Since I found out about my wife's 1-time physical betrayal in April, I have been obsessed with my "size". She says that has nothing to do with it, but I cannot stop thinking about it. I fall in the average category. And, of course she is going to say that he wasn't bigger, wasn't better, etc, but I just can't think of anything else. She was with an Italian man, and I recently found out that most Italian men aren't circumsized, the issue has taken on a new dimension. I don't know what to do, maybe I am just being stupid.

Any thoughts?

Dear, dear, dear,
Every woman's opinion is different on this one.
Personally, Quality, not Quantity.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2ndfiddle:
<strong> Quality, not Quantity.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I second that opinion!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

And UNcircumsized???
YUCK!! mho

Use your tongue more! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> She won't be thinking any thought about "size" if you do that!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Maybe you should listen to your W that size had nothing to do with it. You could be hung like a horse and your W could have still had sex with the OM.

WOWE Pepperband!!! Screen spew, LOL!!!!
BUT it is true. So true.

You ladies are BAD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I just had this conversation w/my WS. He seems to think he's all that.... I haven't told him otherwise, but he's not. I would say he is average. ONLY because he thinks SIZE is the ONLY thing that matters. He NEVER varies me or him on top -- BORING! He does satisfy me and that's okay.

AND I wonder if that's (his size) why he thinks he needs to "spread the love." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> YUK!!!

I have been with a man (prior to marriage) that was smaller than my H and I had the best sex I've ever had w/him. And for me, I think it was because we had fun with it. There were many times we would laugh during sex -- because we were having fun! We would roll all over, etc., etc.

I think men place more emphasis on size in their own mind than women do. Maybe it's because some of us women are to blame. For example, in porn and when dating some women will say, "Oh, so and so, you are sooooo good and soooo big!" I'm sure my H heard that from the OW and he doesn't realize that she was inflating his ego just like he was inflating hers to get what they were there for in the first place. Makes me sick to think about it!

Please quit worrying about size!!!

I really don't think size matters so much as what you do with what you have got. Since I am not very experienced, I do not know this for absolutely sure but I would think it is like anything- it is what you make of it and what you do with it. And if you have the confidence (not arrogance though!!) like you can be the best with what you've got that is what matters.
And again, Pepperband is right =).
And yes, we are bad but it is fun =).
I don't think the song that would often play at my sorority formals "Don't want no short-d..ck man" helped men's egos too much on this matter!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">adgirl48:

"I don't think the song that would often play at my sorority formals "Don't want no short-d..ck man" helped men's egos too much on this matter!!"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You remember the ancient warning 'Be careful what you wish for you just might get it'? Well maybe some of your sorority sisters may have become poster girls with H's that are physically hung like horses but with emotionally small members (brain). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Welly welly welly

In my situation it did help a lot that I knew for fact the size of the OM was at my apprx size, give or take a 1/4 inch, and no diff in girth either (OM was a friend and we have hot tubbed at his place occasionally). OOM (other other man-1 timer) she said was so short it looked a mushroom cap attached directly to his body; smallest she'd ever seen in her life.

Whether a woman says size matters or does not matter, in a man's mind it does matter. Believe me, if my WW's OM or OOM were hung like Johnny Holmes I don't know if my ego would have been able to deal with it, or at the very least it would have added a new dimension to my recovery and healing. Perhaps you may consider some men to be "shallow" in this regard, but I do think most men are ego attached to their size in some way so I can fully understand HurtInItaly's feelings about this aspect of the affair. But basically, if you do not know the dimensions of the OM and your WW hasn't disclosed it nor will she, then only you are driving yourself crazy over it, so only you can stop the madness.

I suggest you stop obsessing on this and move on. Pull out all the stoppers on your lovemaking. If you blow her away with your lovemaking she will soon put the OM way behind her.

After D-Day for me I actually increased our sexually activity and escapades to levels we had not seen in years and each time I did she broke down crying tears of sorrow and regret over her A's.

Damn it man, ravage the woman with your passion! Don't shirk in the face of personal demons. Let go and love her like you are her new lover with something to prove to her and to yourself. Your biggest advantage is that you know what it takes to turn her on and get her to the "happy place". Throw away the old road map and use new routes to reach the same destination. Make the journey as exciting as possible. Remember, men and women are different when it comes to sex. Most men want to go from Point A to Point B in the straightest and quickest manner possible, but for women the journey to Point B is as important or even more important than getting to Point B. Be creative.

It ain't the size of the stick... It's the magic in the wand!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
It might not be big, but it works!!

Want to see me lick my eyebrows?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Never had any complaints... then again, maybe they were being nice!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ July 22, 2003, 12:21 PM: Message edited by: r0uter ]</small>

I'm your average size guy and my W's XH was, according to her, an 8 incher. A long time ago she said that having sex with him had been enjoyable when they were newlyweds because of the care and attention he payed to her and his willingness of forgoing his pleasure for hers but as far as the purely pleasurable aspect was concerned, his vaginal thrustings were not as pleasurable as his use of his tongue on her clitoris. Maybe instead of comparing penis size we guys should start comparing our tongue sizes. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<small>[ July 22, 2003, 12:27 PM: Message edited by: T00MuchCoffeeMan ]</small>

First of all, circumcision. I had a wide range of men before H and there really isn't that much difference between whether they're trimmed or not. To be blunt, the only difference I found is that oral sex is easier to perform on a circumsized man. I have learned from some of my uncircumsized friends that there are women who are freaked out by it.

Second, size. Most of us don't care. There are a few women who prefer huge ones. I can tell you myself that the three most "well endowed" men I was with were terrible in bed. I suppose they thought I should just be overawed by their size and that would be enough. You can't hear me right now, but I'm still snickering at that thought.

You've received some excellent advice here. I don't want to "belittle" your concern, but I agree with the other posters. Size issues are mostly something that men worry about. I think it's some sort of natural balance for the way we women have to worry about whether we're slender, chesty, long-legged, smooth complected, flat stomached, and whatever enough.

Heck, if my H were in a tragic smelting accident and lost his completely, he still has the tools necessary to be a great lover.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">rOuter:

"Want to see me lick my eyebrows?! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> "</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think so. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

are you just being stupid? YES! if the only reason that your wife prefers another man to you is the size of his sex organ then she is truly from outer space.

now is it possible that she's enjoying the experience of a newer larger member..of course...but i can't believe any person would break up a marriage with this as the main reason.

if it were me, i would prefer to give my WW the benefit of the doubt and believe that there are oher resons for her behavior. i've always believed that woman and men fall in love with people and not their parts, unless it is the sum of their parts.

coach

Mrs. F says that she would rather have a Vette parked in the driveway than a semi. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Better performance in the quarter mile, and they don't tear up the world when you try to park them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Is that a hint that she wants to trade in my Geo Metro? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

fudd

I have just reread this thread and now I think I must go and wash my eyes out with soap!

And by the way, BIG ain't no fun for this chick. I was not at all impressed 'cause LONG JOHN thought that I should treat him like a God everytime we were together, He poked and shoved like a wild animal, I couldn't walk for the next week, I thought my eyesballs would pop out, and he thought he was Lord of the Pants! YUCK YUCK YUCK. The bigger the [censored], the bigger the attitude.

One of my fav. lovers of old times gone by couldn't even get his gun off the wall. But oh my oh my oh my..........
<hmmmmm.....>
Wait
This is reality here and now, right?
Oh yah, I am not supposed to dream of way back when.
Oh well.

Checking in from the Recovery group, the title caught my eye.

No squirrel jokes TOOMuchCoffee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

First you don’t have any proof that the OM was geometrically any different from you. So quit obsessing over it, believe me first hand I can tell you that it can become a nightmare.

I’m average; my W’s OM was bigger so I had to deal with the reality of it / still do at times. I cannot begin to tell you the torture I put myself through over this idiotic ideal we men have made up in our minds. (Granted if I were Blind Sided’s mushroom cap I’d be concerned <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) Keep obsessing over it and it will make you bitter, it will lead to low self-esteem and performance anxiety. It will make you waste precious time that could be better spent working on things that make you a better person and H.

The bottom line is that it really isn’t worth expending your effort over. Some women like big, some don’t, some men like big breast, I don’t and some don’t really care. If it were a real issue with your W she would say so. Thank God 99.99% of the women in world would not even remotely list size in the EN categories. In the end that is where you need to be investing your time. Invest it in your plan A and in meeting your W’s EN’s. That will make her love you, not a Louisville slugger.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Side note: Use your tongue more!</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Humorous statement – (Maybe) In my experience the truth – (Always!)

Let it go,
Oz

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by T00MuchCoffeeMan:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">adgirl48:

"I don't think the song that would often play at my sorority formals "Don't want no short-d..ck man" helped men's egos too much on this matter!!"</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You remember the ancient warning 'Be careful what you wish for you just might get it'? Well maybe some of your sorority sisters may have become poster girls with H's that are physically hung like horses but with emotionally small members (brain). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TMCM,
Oh I am sure that has happened more times than I care to know! How many times in college do you think about stupid things like that instead of someone compatible with you? I feel confident several girls are rolling their eyes, wishing for the more sensitive man who might happen to also be a short d..ck man.
Oh the tradeoffs we make for thinking with that in mind before anything else
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />