mother and brother to help you through this stuff. It's a good place you're at now...realizing that in spite of what happens in the end...that you and kids will be OK.

I understand the need to be away from all this for a while and I didn't mean to be pushy, just wanted you to know there's people here who care. And I have been called "nosy" a time or two! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Take good care of yourself and be happy...I wish you much success in your new job too. You WILL be just fine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

OK, WS wants to talk to me this past Saturday when I called for the kids to talk to her.

Seems OM has continued his pushing and threats enough that WS is fed up. Now threats about WS leaving now include SIL and her children. Has never said anything right out but she is sure of it.

Wants me to help her get out of the relationship and protct all concerned until cops arrive if it goes bad.

Is willing to work on marriage but with no counseling on her part as she doesn't trust them.(This is a longstanding distrust that I have always known about and goes back to her counseling for incest by her father from age 5-15)

We would be living in the same house for 6 months while we try to fix marriage.

OM will probably leave town and state when he realizes their R is over. He has nothing else to hold him there.

Getting a new job is no problem and if I need to and a plce to live if I need it is available.

What do you all think? Should I give it a try? How to proceed? Remember this is the mother of my kids and the threat to her IS real. The threat to SIL I'm not as sure of but in my small dealings with this guy I can believe it.

error

<small>[ November 10, 2003, 05:12 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Wants me to help her get out of the relationship and protct all concerned until cops arrive if it goes bad.

What exactly does this mean.... does this mean putting YOURSELF in harms way?

I think this sounds childish, actually....."rescue me" .... didn't you already do this at least once? Only to have her rush back into his arms?

What guarantee does she give you for YOUR safety? Or the safety of your kids?

Is he armed?

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> Wants me to help her get out of the relationship and protct all concerned until cops arrive if it goes bad.

What exactly does this mean.... does this mean putting YOURSELF in harms way?

Yes I would be in harms way. Something you don't know about me . I have letters of appreciations on my wlls for breaking up 2 robberies and a car jacking. In one case he was armed with a knife, I was stabbed and still subdued him until cops arrived. If I witness it I will not stand by and watch innocents be hurt.

I think this sounds childish, actually....."rescue me" .... didn't you already do this at least once? Only to have her rush back into his arms?

Yes she moved out from him once and she went back. It was only her before but now that the threats are for others and continue, she realizes she must get out of it.

What guarantee does she give you for YOUR safety? Or the safety of your kids?


Kids will not be there until it is safe. If he doesn't leave we will but this is her home that I took heraway from 12 years ago and she wants to try to stay.

Is he armed?

No, but I am. I have killed in self defence before so I know I can again if I have to. Don't get me wrong I don't want to and will call cops as soon as he arrives at our new house. But I can and will defend myself if he breaks intoour home.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

And what has she learned so far?

Pep