Hey Princess,I miss having your supports,I have not post much lately either,the most recent would be replies to New Life's Confession,we had a pretty good replies back and forth last Saturday w/TMCM..I have a story to tell though.

~An acquintance of mine recently gave me a bottle of wine,she said the wine is called " A happy-go-lucky-LIFE",she said it takes away your memory of the past,sounded weird to me,what on earth is this wine? She also said that Man's biggest
problem is that he remembers. How wonderful it would be to forget the past. Everyday would be a new beginning, isn't it great?~ <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I am really not good at remembering bad or hurtful
things. I tend to keep all the good memories
(esp.my childhood,this is just the opposite from my WH's) As hurtful as his A has been,I do not want any part of it anymore,I live my own life and be happy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> keep smiling <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> stay cool <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
I just want to be simple and happy,I seem to have most of the things that I want in life,even if I could not afford many nice stuffs w/dear prices,I don't even care anymore,I used to though,I just want a simple life,after all I have had many that some never even heard of before. I am happy with my career,not to forget to thank WH for his positive encouragements and sacrificies(before he swayed)his true love,patience and all. I have been to US 15 years ago,had done a lot of healings
on the XH's abuse,still healing,slowly but surely,
I can be whole. As for this WH's A,I let it go,
married for almost 7 years(June 97 in church,Oct 96 civil)together for almost 8 years(Aug 95)keep only good memories,even if I were to drink the wine,is there such a life called happy-go-lucky? I used to think of myself in that catagory till I had my XH and abused thoroughly for 3 months,that 3 months were the worst in my entire life,I thought it was,now I almost forgot the pains and sufferings,I forgot how he looked like(perhaps I chose to forget)now the destructive & brutal A which I felt much more pain than XH's abuse,am I insane or what? I guess the physical pains went away,this A affected me tremendously emotionally
I guess maybe because it was discovered and still goes on for over a year now,did my WH ever thought
of the lives he affected but his own pleasure? You understand his pain is beyond the A, I do too,
but how long can it go on? How low can one let his life goes? So I had forgiven him,and I will choose not to remember such pain. Many said it can be forgiven but can't be forgotten..I guess not right away,but it will,as time goes by,and also how much you want to love yourself,focus on the present and work towards the future. I had taken Zorweb's advice on certain thing,not to waste my energy on OP. I feel so much better now
I do not say anything anymore,not a contest. I am the W,I am for real,not make-believe. Orchid has been wonderful,we talked sometimes,she is an Aloha
lady,mahalo nui loa Orchid,you are kupaianaha(wonderful)! Princess and NL,FWSs,real cool women that I respect fully. And;of course many others that ever replied to my posts,Star*fish,LIR,STBXW,
Melody Lane,Way2,Ark,Pepp,Miss M,TMCM,Mimi,Nick and so forth. I feel I could find unconditional supports here from many that understand and I am not alone. I just do not want to cry anymore,I am very sentimental and emotional,so I do cry a lot,not necessary on hurtful things only. I know I have a bright future ahead of me,be it with WH(did you see our picture on Faith1's MB Photo Thread, thanks Faith. Don't you think we look good together? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> or alone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> no,no but be real
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> or w/someone that is fortunate to have me,eh. You will support me no matter which path I go as long as I am on the right track,right? Yes! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for reading.

I recieved a letter from WH that was sent to my owrk today,at first I thought "uh oh,he must ask for divorce or ??" it was a little note about his school,he said at the very end that I did not have to reply,but I did,Plan B or not is not the matter anymore,I care about his well being hence the email to him,I was calm,perhaps for the first time,not even thinking about what he threatened me or what he had done to hurt me,but to care enough to tell him my honest opinion about his academic goal,I felt good that I showed him I do care no matter how screwed up he has been,I recall
the vow exchanged before God,for better for worse,in sickness and health..I feel like at least I am doing just that,I am not even angry anymore,I feel sad,yes,for we are more isolated than ever,I had not seen him for a month now,I had not spoken to him for 2 weeks,I thought of him from time to time,but not desperate or wanting to rush into salvaging the M,I let go and let God,I guess. And,I am living my life for ME,selfish? Hope not,just take good care of ME <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />