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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 40
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 40 |
This last week I have been thinking more and more about ending my relationship with WS. Right down to planning what the monthly bills will look like, what rent I can afford, child care etc etc.
I go to sleep saying tomorrow I am going to tell him and then he is so affectionate and does something sweet in that capacity and I feel like I am putting these walls up against him and I am not giving things a chance.
I feel so miserable and I can't find the words to tell him this. He is looking into the future and I can't seem to let go of this deep seeded betrayal.
I even find myself saying that I would be better off financially without him (majority of our bills are on his side). I am usually so optimistic and I can't seem to get out of this funk.
I am in counselling, next session is not for a couple more weeks (counsellor away on vacation).
Any suggestions on what I can do?? I would really appreciate it!
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
I did that also during recovery.
I called it "Plan B" .... and this was YEARS before I joined MB boards!
I still have a copy of my accounting.
..... Remember this:
Thinking about it doesn't mean you actually have to follow through
You're OK where you are. You may tell your H these thoughts. Ask him to hold you while you share your deepest fears and vulnerabilities. You can actually build intimacy when you share what is the most difficult to share.
Recovery is tough. Hang in. It gets better, but not for awhile.
Pep
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 40
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 40 |
What you said just brought tears to my eyes. I love him deeply, knew it the minute I met him. (Hell I had dreams about him before I even met him- always pictures myself with someone with dark hair and green eyes and my first child would come in 2000)
I hate feeling this way. He feels so guilty and ashamed of what he did and I don't want to add to that pain. This is just so awful!
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
You won't "add" to his pain. You will demonstrate a willingness to be emotionally naked with him. You will show him you care by sharing your deepest places. Men did this! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
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