Over the weekend I had the perfect opportunity. We both were in the office and I said I wanted to get on-line to do some research. He was at my desk and I asked him to give me a web address. As I entered the address a pop up of the most recent addresses came up. So I could do this 'loving' I mustered up a giggle and said "Oh my some one likes 'easy girls' and I said something like "come here sweetie I can be your easy girl" He totally freaked! Pulled out the desk and unplugged the computer and told me to stay out of his *F* business. Needless to say I gave him a puzzeled looked. That night (Sunday) I lost our baby....I was about 5 weeks along. Monday I stayed in bed most of the day. He was on the computer most of the day....couldn't hardly get him to care for DD(age6). Today I came into work because I needed to get away. Doc wants me home all week, but I can't stay there.

Now what?!?!?!

OOOOOOO- (((((((((Biker)))))))))),
Take care of yourself. Both physically and emotionally. I understand the need to get away, but is there a place where you can get away and rest too? Is there someone who can or will "take care of you"?
I think you handled the situation beautifully. BRAVO!!!
Gosh, hopefully your H is doing some thinking of his own.
Is there a marital pattern with the two of you for confrontive situations? Do you typically lie low and wait for a responcce from him? Or, do you typically address the issue ASAP? Does he "out with it" after you have waited patiently, or does he just brush it under the rug?
Take care of yourself sweety.

He can be very controlling. Typically if I say anything he blows up...but then after awhile he will come around. However...the way he quickly unplugged the computer raises huge flags with me!

I'm too embarrassed to ask for help right now. I think I may take DD to a hotel for a couple of days. She can swim and we can lounge around watching movies. BUT this may be a LB for DH.

While I was home yesterday, we was very nice and would get me water, food, or whatever. He rotated movies....but I don't think he was using his head when he put in Nine Months!!! MEN! But what bothered me was the amount of time he was on the computer.

I also think me being at work is good for me! I need to keep busy.

5 weeks .... when did you discover the pregnancy?

I am so sorry... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

PS...

"He totally freaked ..."

His angry outburst at your discovery is a cover-up ... what he actually feels is more like shame and embarrasment.

Whatever you do, remain calm when he has another angry outburst .... if you get angry in return, he feels justified and playing up this bluffing show of anger.

Remember, he may be hurt by his own behavior as much as you are .... but he's addicted. He's angry at himself for the addiction.

Again, sorry for your loss.

Pep

I've known for about a week.

I'm not bringing it right now. It's hard...but I hope in time he will come around. I feel better that he knows that I know. I've not tried to get on the computer since then. I need to tonight since I'm starting a home business and have 2 clients right now so I need to do some research for them.

How are you feeling today, Biker?
Been thinking of you all day.
Another big hug, if you would like.
2nd

Bikermom, I am sorry about your miscarriage. But there is no hope of this getting better until you really do confront him. That was not a confrontation. That was a game you were playing.

First off, you need to install the spy software and find out exactly WHAT he is doing. He is just surfing porn sites? Talking to old GF's? What? You don't really know the nature of the problem and can't properly address this problem until you do.

Once armed with FACTS - not "questions" - you sit down with him and tell him, "dear, you know I love you, but we have a problem." Then lay out the FACTS. Tell him you know he is in contact with old GF's and is browsing porn sites [or whatever you find]. Explain to him how hurtful that is to your marriage and how it can't stay that way. You are willing to help him get help but you are not willing to sit by while he destroys himself, you and the marriage. Really.

You have a responsibility to your daughter to address this head on. You can't have her in this kind of dangerous environment with a stepfather who is sneaky and who uses porn. That is not safe for her.

But please handle this correctly before it gets more out of hand.

<small>[ July 22, 2003, 09:36 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Thanks for the responses.

I'm hanging in there. I don't think I can install spy software. DH is very computer savvy. In fact he told me he installed a 'personal' tracking/history program. I'm not sure what that means.

I didn't sleep much last night and neither did he. When he asked me what was wrong I told him right now I'm so hurt and angry and fighting with my emotions. He didn't ask why...I'm sure he knows. I told him that I love him very much and that once I get things straight in my mind we need to talk. All he said was "I know" and then he hugged me. This was about 2:30 am!

Biker,
Does this mean there is a glimmer of hope?
Do you sincerely think he will at least listen to you?
For what it is worth, you are in my prayers,
hugs
2nd