Well, yesterday I went to talk to a priest and I confessed the A. I was so emotional and it was so hard but I'm so glad that I did it. I feel so good now. I just wanted to share that with everyone.....
NL

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I am proud of you. U took the 'higher' road and now this can help you make your recovery stronger.

take care,
L.

NL(New Lady):

That definitely must have been a real gut wrenching experience for you.

How are things going on the home front?

Orchid and TMCM,
Thank you both for your wonderful words. I went to mass today, it was the first time in a year and a half and it was wonderful. I feel so good having this off my shoulders now. I honestly feel great.
Things are great on the home front. My H seems to be happier now a days and we seem to be more affectionate as well. Life is good and I am very happy!
Hope all is well with you both as well.

Sincerely,
NL

It really is great to hear that you and your H are on the path of recovery and a great marriage. Keep reading as much as you can about to make your marriage better. There's a book that Mrs TMCM read which is titled When Love Dies How To Save A Hopeless Marriage by Judy Bodmer. I nearly had a heart attack when she showed me the book and I read a few pages but she hugged me, gave me a reassuring smile and said 'Silly boy, the only reason why I read it was to appreciate you more' (the woman really knows how to protect my fragile male ego <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ). Even though the book is for women that find themselves in a loveless marriage and about to give up, it still is a good read and I highly recommend that all guys read it because it gives them insight into a woman's soul.

As far as the more mundane stuff, Mrs TMCM and I are using the POJA to reduce the amount of caffeine I consume on a daily basis. She was worried sick two days ago when she realized that I had not gotten any sleep the night before and I had important appointments to attend in the morning, and all because yours truly decided to drink two cups of java after 5 pm. My cardinal rule is NEVER drink coffee after 12 pm, and I broke it and paid for it (nothing more foolish than an old fool, right?). So now the POJA at the TMCM household is a potful of coffee before 12 pm with only 3 tablespoons of coffee (normally it would be 6 or 7 tablespoons). Although my motto is still 'better dead than de-caffeinated' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .

<small>[ July 21, 2003, 02:26 AM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

TMCM-
You're too much. It's good to see that you can use the POJA in every area of your life, even in regards to coffee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
It really sounds like you and Mrs TMCM have alot of fun together. I'm glad that you two are able to enjoy each other and appreciate one another. You really are an asset to this site. Good luck on your no coffee at 12:00 rule. I would have a hard time with that one. But, you know, there are alot of ways that you and Mrs. TMCM could have spent those hours that you were awake (if you catch my drift) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Anyways, thanks for your support.
NL

Oh beleive New Lady that I had to fight the urge to caress he face and hair (she has to go to work you know), so I just sat in our bed for a long while just looking at her like a lovestruck teenage boy, and thanking God for bringing her into my life (Life is Good <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

Yep Mrs TMCM and I do have a lot of fun together and I think it has to do a lot with the fact that we learned a lot from our failed marriages and are both hellbent on not letting our marriage suffer EVER. I told her that she is number one person in my life, even above my daughters, and she looked shocked at me and asked me 'why?' and I told her that by putting her first, I also was putting my daughters wellbeing above my own. She started crying and gave me a great big hug and a long, sloppy kiss and she made the most sweetest love to me. I am indeed a lucky man.

Good for you TMCM.
See, we woman are pretty easy to wrap around your fingers if you know what to say to us. Sounds like you've had plenty of experience in that department. My H has said before that he has woke up in the middle of the night and just lay there and watched me sleep and when he told me that it made me feel so special. I'm pretty sure he got some good lovin' after that comment too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Anyways, thanks for your support and keep up the great work with the Mrs. She's a lucky lady.

NL (new lady) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

NL,
I am so very happy for you, you are doing great and making progress, I am just so happy to see others working their Ms out, family is everything to me, in case you wonder, I am doing the best that I can, everything else in my life just gets better except for the most important part(supposedly)of my life. I am very proud of you,you are always in my prayers. Take care,New Life,new lady <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Wangi-
Thank you for the reply. I'm glad to hear that you're doing ok, I was wondering where you'd been lately. I'm sure that it's hard for you to hear the success stories on here and then have a difficult situation of your own. Just keep praying and having faith and someday you will be happy again, I promise.
NL

Oh I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that wangi will find happiness. Why? because there are many men out there that know how to appreciate a beautiful woman like her, and would be banging on her door right this very instant if she were single and available. Hopefully her WH will wake up and realize this, but if he doesn't there are many men out there that would love to have a chance to prove this to her.

NL, your replies always make me cry, I don't know why, I guess it is seeing you are doing so well esp. remembering you started your NC just right after Blah did and he had emailed you trying to support each other w/NC, he failed immensely whereas you and your H are doing so well and better, I guess I envy your H to have you home...I had not been around, mainly signed in as guest, not wanting to post but to read others' postings and I have been busy at work,two of the Esqs are on vacation,so I have to take over some responsibilities at work. I am glad you are doing great, may I have your email if tkpnc@yahoo.com is not the right one.?
Take great care.

I totally 100% agree with you TMCM. I think that there are hundreds of men out there who would jump at a chance to be with someone as beautiful as Wangi. I haven't even seen your physical beauty but I know what her inner beauty is and that shines very brightly. (Much like yours TMCM). If things don't work out for Wangi's marriage, do you think we could host some reality t.v. show to find the right man for her? We could name it something like "who wants to marry a marriage builder". What do you think?? I better go market that before someone steals my idea. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Anyways, Wangi, that is the correct email address. I check it daily but I haven't received anything from you. I have, however, heard from Blah recently so I know that it's working. Feel free to email me anytime. I don't want you to cry Wangi, I want you to feel good about your life and I know that's hard to do right now but you're such a sweetheart, your time will come. I promise. If nothing else makes you feel good right now, it should be comforting to at least know that you've got a whole board full of support from your friends here at Marriage builders. Take care and know that you're in our prayers.
NL

TMCM, what a nice thing to say about me, thank you
I know I will find happiness again and I will smile again like I used to. I want to have the glow on my face/spirit that I used to have,I was looking at some pictures of me and Blah right before dday,I realized all those smiles had gone away, I miss all that. I am surprise that I have not yet piss everyone off here in MB(to stick around for a long gone WH)"wanting" the M that is
not only broken but crushed,hoping and praying there will be a miracle...it all seem so weak, right? He is gone, yes, and I know healing will be a long process and I will make it through. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Of course you aren't pi$$ing anyone off by being here. That's why this board is here. If anything I think it shows courage and unselfishness to still want your M after all this. What is it that you want Wangi? Do you really still want your M? Has your H filed for D yet? I think that you need to ask yourself if you truly want your M still and if so, do you think you can get beyond your hatred for eachother to prevent this from happening again?
NL

NL, you know what, maybe soon you will see my smile on the MB photo album on Faith1's post. I think I had a good smile,I think I am sort of afraid to be in anybody's life now even though there are some nice(r) men out here esp.no wedding
band on can easily hear some "barking"or "roaring"
this is how I usually describe when the opposite sex is paying some attentions.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> hopefully I will smile again,perhaps,a much better one when others can apprecaite me for who I am <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

NL, Blah must have told you about the "hatred" he always claim I have had with him, I have anger, yes,how much he has to lose before he could see the nature of his A,lies and betrayal etc...I do not know about the M anymore,I love Blah even after all the threats,he was insane,he was scared that I don't think many can understand the depth of his pains/fears and I don't know how the M would work, I only know if and when he sincerely wants to "come home" then we have a deal, a way to work the M out,I can not sit and wish upon its success,there is no action here,as confuse as I am,as much as I still love him(sorry Zorweb)I know he is or probably has filed the D,he must have said that to you,anyway,I do not give up till it is over,completely,for I know I care and love him deeply,like I said,it is a long process..but I know I will make it through.

We won't have to do that New Lady, her beauty will shine so brightly that she'll attract those good men like flies to honey. As a veteran of divorce, I can tell you that the trick is to not let what happened to you transform you into a bitter person. If I had indeed become a bitter man after my divorce, I can tell you positively that no way would my wife would have been attracted to me. And I'm not the only one in my family to experience this, even my mother (the queen of optimism <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) found happiness at the age of 65 when she married my stepfather, an angel of a man, 10 years ago. So from my experience, and of others, I know of what I speak.

NL,I had just emailed you the smiles I used to have,let me know if you received it OK.

Wangi,
You know what's the most attractive thing about a woman to a man? It's a woman who walks around with her head held high and has an air of confidence about her. Men fall for that and I know that you can hold your head high (especially now that you have that nice new hair cut) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .
What TMCM said is absolutely gospel. Don't let this divorce turn you into a bitter woman that no one wants to be around. Don't let it destroy you because you can rise above it. Look at TMCM, he is proof and so is his mom.
As far as Blah telling me that you had hatred, he wasn't necessarily saying it in a blaming way, he was basically describing how the relationship was now that all this has happened and he was saying that that is the emotion that is most presented right now. I don't know if Blah is intending on filing for a D right now or not but I think you should live your life irregardless. Blah will not be happy until he is able to look himself in the face and admit that he's a selfish person and he needs to give just as much as he wants to take. He is focusing too much on himself and his own feelings right now and he's not putting anyone else's feelings into consideration. I know this because I was falling into the same trap. Read my first post coming back here and I was saying how my H wasn't meeting my needs, I wasn't feeling loved by him, I wasn't in lust with him, etc. Someone came and whacked me upside the head with a good old thick 2 x 4 and made me open my eyes and read what I'd been writing and realizing how many "I's" were in my dialogue. I finally realized that it's not all about ME, there are actually other's out there who's needs were just as important as mine (imagine that) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Anyways, I think until he realizes his selfishness and starts working on making you happy and stops focusing on his unhappiness, then he's going to stay in his rut until it destroys him. The best way to make yourself happy is through making other's happy and that's exactly what I realized that has helped me in my M. My H is so much more receptive to me now that I put him first and he is so much more willing to stand by me and cut me slack during the times that I need him to take care of me. It's easier for him to show me love now that he feels love, I guess that's an easy summary of what I'm trying to say.
Anyways, take care.
NL