NL,You know I learnt to walk with my head held high all the time <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> (through all my years of dance lessons,from cultural,classical to modern,I quit them all since dday!) My work has given me joy and a taste of success,I feel very good about it,I only want my smile back,you know. I am a very
forgiving person,I can not recall having any enemy
I am liked and loved by others which Blah always say that I threat friends better than I treated him,in some way it is true,but he "had" me not the
others. You are right,he is too into his own
unhappiness,how can one be happy with anyone when he/she is not happy with himself/herself? I had been there,done that,I have to love myself before I could love anyone,and I know that now,I used to think I loved myself too much and had ignored him.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> just as Blah has to forgive himself before he could forgive anyone else,stop running-that's! Enough about Blah,let me know if you received the email,OK.
NL, again, I am very proud of you. All my love. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">"You know what's the most attractive thing about a woman to a man? It's a woman who walks around with her head held high and has an air of confidence about her. Men fall for that and I know that you can hold your head high "</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Amen New Lady. As a man, I have seen this first hand, with male friends who have swarmed around a woman who may not be a 'beauty queen' but carries herself like she was, while women who looked like 'beauty queens' watched her with startled looks on their faces that plainly screamed out 'What does she have that makes guys swarm around her?'. I have found that the real men, will always look beyond the surface.

TMCM,
I totally agree and I have seen it first hand as well. Sometimes the BS's say that the OP isn't very attractive, etc. but alot of times the OP has that air of confidence that is alluring to the WS and it isn't about the looks at all. I think that we should all hold our heads high and make the world see how proud we are of ourselves.
Wangi, I know you want the smile to come back but it will only come back if you let it. Even if you don't feel like smiling, do it. Just walk around with a big old smile on your face and pretty soon you'll be smiling because you really want to. Plus, it'll put you in a better mind frame because it's pretty hard to be sad/angry when you're walking around with a smile right?
Trick your mind into thinking you're happy and pretty soon you really will be happy.
Wangi, I got your email and you are so beautiful! You really are a very beautiful person and it's so sad to put a name to a face and to realize that I got to know you only because of the trauma that is going on with you right now. Is the 2nd picture you and Blah?
Keep smiling girl, and I think you should take up your dance lessons again because they will help you to do things for yourself.
Take care,
NL

NL, TCMC, is it ok to date any man now that I think WH has probably filed the divorce? I asked Orchid before,she said "be patient"...so if I were to go out with a man now,I will be having an affair? I feel very lonely since his A was out in the open..it is 13+ months now...you know that kind of attentions you can get from other men that actually believe in your "inner beauty" or beauty,talent etc when your very own H is blinded by his A...is it a No no? I know it is not right,
just confuse..what if I lose a chance with a very nice and talented man though I stil love my WH? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Just a stupid question.

W-
I think that right now you need time for yourself, you need to figure out what makes YOU happy and what YOU want out of life. Don't let someone else come into the picture and fill those needs for you right now. Let yourself have time to find the answers without complications. I think that if you were to get involved in a relationship right now it would be a rebound and I think that years down the road you would realize that and you would realize that you'd have wished you'd waited and spent some time getting to know yourself. There's a lifetime ahead for dating, don't rush it right now, focus on you. You're not going to miss out on Mr. Right (if that turns out to be someone other than your H) because Mr. Right will come along at a time where you no longer have all this drama in your life and you will be able to have a fresh, uncomplicated start with him. You don't really want to start up a relationship with someone right now and have this hanging over it tainting it do you? I didn't think so....
NL

Wangi I agree with Orchid because the last thing you want to find yourself in is a situation where you are torn between two men. Waiting a few months after your divorce won't kill you anyway, and wouldn't it be a great gift to you and any other man to allow yourself to be free of the past?

NL, yes, that was Blah and me, that was probably our very last close up picture together,just about 10 days before dday. I do smile,but the smile I have nowadays is just different,it wasn't coming out from within,not when I thought I was happy and in love and had a H that truly loved me,
I remember even my lecturer in class would tell me what a great smile I had and told me to keep smiling,strangers on the street would say that to me too...the smile was never an issue to me till Blah sent me an email end of June mentioning he wished he would make me smile that way again,that made me realized that the jester has lost his jinggle...now I miss the smiles from within; instead of dance classes,I continue the violin, perhaps that make my neck lean towards the left shoulder <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I am always into something,I guess in many ways that Blah felt that I did not care,but then again,I always check with him before I take any class and he encouraged me,of course...Blah said I am not attractive to him, because I meddled in his A? That is ok,he knows why/how/what attracted him to me. That was all history...thanks NL, I am just a not-so-bad looking woman,yes,I feel good with my new hairdo and I look younger than ever,feel fresh..so I won't be bitter,I will live a happier/better life from now on..just <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

TMCM(oops I typed TCMC earlier on)& NL, Ok, I know no date,I thought about it over and over again,I really do not wish to drag anyone into my messy life now, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> I am not selfish that way,it is just that sometimes it makes one feel good when others like you,esp.your own S does not care a bit. I know better,just want to confirm with others' thoughts,thanks for the wise inputs. I respect them all,with honor. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

W,
Your smile will come back, it's there, it's just hiding temporarily.
Take up those dance lessons again and do violin. Immerse(?sp) yourself in all the things that you want to do. Looking back W, do you think that you were truly happy in your M? I mean, you say things like you playing the violin would upset Blah because he felt like you didn't care about him, and also you said something about him making you rip up pictures (or you had to hide them so he didn't rip them up) see what I mean about his whole life being about him? Did you ever feel (in your M) like you had a say and like you could do things you wanted to do other than just doing things that would please Blah? Just curious...
NL

TMCM probably felt like TCMC when he was lying awake at night unable to sleep.....

NL, I guess you misunderstood,(I usually checked with him meaning communicated before I decided to take any class,ask of his advice & encouragement)taking the violin lessons did not upset him but it "free-d" him. I used to take that when I was 7-9,I started again just as the same time he started his A,so it was a good deal for him to sneak out when I was in class same as my hula class(violin class is two blocks away from home,
so he could only sneak out for an hour,the hula class was on the other side of the city,it usually take me about 2 hours for the class plus commute,it was at night,so he could have a 3-3.5 hours "bed(bad)time")I did not feel unhappiness in the M,definitely not totally happy but comfortable,or there would not be a thing like not having his needs met hence the A...I usually look at life different way than Blah's,probably same as M's,I wish I knew better then,I did not do my part as a W well enough,that was why I said his A is a wakeup call for Our M. As for him ripping up pictures and me hiding them from being destroyed,it was all during his A,the evil strength & fog etc,you know Blah is not really the one that I married to,the old Blah was an honest and virtuos man,this Blah seems possessed.
Anyway,I will be smiling again, I promise myself!

----

<small>[ July 19, 2003, 07:52 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by new*life:
<strong>TMCM probably felt like TCMC when he was lying awake at night unable to sleep.....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You ain't kiddin' darlin' as wolverine would say.

<small>[ July 19, 2003, 07:55 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

NL, How are you doing? I sent you a pretty long email,I hope you received it. I have been taking advice from you and TCMC,oops it's TMCM...walk w/
my head held high,chin up too...with Vivaldi's Four Seasons(violin concerto)-Autumn,in my head(just started to learn this piece,tough,but I put my head and heart in it)And I have been <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> too,a
pretty good feeling of ME. I am working really hard at work nowadays and plan to go to Seattle in Aug,like I did last year,alone,Blah & I used to go up there quite a bit,I guess I was looking for some old memories that I seem to have a hard time to let go,esp.good ones. I went through your post in June, you have come a long way,and I applaud your coming home! Good job,New Leaf! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />